Newspaper Headlines in 2035

Jokes

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops and livestock Last remaining Fundamentalist dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon) George Z. Bush says

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops and livestock

Last remaining Fundamentalist dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon)

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss

Nursing home event… Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper

Texas executes last remaining citizen

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants

Baby conceived naturally…scientists stumped

Authentic year 2000 ‘chad’ sells at Sotheby’s for $4.6 million

Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes before installation is completed

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036

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