Archive for Humour

Deductions

Malcolm, a stockbroker, received notice from the IRS that he was being audited.

Size matters

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet stretched out in front of him.

It’s gonna rain

A cartoon by Liz Climo

Be aware of the skid demon!

Unique translation from Japanese to English for the American motorcycle rider; taken from a 1962 Honda Motor Cycle Instruction Book.

Peanuts

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner.

The new carpet

Bruce was laying down new carpeting in a woman's home.

Last rites

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night.

Health and hygiene instructions

... that make you really wonder about their creators!

On the third day…

After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days.

Time for a snack

A cartoon by Liz Climo

Care instructions on clothing labels

Refreshing hints rather than the usual boring instructions found by the great Bored Panda team.

The preacher’s wife

It was a Sunday, and Gladys, the preacher's wife, accompanied her husband to church.

Free sex

There was this gas station in redneck country, trying to increase its sales.

New secretary

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary.

Drunken Brit

A British man was stopped by a French gendarme and asked to give a breathalyser test.

The wooden leg

Ole and his wife, Lena, who has a wooden leg, moved back home to Minnesota from Arizona.

To-do list

Michelle returns home from college for a break.

Cyril

One day, Cyril the cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

Moshe’s photo

Sadie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband Moshe copied and retouched.

Dead turtle

Little Freddie is crying and his mother asks him what is the matter.

Lexophiles at play

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words and word plays, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil [...]

Health problem

The nurse asked Bob to remove his clothing and put on a gown before he gets checked by the doctor.

I got an underwater camera

A cartoon by Liz Climo

The voice

Samir was walking down the road in the morning towards his office, busy looking at his mobile phone.

Three wishes

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.

13 questions and the answers

Brilliant student thinks out of the box.

Hypnosis for cats

A cartoon by Liz Climo

The chief

Every time an American Indian of a large tribe walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating.

A soldier checks into a hotel

A soldier was on leave and had been driving towards home for many hours.

Angel cake

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do so until the last minute.

Quick thinker

"One minute, please..." - a video.

Who says the world is a serious place?

Surely not the creators of these signs...

Old Chief Forget-Me-Not

Benny the reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere after hours of driving.

I had a terrible day

A cartoon by Liz Climo

A man and a woman

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

The wristwatch

Reuben, in a very bad temper, charged into the jewelry shop.

The Wal-Mart employee

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her son's birthday.

Heart murmur

Eighty-year-old Abhilash was having an annual physical at the local hospital.

Surgeons’ assessments

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who make the best patients to operate on.

Two boys

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.

Time to marry again

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again.

Rattlesnake and his friends

A cartoon by Liz Climo

The prophecy

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Who wants to be a millionaire?

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.

The royal pain

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of days in hospital.

Planet talk

A big and a small planet meet in the endless reaches of space.

New admission

After forty years of hard work an old carpenter dies and goes to heaven.

Messages from Wallingford

Wallingford gas station in Seattle, WA, USA, spreads joy among the populace showing witty sayings on their message board. They stick to changing the sign once per week, 4 lines, 17 [...]