January is the coldest month in Osho Nisarga. I always escape this time of the year and go to sunny Goa. But this was the first time that an urgent longing came to me, having to do this retreat now. The first challenge was for me to prepare my body for the daily routine of the retreat which started with Dynamic meditation. This meant getting up early at 6 am, taking a bath and then going for the meditation. I was surprised to see how my body adapted to this new structure and all my previous fears about the cold disappeared. Looking in, I realized that my inner being seemed to be in harmony with my body and that there was no split.

As Osho explains in the book, I did Dynamic and Kundalini meditations every day and went for long walks in the forest. Other than that, there were just silent sittings. No Osho discourses, no words, no emails, no mobiles, no TV, no music, no external stimuli. It was absolute seclusion.

I did have numerous thoughts, many voices coming loud and clear, and countless situations of my life repeating themselves as if they were real again. But in spite of this there was no depression, no anger, no sexuality, and no catharsis. It was a stable and constant energy.

Gaps of no mind happened and in Kundalini meditation I experienced amazing shaking that has never happened to me before. Nature seemed more beautiful and close to me. From my veranda I could see the fresh snow clad mountains, hear the sound of the river, witness the new arrival of winter birds in deep maroon with long blue beaks and become one with their singing and chirping. Sunny days were even more beautiful to sit outside and merge with nature. Existence was right. This was the perfect time for me to go on this journey.

Evenings were special. I would decorate my room with candles and incense which made it very sacred. With the room heater and a shawl wrapped around me it was nice and cosy. I did the silent sitting during the White Robe and the energy was just like meditating in a temple.

During the retreat I had a lot of clarity and insight about what ever negativity I had previously faced in my life. I also felt to have to thank some of my family and friends for always being there for me. Above all I felt a lot of gratitude for Osho for showing me a precious key to continue discovering my inner space.

After the 21 days of silence my re-entry in the world made me realize how vulnerable and sensitive I had become. I also felt that the effects of my journey will keep unfolding over time and that I have to slowly absorb this process as it is a much deeper and subtle phenomenon than I can comprehend.

“My sannyasins have to take life very playfully – then you can have both the worlds together. You can have the cake and eat it too. And that is a real art. This world and that, sound and silence, love and meditation, being with people, relating, and being alone. All these things have to be lived together in a kind of simultaneity; only then will you know the uttermost depth of your being and the uttermost height of your being.”

Osho, The Dhammapadda: The Way of the Buddha Vol. 2, Ch 2, Q 2

Read what Osho says about the Twenty One Day Experiment in Silence and Seclusion

Ma Deva Priya became a sannyasin when she was seven years old. When her mother, Ma Yoga Neelam brought Priya as a four month’s old baby to Osho, he said “She is my child. I will take care of her.” He also made an exception for her to live in the commune while she went to local college in Pune for five years. Mornings she studied and in the afternoons worked in the commune. She lives most of the year in Osho Nisarga, near Dharamsala, India. www.oshonisarga.com

During the twenty-one-day experiment, practice Dynamic Meditation once a day and constant awareness of breathing for twenty-four hours a day. Do not read, do not write, do not think, because all these acts are of the mental body; they are not concerned with the etheric body.

You can go for a walk. This helps because walking is part of the etheric body; all manual actions are concerned with the prana sharira, the etheric body. The physical body does these things, but it is for the etheric body. Everything concerned with the etheric body should be done, and everything concerned with another body must not be done. You can also have a bath once or twice a day; it is concerned with the etheric body.

When you go for a walk, just walk. Do not do anything else; just be concerned with your walking. And while walking, keep your eyes half-closed. Half-closed eyes cannot see anything other than the path, and the path itself is so monotonous that it will not give you something new to think about.

You must remain in a monotonous world, just in one room, seeing the same floor. It must be so monotonous that you cannot think about it. Thinking needs stimuli; thinking needs new sensations. If your sensory system is constantly bored, there will be nothing outside of you to think about.

During the first week you may feel less need of sleep. Do not be concerned about it. Because you are not thinking, because you are not doing many of the things that you ordinarily do, you will need less sleep. And if you are constantly aware of your breathing, so much energy will be generated in you, you will become so vital, that you will not feel sleepy. So if sleep comes it is alright; if it doesn’t come it is alright. If you do not sleep it will not be harmful.

There are many reasons why awareness of breath will create more energy in you. First, when you watch the breathing, the breathing becomes rhythmic. It will follow its own rhythm. A harmony will be created and the whole of the being will become musical. This “rhythmic-ness,” this rhythm, conserves energy.

Ordinarily our breathing is not rhythmic; it is haphazard. This causes an unnecessary leakage of energy. Rhythm, harmony, creates a storage of energy. And because you are constantly aware, breath awareness itself begins to take only a minimal amount of energy. You are not doing anything; it is a non-doing. You are just aware.

The moment you begin to do something, even to think, doing has come in. Now energy will be wasted. If you move your body, doing has come in; energy will be wasted. Twenty-four hours of constant awareness means a minimal wastage of energy, so energy is conserved; you become a storehouse of energy. This energy will be used in kundalini.

Ordinarily, so much energy is wasted during the day that there is not enough energy left to raise kundalini. Not much energy is needed in order for the energy to move downward, but to raise energy upward you need a great storage of energy. Only then can the gates open upward; otherwise not. So those who have little energy left only have sex as an outlet for it.

We usually think of a sexual person as being very vital, but that is not so. A very vital person is not sexual, because when energy is overflowing it moves upward. Sexuality requires energy, but only a very small quantity of it. When there is very little energy it cannot move upward; then moving down, toward the sex center, is the only possibility.

Energy needs to move continually. It cannot be static; it must move. If it cannot move upward, it will move downward; there is no choice then. But if it can move upward, then the downward passage will eventually stop by itself. It is not that you will stop energy from being released through the sex center, but it will stop by itself because the energy is moving upward.

If you are constantly watching your breath, all doing stops and energy is conserved. But there is another point to be made, and that is that the very observation – the awareness, the alertness – also helps the life force to become more vital within you. It is as if someone is watching you. If someone is watching you, you become more vital; laziness disappears.

That is why leaders feel vital. The crowd is always there to observe, and the very observation makes them vital. The moment the crowd has forgotten them – no sooner are they forgotten than they are dead. The happiness of being a leader, of being a public man, a crowd-watched personality, is because of the feeling of vitality that comes through people’s observation. The vitality does not come because of the observation itself, but because, with so many people observing you, you become more alert about yourself. And this alertness becomes vitality.

So when you become aware of your breathing, when you begin to observe yourself, the innermost source of vitality is touched. Therefore, if sleep is lost, do not become anxious about it. It is natural.

If there are upheavals in your mind – if things come to your mind which you have never thought about before – images, stories – then, too, do not become anxious; just watch them. So much that is in the unconscious is being released; before it is thrown out, it must come to the conscious mind. If you suppress these things they will become unconscious again. On the other hand, if you are too concerned with them you will waste unnecessary energy. So just go on watching your breath, and at the periphery, in the background, go on watching indifferently everything that happens.

Just be indifferent to these things. Do not be concerned at all; just go on witnessing your breathing. You will be witnessing your breathing, but on the periphery things will be happening. Thoughts will be there, vibrations will be there, but only on the periphery – not at the center. At the center you are just watching your breath.

So much will come to you: things that are absurd, illogical, unimaginable, inconceivable, fantastic, nightmarish. You must go on watching your breath. Let these things come and go; just be indifferent to them. It is as if you are going for a walk. The street is full of people. They pass by, but you are indifferent to them; you are not concerned with them. Then these images and fantasies will be released and, by the end of the first week, a new silence will come to you. The moment the unconscious is unburdened, there will be no more inner noise. Silence will come to you, a deep inner silence.

You may experience moments of depression. If a deep-rooted feeling of depression has been suppressed in the unconscious, it will come and overwhelm you. It will not be a thought, it will be a mood. Not only thoughts will be coming to you, but moods, too, will be coming. Sometimes you will feel exhilarated, sometimes you will feel depressed or bored, but be as indifferent to these moods as you are indifferent to thoughts. Let them come and go. They will go by themselves so do not be concerned with them. Moods, too, have been suppressed in the unconscious. During the twenty-one days of the experiment they will be released, and then you will experience something that you have never experienced before – something new, something unknown.

Each individual will experience something different. There are many possibilities, but whatever happens, don’t be afraid; there is no need to be. Even if you feel that you are dying, no matter how strong that feeling is, no matter how sure you are of it, accept it. Thoughts, feelings, moods, will be so acute, so real. Just accept them. If you feel that death is coming, then welcome it – and go on watching your breath.

It is hard to be indifferent to feelings, but if you can be indifferent to your thoughts and moods, it will happen. You may feel as if death is coming: within a moment you will die – there is no other possibility. There is nothing you can do about it, so accept it, welcome it; and the moment you have welcomed it, you have become indifferent to it. If you fight it, you distort everything.

You may feel as if death is coming, or you may feel that you have become ill. You have not become ill. The feeling of being ill, or of dying, is just part of your unconscious that is being released. Many illnesses will be felt that were unknown a moment before. Be indifferent to any illness and go on doing what you are doing: go on watching your breath. The breath must be watched no matter what you are thinking, no matter what you are feeling, no matter what is happening.

After the first week you will begin to have some psychic experiences. The body may become very big or very small. Sometimes it will disappear, it will evaporate, and you will be bodiless. Do not be afraid. There will be moments when you cannot find where your body is – it is not – and moments when you will see your body lying or sitting at a distance away from you. Again, do not be afraid.

You may feel electrical shocks. Every time a new chakra is penetrated, there will be shocks and tremblings; the whole body will be in a turmoil. Do not resist; cooperate with these reactions. If you resist, you will be fighting against yourself. Shocks, trembling, a feeling of electricity, heat, cold – anything felt on your chakras you must cooperate with. You yourself have invited it, so do not resist it. If you resist it, your energies will be in conflict, so cooperate with any psychic experiences that you may have.

Sometimes you may not feel that you are breathing. It is not that breath has stopped, but that it has become so natural, so silent, so rhythmic, that it is not felt. We only feel disease. When you have a headache, you feel that you have a head, but when there is no headache you don’t feel your head. The head is there, but you cannot feel it. And in the same way, when our breathing is discordant, unnatural, we feel it, but when it has become natural it is not felt. It is not felt, but it is there.

As you continue to watch your breath, the breath will become more and more subtle. But awareness, too, will become more subtle, because you will be continuing to watch this subtle breath. And when there is no breath, you will be aware of this “no breathness,” you will be aware of this harmony; then awareness will penetrate even more deeply. The more subtle the breath is, the more aware you will have to become so that you can be aware of it.

Go on being aware, and if you feel that there is no breath, then be aware of your “no breath.” Do not try to breathe; just be aware of “no breathness.” This will be a very blissful moment.

The more subtle the awareness, the more it goes into the etheric body. When you are watching your breath, first there is an awareness of your physical breath. You are aware of your physical body and the breathing mechanism. When the breath becomes subtle and harmonious, then you become aware of your etheric body. Then you may feel that now there is no breath, but the breath is still there. It may not be as much there as it was because your needs are not so great now, but it is still there.

You may have noticed that if you are in anger then you need more oxygen, and if you are not in anger you do not need so much. If you are in sexual passion you need more breath. So the quantity of breath will go down or up with your needs. If you are completely silent, then only a very small quantity of air will be enough – just enough to be alive.

Just be aware of this situation. You were aware of breathing; now be aware of a situation where no breath is felt. Whatever happens, be aware of it. Awareness must be there. If nothing is felt, then you must be aware of your no-feeling. Nothing is being felt, but awareness must be there.

Do not go to sleep now, because this is the very moment for which you were longing. If you go to sleep, you have wasted the time that has been spent bringing you to this point. Now be aware of what is happening. There is no breath; be aware of it. In total stillness the breath is almost nonexistent. Very little is needed, and only that much comes to you. The quantity has fallen much and the harmony has risen much, so you do not feel it.

If you go on watching your breath and being indifferent to everything that is happening, then the third week will be a week of complete nothingness. It will be as if everything has died, as if everything has gone into nonexistence, and only nothingness remains.

Do not stop the experiment before the twenty-one days are over. After the first week you may want to stop it. Your mind may say, “This is nonsense. Leave.” Do not listen to it. Just tell yourself once and for all that for twenty-one days there is nowhere else to go.

After the third week you may not want to leave. If your mind is so blissful that you do not want to disturb it, if only nothingness, blissfulness is there – if you are just a vacuum – then you can prolong the experiment for two or three or four more days. But do not break it before the twenty-one days are over.

Anything that you want to make a note of you must do after you have come out of seclusion, not before that. Then if you want to, sit down for a day or two and write down everything. But within these twenty-one days, nothing should be written. Do not even try to remember anything. All that has happened will be there, and will be clearer because the mind is not trying to remember it.

You can forget a thing if you have tried to remember it, but you cannot forget a thing that you have not tried to remember. Then it comes to you totally. And if it is not coming, it means it is useless – so let it go.

Everything that is non-useful remains with you. You try to remember much that is useless and do not understand that it is useless. But the mind works automatically: all that is worth remembering is always remembered. So do not try to remember anything; there is no need. You will remember whatever has happened to you. Whatever is worth remembering will be with you when the experiment is finished.

So go and begin it as soon as you can.

Osho, Meditation: The Art of Ecstasy, Ch 18 (Translation from Hindi)

With his permission we are showing here one of his recent articles which has been fairly widely published in the so-called alternative media, by people who are not believers but switched on and devoted to truth, awareness and consciousness.

Dazed Lemmings Can’t Bridge the Reality Gap

Why do so few people seem to care about the dangers of the unreported radiation levels and toxic debris washing across the pacific? How is it no one but local residents raise the alarm about the horrific effects of the Gulf oil spill and the poisonous seafood landing on American dinner tables?

As the Orwellian American police state sweeps into place, the economy crumbles, and their faultless leader languishes on a Hawaiian beach, Americans are preparing to celebrate their entry into a brave new 2012 with minimal awareness of the true dangers already dissolving their health, wealth and chances for survival in an engineered conflagration of mythic proportions that is already descending on their heads.

Sensory Overload and the Ostrich Effect

As the gap between reality and manipulated public perception grows, it may just be too big a leap for many at this point. Having been dumbed-down and unresponsive for so long, it’s too much for them to take in.

Sad, but again, that’s reality.

Hey, why wake up when everything’s such a bummer? That’s the underlying mentality. The thing is, this is a conditioned response. Overload and recoil. And it’s been going on a long, long time.

Why? Like the dumbing down effect of fluoride and chemtrails and adulterated food, it eventually suppresses natural responses. When the real alert presents itself, the subject will not be able to react and protect himself.

Why all the dramatic end of the world sci-fi movies? Why the emphasis on violence and horror movies and graphic, destructive wars? Why does the news major on the bad events of the day? Why the combative gladiator sports, emphasis on technology instead of humanity, and mind-numbing crass consumerism and sexualization of society?

This is deliberate social engineering, and that’s the biggie.

It’s all engineered..and that’s the last thing most people want to realize.

And it usually is.

The Power of Cognitive Dissonance

The world has become essentially schizophrenic in outlook. Being told one thing while the exact opposite is happening before their eyes for so long, the “dissonance” created by this conflict causes humanity to shut down. America is the perfect example. Ostensibly fighting for “freedom and liberty” we commit genocide and destroy nation after nation. To protect our liberties the government has overturned the Bill of Rights and made the Constitution a mockery.

Yet the populace sits and takes it. Why? Too big of a leap. If it turned out they’ve been completely conned by a massive manipulated agenda they may just completely break down. And subconsciously the horror of that reality is therefore a “no”.

Even if it were true they’re at the point they’d rather not know.

I’ll Take Conscious Reality

“Why all the negativity?” is what you’ll hear a lot of the time when you bring these things up. The answer, as David Icke often says, is that ignorance is negative. Truth is empowering, no matter how awful it may be sometimes. And at this point in history the more you learn the more negative it may seem, with the Controllers’ agenda in full final-phase swing.

But so what.

Things haven’t changed all that much. The purpose of life is to rediscover who you truly are, and that wonderful awakening makes everything else pale in comparison. Our mission then becomes to inform and empower, share and encourage. The same one it always has been.

That it’s taking this kind of extreme compression to awaken the slumbering masses is really no surprise, and ultimately a gift from the Universe to help people back into the real world… that of conscious loving awareness.

Awaken from slumber, one and all…

Love, Zen
www.zengardner.com

Bhagawati, Osho News

Ingredients

for 4 servings

400 g Arborio rice
2 tbsp butter
1 medium onion
250 g button mushroom – add some porcini mushrooms if available
250 g shelled green peas (if you want to use frozen ones, defrost them before use!)
1 glass of white wine
1 litre vegetable broth
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
250 g cream
a sprinkle of Parmesan

for vegetarian broth
1 carrot
1 onion
a small head of celery

Preparation

First, here is the basic recipe for a vegetarian broth for a risotto. (There are people who end up using Maggi cubes as a shortcut, but I hope none of them are reading this book!)

You’ll use only carrot, onion and celery to make your broth. That’s it. Because if you make your broth too strong or too determined in taste, it may spoil your risotto. The broth should be light and delicate.

Of course you can add thyme leaves, black peppercorns, basil, marjoram or whatever, but I insist that the broth should be light and not taste too strongly of any particular herb. You need to keep it simple to make a good risotto. There is no need to mix too many tastes, too many herbs, too much cheese.

Risotto

Heat the butter and sauté the onion, very finely chopped. When golden, I add the mushrooms in slices, cook for 2 minutes then I add the rice and wine.

I stir gently until it’s dry, then I add the green peas. I start adding the broth and keep on adding one cup at a time until the rice is cooked.

Two minutes before the finish, when I taste the risotto, I add the cream, stir gently for one minute, switch off the fire and leave the pan covered for a few minutes.

When I serve this risotto, it is creamy and never too dry. I also sprinkle a little Parmesan on top.

If you get the pattern right, you will also know how to make risotto with asparagus, risotto with artichokes, risotto with pumpkin and walnuts, risotto with saffron, risotto alla Milanese, risotto with zucchini, or any risotto you can think of! If you make risi e bisi, as they call it in Venice, your risotto should taste mainly of green peas, and not be dominated by the flavours of herbs.

For all these preparations, the method is the same: washed rice, broth, the vegetable you like, onions or garlic to start with, oil or butter to sauté them. Then add the veggies, then the rice, then cups of broth one by one until the rice is cooked.

You can decide on the combinations to start with. There are cooks who think that the more herbs you add to your preparations, the better it is. Even Italy is full of these acrobats, who seriously think that adding leaves of basil and rosemary and marjoram can improve their risotto! No way! One herb at a time gives the best flavour, according to me. Sometimes a mix of two can be appropriate, but that’s it. This is a rule that applies not only to risotto, but also to tomato sauces, and to almost any sauce, with the exceptions of all those known as green sauces.

So now that you know how to make a risotto.

Welcome to the Italian land of risotto!

From the book ‘Food is Home’ by Sarjano – also see the Arancini recipe

This is an Italian tradition, so I’m not revealing any underground, extravagant art of recycling. According to the Italian tradition there are two ways of recycling the leftover risotto: croquette of rice or omelette with rice. The omelette, I’m sure you can easily manage yourself!

You simply make small balls out of any leftover risotto, and then make a hole with your finger in the centre of the ball, insert a cube of your favourite cheese, cover with some rice, and then go ahead and deep-fry them in small batches until evenly golden, turning as needed.

Ingredients

leftover risotto
small cubes of cheese that melts easily, such as mozzarella or cheddar; also fresh mozarella is delicious
vegetable oil for frying

From the book ‘Food is Home’ by Sarjano 

Just as we take our car to the garage for a regular tune up, it is important to do regular detox of organs, blood and lymph. Part of any detox regime will also include yoga or some other form of exercise, as well as massage. As well as a once yearly detox, we need to pay attention throughout the year to support maximum health by doing regular exercise which helps to move lymph, which is the body’s way of taking out the garbage. I do the five Tibetans, which takes about 20 minutes each morning, and I also do another series of exercises which is called Somato Therapy. This keeps my body toned and humming with delight. (You can buy a book on the Five Tibetans.)

Meditation

The importance of meditation for health, longevity and beauty cannot be over-emphasized. One of the major causes of ill health is stress. When we meditate, stress diminishes and we discover inner sources of bliss and well being. This fact has been well documented in recent studies. If you have not yet discovered the joy of meditation, give yourself the gift of a meditation retreat. Vipassana, Satori, Zen Meditation and Who Is In? are all good ways to dive deeply into the experience. The book, ‘Freedom Is‘ by Brandon Bays is a wonderful way to understand why meditation is good for you. Also, Osho’s book, ‘From Medication to Meditation‘.

Beauty

There is an old saying, “Beauty shines from within.” This is definitely true. Your attitude to life plays a very important role in how you appear to yourself and others. In order to nurture and maintain beauty, the number one rule is, Love yourself! The reason why Buddha, Jesus, Osho or Meera appear magnetically attractive is because they are so much in love with their own essence. If you have inner emotional wounding which prevents you from loving yourself, get off your ass and go for personal healing, active and cathartic meditation, and general therapy and bodywork for unwinding emotional stagnation. The ways I have unwound my past suffering was through Osho’s Dynamic Meditation, Mystic Rose, Prati Prasav (to unwind past lives) Colour Light Therapy, Cranial Sacral Therapy, Ito Thermie, Tachyon, Tantra and Meditation. I still use all of these methods whenever I feel the need to do inner healing or cleansing.

In addition to this, I go to a beauty therapist once every six weeks for a facial. It is a kind of religion for me. I may travel the earth almost non-stop, teaching groups, but I faithfully return to Siobhan in Kings Langley each six weeks to lay down for an hour and a half of heaven. She uses only natural organic products. She will travel if you gather several friends who want to experience her divine beauty treatments or learn about cultivating beauty.

While we are on the subject, take a look at your beauty products, such as soap, shampoo, toothpaste, body lotion and creams, and check out the list of ingredients. If it has sodium laural sulphate in it, throw it out. If it has petroleum derivatives, throw it out. If it has synthetic perfume, throw it out. Do yourself a very big favour and buy only organic products perfumed with lovely essential oils. There are many on the market, and it just takes a look in your local health food shop, or browsing on the internet to find these products. I even found amazing hair colour with zero toxic ingredients. Logona is the brand, using such things as, beet juice, coffee, tea, henna, etc. Simply Divine Botanicals is another very pure brand and Dr. Haushka is wonderful, to name just a few.

Longevity

My mother is 94 and still going strong. She has been a vegetarian for the past 40 years. She has outlived 3 husbands, all of whom ate junk food. She told me, “When I have an ache or pain, I just put on some music and dance for 20 minutes and all pain vanishes.” She is a great lover of daily walks in nature, and has a very naughty sense of humour. She also avoids doctors unless they are offering holistic healing, whenever possible. She is vibrant and very interested in life and love. She is my hero. I watched her transforming before my eyes when she reached menopause. Something within her suddenly came alive, with the decision to follow her own drummer and live life to the fullest, which she is still doing.

A study was done to find out what long lived people have in common. There are a few interesting things that stand out:

• They mistrust doctors, preferring to do their own research about their body and get second and third opinions before taking a course of action.
• They have a great sense of humour.
• They are quite naughty, and playful in their attitude to life.
• They are rebels, preferring to follow their own inner inspiration rather than being sheep following the flock.
• They have a deeply intuitive sense about life, listening to their inner wisdom and trusting it.
• They like to exercise and be in nature.
• They are always interested in learning new things.

Another 20 year study was done on the longest lived people in the world, in order to find out their secrets. The details of this fascinating study are in a book entitled, ‘The Okinawa Way, How to increase your health and longevity dramatically‘ by Bradley J. Willcox, D. Craig Willcox and Makoto Suzuki.

My own personal opinion is that Tantra is a master key for longevity. Sexual energy is our basic life force. If we can continue to cultivate and enjoy the myriad ways of enjoying sexual energy, whether that be sexual union or unfolding the power of Kundalini as it moves into superconsciousness states, we have entered the gateway of eternal life.

In addition to this, I need to add a word or two about the precious gift which has been in my life for the past 18 years, and that is Tachyon. The founder of Tachyon Technologies, David Wagner, has made a breakthrough discovery which merges science and spirituality. With the support of Tachyon, I am able to remain in a continuously youthful state, in spite of my busy travelling schedule. His brand new development, an amazing multi faceted Tachyonized crystal called the ‘Star Gate‘, is truly miraculous. With this tool, the matrix of the soul is returned to its original pristine state as all previous wounding evaporates back to source. Just in case some people reading this believe I am simply trying to ‘sell’ something, I just want you to know I make no profit from star gate sales. I am just so excited about it and wish to share it with people I love….. I have been using it with my large extended family over the Christmas holidays, and all are astounded at the results.

Tachyon Youthing and Meditation Products that I use on a regular basis: Sleep Pad, Ultra Cocoon, Sun Spots, Sleep Mask, Star Gate Crystal, Silica Disks and Gel, Tachyonized Water, Green Matrix food supplement, TLC Massage bars, Vortex Pendant, Face Cream, Ultra Freeze, Passion Dew, Shawls, Silk Blanket, Water charger or disk

Recommended Reading

Common Sense Health and Healing by Dr. Richard Schultz
Spiritual Nutrition by Gabriel Cousens M.D.
The China Study by T. Colin Campbell, PhD
The Okinawa Way; How to Improve Your Health and Longevity Dramatically By Bradley Willcox, M.D. / Craig Willcox, PhD and Makoto Suzuki, M.D.
Tachyon Energy, A New Paradigm in Holistic Healing by David Wagner and Gabriel Cousens M.D.
From Medication to Meditation by Osho

Article originally posted on Sarita’s personal blog: tantra-essence.com/blog

Read Sarita’s article which we published last month: Optimum Health
Listen to Sarita’s mom, Devadasi, read her own poems: The Rishi Told Me
Read Sarita’s story how she travelled to India and met Osho: In Search of the Essence of Life

Sarita met Osho in Mumbai in 1973 and shortly afterwards received sannyas. She spent the next 26 years in his communes where she worked cleaning Osho’s house, as a medium in energy darshan, in the PR department and as a holistic healer. Osho gave her the title ‘Mahasatvaa’ meaning ‘keeper of esoteric wisdom’. Since 1997 she has been teaching Tantra, holistic healing and meditation across the world. She lives in England and France. www.tantra-essence.com

Credit to Mariam

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Samarpan

Times of learning
Seven years ago, after an adventurous time at the Osho Meditation Resort, I started afresh in Cologne, Germany. The greatest joy at that time had been two things:
1. to watch funny movies and
2. to find out about online marketing.

Surprised how the science of marketing had changed during the five years that I had been busy in the meditation resort I was enthusiastic exploring this topic. So much fun out there in the internet and so many possibilities! I spent hours – fascinated – reading tips for entrepreneurs. You know those websites with “10 tips on how to be successful with your blog…” The internet – what a great opportunity for individuals to express their talents!

It was just logical to use the learnings for sharing my deepest passion: Osho. “What? You want to make a page with Osho quotes? How boring!” – a friend responded. I decided to prove my dreams worthwhile. Just for the fun of it.

In earlier buddhafield days I had been well known as a missionary and seeing the trouble I had created it was clear not to do that again. Thus the domain name had to be something unholy. Those days I experimented with a meditation technique of watching the tip of the nose and found this was the perfect name for a website: ‘FindYourNose’.

My first love – failed
Looking at the first design I now find it quite unprofessional. Yet at that time I loved it! The yummy green, a dog’s nose with a pointing finger and lots of great Osho quotes… lovely! One day there were 120 visitors surfing through the page and man, was I proud. 120 people – so many! As recommended by internet experts, FindYourNose.com provided facilities to make comments, to share insights, to read about friends who died and alive friends selling trainings or meditation cushions or crystals. Unfortunatly (or fortunately) the experts’ advices did not work out. Nobody shared anything and only a few friends were eager to advertise yet did not have money to pay for it. People who were ready to pay advertised meditation events with angels and Hindu masters, all of which I am not in favor of. The visitors numbers did not raise above 150 a day. What to do? Finished already – after one short, intense year having spent much money and energy to make the dream come true?

Second trial – layout changes and crystallization
Continously changing, letting go and adjusting to what is – all this I had learnt while living and working with people in the buddhafields. Material things though had been quite stable and it was new to find out that changing and constantly improving also corresponds to working in the internet. Everything there is moving so quickly. With clear eyes it was easy to see: FindYourNose.com had to change, and I had to let go of some dreams.

Thus I banned everything which was no fun, was unclear, which sucked, which was not resonating with me. The second version of FindYourNose.com became more simple, more to the point – and the point was meditation. It became an online magazine for meditation. As much as I loved the logo of the dog – it simply did not carry the message of meditation. Thus it was exchanged by a soft, female buddha head. The navigation was focused on meditation. A crystallization process had begun. For my own joy I added a page with trailers of my favorite funny movies. (Today this page is visited by 600 people daily.)

Growing perfection!
Until now I don’t really know why I have put so much energy into this website; it was simply natural to me. 10-12 hours of daily work – until today this is a regular amount of work for me. Yet, I would not call it work. Working with Osho’s vision is creativity, play and learning. Working with FindYourNose means to write articles on meditation or translate Osho on meditation – what kind of work is this?

To make FindYourNose.com known and reach many more people I also had to understand the ways of social media marketing like blogging, facebook and youtube and how to produce content by voice, video, pictures and text. Every day I learnt something new, growing perfection became one of my favorite sayings. And the laws of the internet required to find out how to optimize articles so they would be found easily by the search engines. I became an expert in online marketing.

Although FindYourNose.com was growing steadily, no money came in. Ok. After having translated and collected 1,200 quotes of Osho on meditation and written scientific articles on meditation the numbers of visitors within 2 years had gone up to about 500 a day. Brilliant, yet nobody of those readers were prepared to pay any money for the service. For the second time the bubble of hoping for success burst.

Third beginning with SEO optimization
Time for the third big change: I optimized the whole website for search engines, which was a big move and believe me, loooots of work. Each little page had to be opened and adjusted to search engine requirements: new titles, headlines with keywords, descriptions, renaming pictures, if possible new page addresses plus adding some advertisement for the products I had created (1 DVD, 2 Apps, Calender)… This major change went on quietly in the background since the layout of the page stayed the same. It almost took me 2 years to optimize 1,200 pages. Yet all the intense effort proved right: the numbers of visitors went up to 1,500 a day and is growing. 70% of which are coming via Google. This had been the most successful move so far.

My new communication skills opened a world of endless opportunities to share what I had learnt through Osho and experienced in my own life. To give you one example: I invented ‘meditation seconds’. Every day I send a picture with a text to 1,500 people via email. People love it. Being ready to experiment with what people love, I created an application for smartphones. It is called ’99 Meditation Seconds’: http://www.meditation-seconds.com/. Many more products will follow, just because the joy of creating something around meditation does not stop in me. Money still does not flow easily, yet I always get what I need to live comfortably – mainly through the online marketing service http://www.fyn-marketing.de/ I am offering. Much experience in failure – that’s what ‘professional’ means.

A virtual buddhafield
It seems you cannot avoid your destiny and my destiny seems to be in a buddhafield. I stepped out of it just to find myself seven years later in an even larger buddhafield, a virtual buddhafield. Without any intention my love for sharing what I am experiencing with Osho has created a “buddhanet” of daily 5,000 people who get in contact with Osho and his meditations. Although people might think it is me who is sitting in the middle of the net, they are wrong, of course it is Osho! My part is as it has been in any other buddhafield: I am simply an administrator enjoying when everything runs smoothly. And if things don’t work out? Simple: Time for change!

In English: www.meditation-seconds.com
In German: www.findyournose.com
In English: www.meditation-seconds.com
In German: www.sekunden-meditationen.de

Of course, these exploits had their consequences. The political caste made it as difficult as possible for the ashram to carry out Osho’s work. The widespread rumour was that the ashram had to grease many palms and paid large sums of baksheesh to be able to continue, otherwise the authorities would have just shut the place down, and they’d have found reasons enough. One person who had summed it up quite nicely was Poona’s Chief of Police, who reportedly had said, “This man (Osho) is so dangerous that he should be banned not only from Poona and India, but from the whole planet.” Quite a compliment, actually, to be coming from a cop, and in its substance not one bit off the mark.

What was of particular embarrassment for many Indians, not only the politicians, was the extensive press coverage of the ashram by the foreign media and their focus on sex and violence. No, the Indian government did “not look favorably at the activities of the ashram”, which resulted in foreign journalists, TV- and film crews being denied permission to cover the ashram. Of course they were inventive and found ways around and once they arrived, we had a well-staffed press office to give them just what they wanted. A German film company even went as far as shooting a full-length feature film there, “Ashram in Poona”, that also showed explicit scenes from encounter-type groups, and that turned out to be a big hit in German cinemas.

In another matter it once again was the corruptiveness of the Indian political system that came to our assistance. Unless you were so lucky as to come from a country within the British Commonwealth (then), all foreigners needed a visa for India, which was initially easy enough to obtain, but it got a bit sticky once you had been there for half a year and wanted to stay on any longer. Help did come along, in the form of a fat little Indian guy named Moses who was frequently seen hanging out around the ashram, and who was known by virtually everybody. “Visa? No problem!” He appeared to be so well connected that he could fix just about any visa situation, provided you could cough up the necessary dough. It was also rumored that on occasion he liked to take a cute ma to bed as compensation for his services. And towards the end of Poona I, he even took sannyas!

There was another guy who took the law into his own hands to express his hatred towards Osho, a Hindu fundamentalist named Vilas Tupe. On May 22, 1980, during a Hindi discourse in Buddha Hall, there was all of a sudden a commotion in the rear of the hall. I turned around, just in time to see a man who had stood up and was shouting something at Osho, and, judging by the tone of his voice, those were no pleasantries at all. Before anybody could react, he pulled out a large knife and threw that towards Osho. Lucky enough, the throw was short and the knife landed a few feet from the podium.

He was quickly apprehended by some sannyasins, taken out of the hall and handed over to the police (who, believe it or not, had been tipped off, and several of them were present in the hall, in plain clothes !!), before Osho continued with his discourse, seemingly unruffled. But, in a fine display of the corrupted Indian legal system, the case against Tupe was dropped soon afterwards and he was released. (Personally, I wouldn’t want to live with that kind of a karma, in jail or not … )

A consequence of this incident was a beefed up security at the ashram, and, within a few days, everybody going to discourse had to pass through a walk-thru metal detector, and after that get frisked. Before that, the only “check” we had to go through had been the “sniffers”. On the way into Buddha Hall, there was a line of (usually very pretty) mas, that were facing each other in pairs. You had to pass through a pair, and, while doing so, briefly stop while they were doing a deep breath inhalation. Anybody with a strong odor of tobacco smoke, perfume, soap etc. was asked to sit in the back of the hall, far away from Osho, who was very allergic against strong odors. Extreme cases were asked to remain outside. I presume that this system was also used to weed out people with bad vibes, but on that day it had failed.

My career as a handyman came to an abrupt end during the next monsoon, in the summer of 1980, when I got the job to go up onto a roof to make some repairs there. An hour or so earlier it had rained, the tiles were more slippery than I thought them to be, and before I was really up on that roof I was sliding down again. I fell about ten feet to the ground and landed with my right heel first on a very hard and unyielding cement surface, which put a good crack into my heel bone. Ouch, that hurt! I got a nice cast on my foot and was seen hobbling around on crutches for the next seven weeks. Some people even called me “peg leg”!

This may all sound quite dramatic, but I was beautifully taken care of by the commune. After a week in the ashram ward I went back to work, as a receptionist for the group facilities at the Music House, another property the ashram had rented nearby. There wasn’t really much to do, I was just sitting there in that chair all day, watching who was coming in, and smoking a lot of beedies. Friends would drop by for a chat, and, now that I couldn’t run away any more, beautiful mas would come and sit on my lap.

Being involved in a situation like this helped the healing process more than anything else. And it also was a great teaching, in many ways. Since I was on crutches, I had to ask for help a lot of times (like getting my lunch tray), and some kind soul (actually, it was one of the group leaders) gave me the extremely valuable piece of advice, “Watch how you ask – don’t whine, and don’t demand.”

After the cast came off, I slowly and very painfully had to learn how to walk again, and it took a lot of effort to eventually let go of my crutches. During that whole time I had to sit in the “cripple section” during discourse, which consisted of a few chairs way in the back of Buddha Hall. On the day when I was finally able to sit on the floor again (and much closer to the podium), it was no other than Osho who, in the course of the discourse, said, “I am going to take all your crutches away!” – as a warning of what was yet to come.

From Bodhena’s Adventures in Samsara – read previous excerpts…

There was really no need. The person who examined me could understand it clearly: I can drive from here to Madras, and I have an Indian license for driving, and I have an international license for driving, so he simply thought it was absolutely foolish. I could examine him! He just went around with me to show that an examination was being done – a nice fellow.
The Last Testament Vol, 1, Ch 13  (Interview with Laura Parker, Seattle Post Examiner)

I have been caught twice in America speeding, because I cannot drive at fifty-five miles per hour when the car is made to go one hundred and forty miles per hour! Do you see the inconsistency of the governments? You make the car to go a hundred and forty miles per hour, and you make the rule that nobody can go faster than fifty-five. Then why do you create these cars? – just let them go fifty-five miles per hour. There is no need to make any law, there is no need to put signs on every crossroads that you should not go beyond fifty-five. And you are allowing car factories to create cars which are meant to go one hundred and forty miles per hour….

What kind of intelligence is ruling the world?

I was moving as fast as the car could go, and when I was stopped by the police, the cops, they said, “You are going beyond the speed limit.”

I said, “Look at my speedometer. I cannot move beyond the speedometer.”

They said, “We are not concerned with your speedometer. Don’t you see the sign boards?”

I said, “When I am driving I look ahead! And when a person is moving at one hundred and forty miles per hour, do you want him to look sideways?”

They said, “You are a strange person.”

I said, “Ask your government that all factories should create cars which go only fifty-five miles per hour. There will be no question of so many cops on the road. I listen to my engine, not to your signs!”

They talked with each other, “What should we do?” They gave me a ticket, that I had to be present in court.

I said, “It is better I don’t appear in the court; otherwise your judges will be embarrassed just as you are embarrassed. So my attorney will deal with it. It is not much of a matter – fifty dollars.”

And exactly fifty dollars I was fined.

I said, “That does not matter. Once in a while you can catch me. And why bother the court? – I can give you fifty dollars on the spot. But my speed will remain according to my speedometer!”

Then I made arrangements for one car ahead of me, one car behind me. And I had made arrangements … There are mechanical devices which give you a signal when the cops are around. I continued to move at my speed!

Only in Salt Lake City you can move freely … or in Germany. Adolf Hitler will be remembered in history for making the greatest road, for the first time, on which you can drive at any speed you want.

Rather than increasing the roads, making better roads, you prevent people from speeding. And unless the car moves beyond one hundred, you don’t have the feeling of a great ecstasy: you are almost flying!

Osho, Christianity: The Deadliest Poison and Zen: The Antidote to All Poisons, Ch 2

In a freakish echo of the Spider-Man comic strip, workers at a U.S nuclear waste facility discovered the growth on uranium last month.

The white ‘string-like’ material – never seen before on nuclear waste – was found among thousands of spent fuel assemblies submerged in deep pools.

Experts from Savannah River National Laboratory collected a small sample of the mystery material to run tests.

A report filed by the Defense Nuclear Facilities Safety Board – a federal oversight panel – concluded: ‘The growth, which resembles a spider web, has yet to be characterised, but may be biological in nature.’

The report said the initial sample of the growth was too small to characterise, and that ‘further evaluation still needs to be completed’.

But the bizarre growth will stoke fears that nuclear fuel can cause Frankenstein-style mutations.

It echoes the plot of Spider-Man, where Peter Parker becomes a superhero after being bitten by a mutant spider at a nuclear waste laboratory.

The webs were found at the Savannah River Site in South Carolina, a 300-square-mile nuclear clean-up facility owned by the U.S Department of Energy.

Experts say that any creature inside in the pools of water – which are intended to protect workers – would have been exposed to the nuclear fuel.

This raises the prospect of a creature having morphed into a new species of ‘extremophile’ after being exposed to uranium.

Organisms with a natural resistance to radiation are said to be ‘radioresistant,’ and do exist. Deinococcus radiodurans is one of the most naturally radioresistant organisms on Earth and has been genetically engineered so that that it can be used in the treatment of radioactive waste.

Osman Kemal Kadirolu, a former professor of nuclear engineering at the University of Istanbul, said: ‘As we know life evolves in most unusual places. Volcanoes at the mid-Atlantic are thriving with life where the water temperature is below 0C and pressure is more than 300atm. Or in hot salt water pools around geysers.

‘The water in the spent fuel pools is maintained at a certain pH and temperature. If micro organisms enter into the pool they may have a chance to live.

‘The radiation field near a spent fuel assembly is very large and will definitely disturb the normal life cycle of the micro-organisms.

‘Though I am sure you would not get monsters like the ones that come out of the Sea of Japan in cheap Japanese horror movies.’

The growth was found on fuel stored in a compound with three-foot-thick concrete walls and pools that ranged from 17 to 30ft deep.

Racks of nuclear waste are submerged in the water – some containing highly enriched uranium – from foreign and domestic research reactors.

Will Callicott, a spokesman for Savannah River National Laboratory, said in an e-mail that officials hope to collect a larger sample for analysis.

He added: ‘Whatever it is, it doesn’t appear to be causing any damage.’

Nobody from U.S. Department of Energy or Defense Nuclear Facilities Safety Board was available for comment.

www.dailymail.co.uk

Firstpost, India, February 9, 2012 by Abhay Vaidya

Pune: Even 22 years after his death, spiritual mystic Osho, or Bhagwan Rajneesh, continues to spark controversy. This time, the issue is not sex, which always shadowed his name, but something even sexier: the fate of prime real estate belonging to the Osho International Foundation (OIF) at Koregaon Park, Pune, estimated at a value of around Rs 1,000 crore.

In recent weeks, what has grabbed the attention of the public – especially the community of his followers – is the incredulous gifting of prime properties by the OIF to an unknown trust in New Delhi, called the Darshan Trust.

The Osho Commune, renamed Osho International Meditation Resort after his death, is located at Koregaon Park along with other Osho properties spread on 25-30 acres of land and controlled by the OIF.

At a time when politicians, builders, generals and brigadiers are found involved in one land-grab scam after another, here is this extraordinarily generous OIF which seems to be on a property-gifting spree, claiming that maintaining and managing these properties has become a burden.

Opposing them are another set of Osho followers who have accused the OIF trustees of maladministration and complained to the Charity Commissioner, Mumbai.

The matter was exposed in recent months by two, long-time followers of Osho, Yogesh Thakkar (Swami Prem Geet) and Kishor Raval (Swami Prem Anadi), who discovered OIF’s application dated 19 September 2011, to the Charity Commissioner, Mumbai, under section 36(1)(a) of the Bombay Public Trusts Act, 1950.

This application, signed by OIF trustee Mukesh Sarda, proposed to gift six units in Little Woods Coop Housing Society, plot number 22, Koregaon Park, to New Delhi-based Darshan Trust with its registered office at A-34, Defence Colony.

Sarda’s application on behalf of OIF said that the Darshan Trust had approached OIF “with a request for some space to accommodate the teachers and participants of its activities in Pune” and that the matter was discussed in detail at a meeting of the trustees on 14 August 2011.

As per documents submitted by the OIF to the Charity Commissioner, Sarda stated at this meeting that the the 6,611-square-foot property was “excess space”, not needed by the OIF. He also said that the OIF was finding it unaffordable to maintain and repair this property as it was not deriving any income from it.

The OIF trustees then decided unanimously at the 14 August meeting to donate the property to Darshan Trust subject to the approval and sanction of the Charity Commissioner. The condition stipulated was that the stamp duty, registration and other expenses towards “the alienation of the property” be borne by Darshan Trust.

Armed with documents obtained under the Right to Information Act, 2005, Thakkar and Raval questioned the gift proposal and filed a petition with the Charity Commissioner, challenging the OIF application. They were soon joined by another senior Osho follower, Nitin Phulphagar (Swami Nitin Bharati), in challenging various activities of the OIF, even as Osho followers within and outside the country began extending support.

While in the midst of this battle, Thakkar and Raval were shocked when they stumbled upon a 17 March 2011 decision of Charity Commissioner MK Chaure approving another OIF proposal to gift plot CTS No 3, Koregaon Park, Pune to the same Darshan Trust.

Measuring 5,387 sq m, this plot is located in Lane No 1 Koregaon Park, and was being used as a parking lot for the Osho Meditation Resort. According to the Osho disciples, the market value of this plot is estimated at more than Rs35 crore.

The reasons given by the OIF for gifting this property (excess space not required) and the conditions laid down for the transaction (Darshan Trust to bear cost of stamp duty, etc.) were similar to the previous application.

The OIF has never felt it necessary to explain these controversial gift deeds or reply to criticism. Whenever asked for an explanation by this journalist, OIF’s trustee and member (management team) Sadhana Belapurkar has restricted herself to saying that “the matter is subjudice.”

Another issue that worries Osho’s followers and admirers concerns his samadhi inside the meditation resort. After he was cremated in Pune on the night of 19 January 1990, Osho’s ashes were collected and put in an urn which was buried in his bedroom. This became his Samadhi, beautified with wall-sized glass windows, marble walls and flooring and an impressive circular chandelier.

The samadhi has a special significance in eastern cultures and naturally Osho’s followers and others want the sanctity of this place respected for all times.

However, the OIF, controlled by a group of his foreign followers, has a different view. Represented by Sadhana Belapurkar (also known as Amrit Sadhana), the OIF management went so far as to say in an interview to this journalist that it was “a mistake” on their part to use the word “samadhi”. As she explained, “We do not call it a samadhi. It is called Chuang Tzu (hall) where Osho gave his first lectures after arriving in Pune in 1974. As per Osho’s wishes, his ashes were put in an urn and buried there.”

Like all samadhis in India, Osho’s admirers who respect him for his many incisive commentaries on spiritualism, his emphasis on meditation and acceptance of sexuality, want the samadhi to be made accessible to the public. That has not happened so far.

These and many other issues were raised by Thakkar and Raval with the Charity Commissioner.

On 7 December 2011, Thakkar, Raval and Phulphagar applied for interim relief to the charity commissioner through an application alleging irregularities by the OIF management. The application alleged that some OIF trustees had formed a new company “Osho Multimedia & Resorts Pvt Ltd” in which they had vested interests. Those named as opponents in the application included Mukesh Kantilal Sarda (Swami Mukesh Bharti), Devendra Singh Devol, Sadhana Belapurkar, Lal Pratap Singh; Inner Circle Chairman Michael Byrne (Swami Jayesh); Inner Circle Vice-Chairman George Meredith alias John Andrews (Swami Amrito); and Inner Circle member Darcy Byrne (Swami Yogendra). (The Inner Circle is an informal group of Osho community individuals who run the show at OIF).

On another front, Thakkar and Raval have created a website www.oshowork.org to gather support for their crusade for transparency in the affairs of the OIF.

This is by far, the biggest battle between the opposing factions of Osho’s followers in recent years. The last big clash was the “copyright battle” which was lost by the OIF some years ago in its attempt to claim intellectual property rights over the word “Osho” and everything attributed to the spiritual master.

www.firstpost.com

Read our article: Nena and Osho’s Meditations
Credit to Jivana in Cologne

In 2009 she gave an interview to Sueddeutsche Zeitung, declaring: “I am a fan of Osho. Two or three years ago I’ve discovered him for myself. I enjoy reading his books and find myself there again.

“I’m completely liberal, which Osho was also,” she continued. ”It depends what you yourself do with it. I see this very, very sincerely. Just read him.  I don’t want to advertise anything, but to me it feels good. For example, I do Dynamic Meditation, which is physical, to detoxify myself. We meet with people and meditate together. We don’t sit on the floor, for that I am overloaded with too much information. I also tried Transcendental Meditation; I can’t do it. Osho had an answer for me: the Dynamic Meditation. For one hour you are physically totally with it and subsequently you have genuinely met yourself.”

One of her hits is the song, ‘We are true’ (Wir sind wahr), and for one of her performances she showed people in loose orange robes doing Dynamic Meditation (for English lyrics see below):

Lyrics – We are true

We are true, no lie
The reason why I fly
I believe you’re my angel
I borrow your wings
We are true
Really close to the goal of goals
The highest of feelings
For the first time endless

The last true love
The last true love

You do me good, where do you want to go
I am more beautiful when I am with you
I don’t want to know where we are tomorrow
Because this moment is forever true
Go ahead, bring me to a halt and come, come, come
We’ll start with the true love today
I am there and want to warm you
And become bigger and bigger with you

We are true, no lie
The reason why I fly
I believe you’re my angel
I borrow your wings
We are true
Really close to the goal of goals
The ultimate expression of feelings
For the first time infinite

The last true love
The last true love

I feel good, you are with me
We want to jump, I trust you
Open up, make yourself louder, do more, more, more
We give each other a paradise for it
We meet each other on empty streets
It’s so easy to let you go
We love each other infinitely
We are indestructible, immortal

We are true, no lie
The reason why I fly
I believe you’re my angel
I borrow your wings
We are true
Really close to the goal of goals
The ultimate expression of feelings
For the first time infinite

The last true love
The last true love

We are not alone anymore…
We are not alone anymore…

Bhagawati for Osho News

I met him for the first time shortly before he published his book Grow Youthful and was intrigued by his approach. About a decade previously he had set out questioning why some people are still vibrant with youthful looks in their seventies, while others seem spent and ill in their thirties. As he investigated different remedies, diets and lifestyles, he noticed that people with a different outlook on life to mainstream looked usually at least a decade younger than they were. They were playful and had fun, they did some exercise but not excessively, and they ate great food – food that he himself had shunned for years in the belief it might be harmful for him!

Grahi tried many different diets and health approaches over the years, including vegetarian, vegan, Ayurvedic, Taoist, raw food, macrobiotic, acid-alkaline, blood-type, Paleolithic, Mediterranean, traditional, and the diets published in numerous popular books. He interviewed hundreds of people about their personal experiences and assessed how they were ageing. He learned everything he could about nutrition, biochemistry, psychology, energy work, the mind-body links, consciousness research and different types of meditation. Furthermore he researched (and used on himself) Tai Chi, yoga, Pilates, breath work, Taoist exercises, many different meditations, various modes of bodywork, and heat and cold treatments.

He concluded that a lot of the health information published in the media is simply not true, but carefully crafted to serve the industries and associations that sponsor these very articles. He was dismayed to discover that so much of the information on the web, in popular books, and even in published research is just lies and twisting of the facts. The food-, pharmaceutical-, health products industries and associations of health professionals first and foremost serve their own financial interests.

As a result of questioning the status quo, Grahi ‘re’-discovered that many traditional household remedies, ingredients and old-fashioned, unprocessed foods are highly effective cures – much more effective than drugs and medications. He healed himself of several physical complaints he’d had for years, by using some of the healthy remedies detailed in his book and shows that such remedies really work. Most of them are cheap, natural, widely available, and cannot be patented; many have even been deliberately discredited.

Grahi said, “Many of the root causes of ageing and modern diseases are embarrassingly simple and people need an open mind to accept some of my suggestions; they are quite contrary to what we have been led to believe.

“What I have found and what I am sharing is a new approach to a healthy life, that makes your body want to be young, joyful! I have tried everything I write about and write from personal experience. I am also in contact with people who have tried these remedies themselves – sick people, naturopaths, doctors, herbalists, people who look 15 years younger than their age, people who are ageing fast, and people who are as passionate about youthing and health as I am.

“I have a gift in being able to sift through the mass of conflicting and misleading messages, jargon and confusion. What I say is just common sense. I find what really works, clearly and simply.”

Here a few examples for what you will find answers to:

• Which simple, natural foods and remedies cure numerous diseases
• Five little known ways you can speed your ageing – with your mind
• Why sunlight is critical for good health, and how much is too much
• Rejuvenate your skin
• Improve your memory and mental clarity
• Sail through menopause, without any drugs

Grahi is presently very much involved with his free weekly newsletter through which his audience has become ever larger. He says, “I’m still reading, researching and experimenting with myself and others every day, the topics and findings are limitless. The latest brew in my kitchen is water kefir, which I had dismissed for years because it is brewed in a sugar medium. A new web page has gone up and I feel it is a fantastic probiotic.”

His website has many interesting features, including the Ailments and Remedies section. Readers are encouraged to participate by adding their own experiences with natural remedies they know to work (or not work). The website also offers several tests – biological age, rate of ageing, Ayurvedic body type and BMI, that I found partially helpful in assessing my own body strengths and weaknesses.

In addition he published the ‘Grow Youthful Recipe Book’ with many essential basic recipes (check out our recipe section: Homemade Mayonnaise and Zucchini Cakes) and easy to follow instructions. It includes many traditional recipes some of which that can be prepared hours or days before you use them. They are slow foods, the opposite of fast-food.

Jivan Grahi (David Niven Miller) was born and raised in Zimbabwe and lives nowadays in Perth, Western Australia; he is a regular swimmer who loves the wild shore of the Indian Ocean nearby. By profession an economist and author of several successful computer self-help books, he embarked several years ago on a successful quest on how to slow down the aging process.

www.growyouthful.com – www.amazon.com, available in e-book and paperback.

Read our book review: Grow Youthful by Jivan Grahi
Bhagawati for Osho News

Ingredients

1 egg yolk
1 whole egg
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp whey (optional)
¼ tsp sea salt
1 cup extra virgin olive oil

Preparation

Blend all the ingredients except the oil in a food processor. With the motor running, slowly add the oil to achieve a thick creamy consistency. Taste and adjust salt or lemon juice if necessary.

Notes

For a sweeter mayonnaise, use macadamia oil instead of olive oil. You can also substitute some or all of the olive oil if its flavor is too strong.

If you added the whey to the recipe, leave it to sit at a cool room temperature, well covered, for 6 hours before putting it in your refrigerator.

Will keep for about 2 weeks in the refrigerator, or for several months if whey was added.

Homemade mayonnaise is rich in important nutrients, making your sandwiches and salads delicious as well as easily digestible. It is completely different to store-bought, pasteurized, dead, bottled mayonnaise.

From the Grow Youthful Recipe e-Book by Grahi

Ingredients
Serves 4 (3 cakes each)

4 cups of grated zucchini
1 tbsp finely ground sea salt
4 eggs, beaten
1 red onion, finely chopped
2 cups of sourdough breadcrumbs (make with old bread in the blender or food processor)
½ cup strong cheese, grated (Parmesan, Romano, Swiss, etc.; you can also use nut cheese
1/2 tsp sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
4 tbsp butter
4 tbsp olive oil

Preparation

Mix the zucchini well with the salt and let it stand for 30 minutes. Rinse with fresh water and squeeze dry in a tea towel.

Mix all ingredients together and form them into a dozen flat cakes. Fry a few at a time in a pan on medium heat.

Serving suggestion – with tomato sauce

From the Grow Youthful Recipe e-Book by Grahi

Jivan Grahi (David Niven Miller) was born and raised in Zimbabwe and lives nowadays in Perth, Western Australia; he is an avid swimmer who loves the wild shore of the Indian Ocean nearby. By profession an economist and author of several successful self-help books about computers, he embarked twelve years ago on a quest on how to slow down the aging process.
www.growyouthful.com, www.amazon.com – available in paperback and e-book

Review

This book is an amazing mind opener to learn how to improve one’s well-being by eating nutrient-dense foods, developing a high-function lifestyle, and harnessing the power of the mind. Although I’ve been eating healthy diet for many years (and hardly any processed foods), I found a lot of new and important input.

Grahi challenges the reader to question the life style he/she is leading, if it fits, if it is healthy or has room for improvement, emphasizing that everybody has the choice to either believe in old age combined with dis-ease, or to embark on a change in attitude and aim for a longer, youthful and healthy life.

A lot of the so-called degenerative diseases so many suffer from are often stress related, due to lack of exercise and improper food intake. He offers self healing methods, meditations, relaxation and breathing exercises and addresses many common questions that the mind uses to avoid the conclusion that change is definitely needed!

The food part is large and thorough with the emphasis on living food: “Only eat foods that spoil or rot, but eat them before they do.”

The book is a rich encyclopedia on food, eating habits, nutrition, supplements, water and healing, with several easy to navigate reference tables such as the Glycemic Index of a large selection of foods. Don’t worry, once you get to that table you know what Glycemic means!

Grahi particularly speaks about lifestyle and dietary factors that will slow your rate of ageing. The most important seems to be lowering one’s calorific intake. The obvious question is how to do that without feeling hungry. And yes, he has answers.

He encourages the reader to take the responsibility to live healthily and so possibly reverse the process of aging. He explains complex matters in a simple way and after I read the book I was very inspired to implement several changes into my own food chain. The book is packed with information – too much to cite here – once I opened it I read it from cover to cover and have it close-by for any queries that might come up in daily life!

Bhagawati, Osho News 

Maybe in a million years
a better form of human
being will come, happier
and more intelligent.  A few already
have infiltrated this world and lived
to very much regret it,
I suppose.
Me,
I’d prefer to have come
in the form of that hawk, floating over
the mirroring fire
of Clearlake’s
hill, my gold
skull filled with nothing
but God’s will
the whole day through, instead
of these glinting voices incessantly
unerringly guiding me
to pursue
what makes me sick, and not to
what makes me glad.  And yet
I am changing: this three-pound lump
of sentient meat electrified
by hope and terror has learned to hear
His silence like the sun,
and sought to change!
And friends
on earth at the same time
as me, listen: from the sound of those crickets
last night, Rene Char said
prenatal life
must have been sweet -
each voice perhaps also a star
in that night
from which
this time
we won’t be
interrupted anymore – but
fellow monsters while we are still here, for one minute, think
about this: there is someone right now who is looking
to you, not Him, for whatever
love still exists.

Franz Wright (from his book, God’s Silence)

As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.

Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds and a large amount of cash.

A few weeks later, once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the kind of gesture he anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: “I thought you would be generous again and would give me another BMW, diamonds and money… but you only sent me a thank-you card!”

To this the Arab replied: “Aye, but Laddie, I now have Scottish blood in me veins.”

Credit to Fatima

In fact, before you have dropped your own problems, you cannot have the right perspective to understand the world problems. Your own home is in such a mess, your own inner being is in such a mess – how can you have a perspective to understand vast problems? You have not even understood yourself; start from there, because every other start will be a wrong start.

And people who are in a tremendously confused state of mind start helping others, and start proposing solutions. These people have created more troubles in the world than they have solved. These are the real mischief-mongers: the politicians, the economists, the so-called public servants, missionaries. These are the real mischief-mongers – they have not solved their own inner consciousness yet, and they are ready to bump into everybody else and to solve everybody else’s problem. In fact, in this way they are avoiding their own reality: they don’t want to face it. They want to remain engaged somewhere else with somebody else – this gives them good occupation, good distraction.

Remember: you are the world problem, you are the problem, and unless you are solved, whatsoever you do is going to make things more complicated. First bring your home in an order – create a cosmos there; it is a chaos.

There is one ancient Indian fable, a very old story but of great importance …

A great but foolish king complained that the rough ground hurt his feet, so he ordered the whole kingdom to be carpeted with cowhide to protect his feet. But the court fool laughed at this – he was a wise man. Said he, “The king’s idea is simply ridiculous.”

The king was very angry and said to the fool, “You show me a better alternative, otherwise you will be put to death.”

The fool said, “Sire, cut out small pads of cowhide to cover your feet.” And this is how shoes were born.

There is no need to cover the whole earth with cowhide; just covering your feet covers the whole earth. And this is the beginning of wisdom. Yes, there are problems, I agree. There are great problems. Life is so much of a hell. Misery is there, violence is there, all kinds of madnesses are afloat, that’s true – but still I insist the problem arises in the individual soul. The problem is there because individuals are in a chaos. The total chaos is nothing but a combined phenomenon: we have all poured our chaos into it.

The world is nothing but a relationship; we are related with each other. I am neurotic, you are neurotic: then the relationship goes very very neurotic – multiplied, not only doubled. And everybody is neurotic, hence the world is neurotic. Adolf Hitler is not born out of the blue – we create him. Vietnam is not born out of the blue – we create it. It is our pus that comes out; it is our chaos that takes the toll. The beginning has to be with you: you are the world problem. So don’t avoid the reality of your inner world – that is the first thing.

You ask: Does attainment to the seventh chakra, samadhi, total dissolution of the ego, mean that one no longer is interested in the problems that face mankind? No, in fact only then is one really interested. But his interest will be of a totally different kind: he will look to the root cause of it. When you are interested you are interested in the symptoms. When a Buddha or a Christ is interested he is interested in the root. You may not agree because you cannot see the root, you see only the symptom. He is interested – but now he knows where the root is, and he tries hard to change that root.

Poverty is not the root, greed is the root. Poverty is the outcome. You go on fighting with poverty – nothing will happen. Greed is the root; the greed has to be uprooted. War is not the problem, individual aggressiveness is the problem – war is just the total. You go on doing protest marches, and war is not going to be stopped. That doesn’t matter – your protest marches, everything – you can enjoy the fun. There are a few people who enjoy the fun; you can find them in any protest march. You can ask Astha – her mother and her father have both been protesters. Anywhere you will find them protesting; all over the world her mother goes on trotting, protesting against everything. It is fun – you may have also enjoyed it.

In my childhood, I used to enjoy it very much. I was in every procession, and even the elders of my town started worrying. They said, “You are everywhere – whether it is a communist procession or a socialist or a congress … anti-communist … you are there.” I said, “I enjoy the fun. I’m not worried about the political philosophy – just shouting is so much fun; I enjoy the exercise.”

You can enjoy; it does not make much difference – war goes on. And if you look at these protesters you will see these are very aggressive people – you will not see peace on their faces. They are ready to fight. Peace-protest marches any moment turn into riots. These are aggressive people – in the name of peace they are showing their aggression. They are ready to fight: if the have power, if they have the atom bomb, they will drop the atom bomb to create peace. That’s what all politicians say – they say they are fighting so that peace can prevail.

The problem is not war, and Bertrand Russels are not going to help. The problem is inner aggression in individuals. People are not at ease with themselves, hence war has to exist – otherwise these people will go mad.

Each decade a great war is needed to unburden humanity of neurosis. You may be surprised to know that in the First World War, psychologists became aware of a very rare, strange phenomenon. When the war continued, suddenly the proportion of people who used to go mad fell almost to nil. Suicides were not committed, murders were not done, and people even stopped going mad. That was strange – what has that to do with war? Maybe murders are not done because murderers have gone to the army, but what happened to people who commit suicide? Maybe they have also joined the army, but then what happened to people wo go mad? – they have even stopped going mad? And then again in the Second World War the same thing happened, in a greater proportion; and then the link was known, the association.

Humanity goes on accumulating a certain quantity of neurosis, madness: each decade, it has to throw it out. So when there is war – war means when humanity has gone mad as a whole – then there is no need to go mad privately; what is the point? All are mad – then there is no point in trying to become mad privately. When one nation is murdering another, and there is so much suicide and murder, what is the point of doing these things on your own? You can simply look at the TV and enjoy, you can read it in the papers and have the thrill.

The problem is not war, the problem is individual neurosis.

A man who has become enlightened looks into the deep causes of things. Buddha, Christ, Krishna, they have been looking into the root, and they have been trying to tell you: Change the root – a radical transformation is needed; ordinary reformations won’t do. But then you may not understand – because I am here, I go on talking about meditation … no, you can’t see the relationship, how meditation is related with war. I see the relationship, you don’t see the relationship.

My understanding is this: that if even one percent of humanity becomes meditative, wars will disappear – and there is no other way. That much quantity of meditative energy has to be released. If one percent of humanity – that means one in one hundred people – becomes meditative, things will have a totally different arrangement. Greed will be less; naturally, poverty will be less. Poverty is not there because things are scarce; poverty is there because people are hoarding, because people are greedy. If we live right now, there is enough, the earth has enough to give us. But we plan ahead, we hoard – then trouble arises.

Just think of birds hoarding … then a few birds will become rich and a few will become poor; then American birds will become the richest, and the whole world will suffer. But they don’t hoard, so there is no poverty. Have you ever seen a bird poor? Animals in the forest – nobody is poor, nobody is rich. In fact you don’t even see fat birds and lean and thin birds. All the crows are almost alike; you cannot even recognise which is which. Why? They enjoy, they don’t hoard.

Even to become fat means you are hoarding inside the body – that is a miserly mind. Misers become constipated; they cannot even throw out. They hoard: they control even defecation, they go on hoarding even rubbish. Hoarding is a habit.

To live in the moment, to live in the present, to live lovingly, to live in friendship, to care … and then the world will be totally different. The individual has to change, because the world is nothing but a projected phenomenon of the individual soul.

No, he will be interested – only he will be interested – but his interest will be of different dimensions. You may not even be able to understand it. People come to me and they say, “What are you doing? There is poverty and there is ugliness, and you go on teaching about meditation. Stop this. Do something for poverty.” But nothing can be done for poverty directly. Only meditative energy has to be released so people can enjoy the moment. Then there will be no poverty. Communism is not going to destroy poverty; it has not destroyed it anywhere. It has created new sorts of poverty – and greater, and more dangerous: now the Russian is far more poor because he has lost his soul too. Now he is really not an individual at all – not even the freedom to pray and to meditate.

This is not going to help, this is destroying. These are the do-gooders – avoid them.

And you say: Will there not be a little room to develop one’s own abilities, talents? In fact there will be no need to develop them, they will start developing. When a man meditates he starts flowering. If he is a painter, he will become a great painter. If he is a poet, then suddenly tremendous poetry will arise out of his soul. If he is a singer, for the first time he will sing a song that is close to his heart’s desire.

No, there is no need to make any effort. When you are silent, rooted in your being, centered, your talents automatically start functioning. You start functioning the way God always wanted you to function. You start functioning the way you were born to function, you start functioning the way your destiny wants you to function. You become spontaneous. You start doing your thing – and now you don’t bother whether it pays or not, whether it makes you more respectable or not. It makes you happy, and that’s enough. It makes you tremendously joyful, and that is more than enough.

Meditation releases your energies – then there is no other need. And a man who has come to samadhi, the seventh chakra – what more is possible? He functions as a God. He is a full blown-up existence. He has come to the ultimate flowering – now nothing is needed. His every moment is creative, his every gesture is creative, his very life is grace.

But there are people who would like to go very roundabout: they would like to change the world first, and then they will come to themselves. But let me tell you, you will never be able to come to yourself if you go that far.

I have heard…

An old man was sitting near Delhi and a young man was driving past. He came to a halt and asked the old man, “How far is Delhi?” The old man said, “If you go on the way you are going, and in the direction you are going, it is very very far. You will have to travel the whole earth – because you have left Delhi behind, just two miles back.”

If you turn, then it is not very far – just a question of two minutes. If you go to change the whole world and then you think you will change yourself, you will never be able to; you will never be able to come back home. Start where you are. You are part of this ugly world: by changing yourself you are changing the world. What are you? – a part of this ugly world. Why try to change the neighbour? – he may not like it, he may not want it, he may not be interested. If you have become aware that the world needs a great change, then you are the closest world to yourself: start from there.

But there are a few people who are very philosophical. They brood, and they go in roundabout ways.

I have been reading Leo Rosten’s beautiful book The Joys of Yiddish. He tells of a great Jewish philosopher, Mr. Sokoloff, who had been dining regularly at a certain restaurant on Second Avenue, beginning each meal with a dish of chicken soup.

One night, Mr. Sokoloff called out to his waiter, “Come back here and taste this soup.”

“After twenty years,” demurred the waiter, “you question the perfection of our wonderful chicken soup?”

“Come back and taste it,” repeated Mr. Sokoloff.

“All right, all right,” conceded the waiter, “I’ll taste it – but where’s the spoon?”

“Aha!” cried Mr. Sokoloff.

He simply wants to say, “I don’t have a spoon.” Now he goes in such a roundabout way – “Taste this soup….”

Don’t go so roundabout, don’t be so philosophical. If you don’t have the spoon, simply say you need a spoon. The spoon will do.

All that one needs is a spoonful of meditation.

Osho, The Divine Melody, Ch 8 – found by Bodhena

In an emotional speech Louie Schwartzberg gave last year at one of the laudable TED Talks he said about the movie, “I realized that nature had invented reproduction as a mechanism for life to move forward as a life force that passes right through us and makes us a link in the evolution of life…. Rarely seen by the naked eye, this intersection between the animal world and the plants world is truly a magic moment, it is a mystical moment where life regenerates itself over and over again.”

To watch and listen to Louie Schwartzberg’s TED speech: The hidden beauty of pollination

Bhagawati, Osho News

Those sensitive boys could not reach
the remote corners of your heart.
Now, I ravish every fiber, down to
where your roots marry the riverbed.

Embrace this darkness, my darling —
your wildness may save you. Let
love puncture the petty virtues
of the dammed world. Closed bud,

reborn whole, forget compromise.
Cut off my head if I ever offer
you less than the entire present.
Would you flower any other way?

Poem by Michael Graber
Photo by Bhagawati

The short one, Jackie leaned over and said, “Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10.00 I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid, boring flower show!”

“You’re on!” said Dorace, holding up a $10.00 note.

So Jackie slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

Finally, the smiling Jackie came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering, clapping crowd.

“What happened?” asked her waiting friend.

“I won $1,000 as 1st prize for Best Dried Arrangement!”

Credit Jeevan

On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

The Japanese tourist leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled: ”Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi, and again, the Japanese man leaned out of the taxi window and yelled: ”Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi.

For the 3rd time the Japanese leaned out of the taxi window and yelled: “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

The cab driver was a little annoyed, but he kept quiet.

And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport and the fare was 800 Rupees.

The Japanese exclaimed, “What? So expensive?”

The cab driver yelled back, “Meter, made in India. Very very fast!”

Late afternoon, and I hear a sudden change:
Rain’s fragile sister – silently, in slow motion –
snow, descending.
The dog demands to be outside.
Hurries, ears pricked, along the whitened balcony,
Stops, looks about her cloaked territory, perplexed;
Sniffs an odour-less reality; then shifts her gaze
upwards and barks,
affronted: This strange eraser of the everyday!

The wood once bluebell carpeted,
and later, thickly golden leaved:
now host to trees pared down
to trunk and limb. A solitary grey.
and unadorned, almost, for some are
lichen clad and
some bear necklaces of
ivy inching upwards, endlessly
crisscrossing. From sodden branches,
lustrous pearls suspended.

This morning scarved, encased in coats and wellies,
still I gasp as cold nips its way along my neck,
grabs greedily at fingers and fiercely pummels my face.
The dog bounds, exuberant, ahead, while my
tentative feet test stony steps and wend their way
through slippery, knotted undergrowth. Wind buffets
me like a playful elder brother. The relentless,
whipping rain: I catch my breath, my heart pumps madly.
Laughter! Never did it feel so good,
this body: so great to be alive in!

Poem and photographs by Maneesha 

This genie, however was a little different. He stated he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought, Ferret blurted out, “Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!”

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the sea turned into that hard-earned thirst quencher.

The genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Knackers looked disgustedly at Ferret whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment Knackers said, “Nice going Dickhead! Now we’re going to have to piss in the boat.”

Credit: Jeevan

Traffic Cop:  Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding.

Older woman:  Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop:  Can I see your license please?

Older woman:  Well, I would give it to you but I don’t have one.

Traffic Cop:  Don’t have one?

Older woman:  No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop:  I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older woman:  I can’t do that.

Traffic Cop:  Why not?

Older woman:  I stole this car.

Traffic Cop:  Stole it?

Older Woman:  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Traffic Cop:  You what!?

Older Woman:  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:  Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman:  Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman:  Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Officer 2:  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2:  Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman:  Yes, here are the registration papers.

The traffic cop is quite stunned.

Officer 2:  My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Officer 2:  Thank you ma’am, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older Woman:  Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.

Credit Mariam

“Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.”

“OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”

“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in…

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, “Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence!”

Credit Mariam

Earth: Thank You.

Me: How are you feeling?

Earth: Just like anyone who is half way through life.

Me: What do you make of the times we live in?

Earth: Sorry, remind me, which mutation are you again.

Me. A human being.

Earth: A what?

Me: I am one of seven billion Homo Sapiens.

Earth: Now I remember; sorry I have seen a lot of life forms come and go.

Me: So again, what do you think of the times we live in?

Earth: Pretty boring.

Me: Aren’t you scared of high fossil fuel prices?

Earth: No. I was around, when swamp land covered the earth for hundreds of millions of years. Wet and rotting vegetation under pressure created all fossil fuels. If it took hundreds of millions of years, to create something; I think your mutation is either not intelligent enough or arrogant, to believe you can deplete the work of millions of years in two hundred messily years. Can’t you guys divide?

Me: What about global warming?

Earth: What global warming?

Me: You warming up because we are burning fossil fuels.

Earth: I think you should be more worried about the next ice age. Every 20,000 years, since continental drift formed Panama, and changed ocean currents, there are new ones.

Me: So you don’t mind us burning fossil fuels?

Earth: Have at it. You can burn as much as you like. It isn’t going to make one iota of difference. Just make sure you tell your future inhabitants to buy real estate in Mexico. Glaciers will be tall enough to cover all of Manhattan’s sky scrappers and will cover most of America. 

Me: Most of America??

Earth: Yes. Trying picking up a book once in a while. Check out past glaciers on a map. You are living in the ice ages. You just happen to be living during a middle of one of them.

Me: What will your future look like?

Earth: Well as long as I have a molten mantle, continental drift will be my only form of entertainment. When there is no molten mantle, continental drift will end and I will be as dead as my friend Mars.

Me: What about us?

Earth: What about you?

Me: What do you think our future will look like?

Earth: Hard to say. I have seen life forms come and go. Ever heard about a Black Swan?

Me: The book?

Earth: No stupid. I am talking about cataclysmic events like a meteor hitting the earth every 100 million years ago. They are black swans. They are out there; you just don’t know when they will happen.

Me: Are you scared of a meteor hitting the earth?

Earth: No. I have been around 4.5 billion years. When the next meteor hits me, they destroy most species that thought they ‘were all that’. As for me, I enjoy the debris, covering me up in a blanket of dirt, and burying irritating mutations like you.

Me: Well thanks for talking to me, I guess.

Earth: The next time I will talk about your mutation is when someone digs up your bones. You will not be here then. But I will be.

by John Jazwiec