Humour — 28 April 2014

One day, St.Peter was at his desk outside the gates of heaven.

He looked up and saw three individuals approaching over the clouds, some distance apart from one another. When the first arrived, it was a man in a business suit.

St. Peter said, ‘Welcome to the gates of heaven. I have a short intake interview after which you can go in and see God.’

So St. Peter asked several questions and then, ‘One final question. How did you die?’

The man replied, ‘Well, I suspected my wife of having an affair so I came home from work early and rather than taking the elevator, I climbed the five flights of stairs to our floor. I put my ear to the door of our apartment and heard laughter. I banged on the door in a rage finally got my keys from my pocket and ran into the apartment shouting, “Where is he?!?” I ran into each bedroom and into the bathroom and the kitchen and finally onto the balcony. And there was the guy hanging from the floor of the balcony by his fingers.

‘So I ran back in the kitchen, grabbed a hammer from the tool drawer, ran back to the balcony and pounded on the guy’s fingers till he let go. But he fell into an awning outside the apartment below ours so I ran back into the kitchen and pushed the refrigerator out on the balcony and over the edge. It landed on the guy in the awning and they both fell to the ground. Then I had a heart attack and died.’

Wide eyed, his voice shaking, St. Peter said, ‘Okay. Okay. Go on in and see God and he’ll decide if you can stay.’

A few moments later, the second man arrived dressed in workman’s overalls. St. Peter, still a bit shaken, said, ‘Hello. Welcome to the gates of heaven. I have a few questions to ask then you can go and visit God.’ St. Peter asked his questions then, ‘One more question. H…how did you die?’

The fellow said, ‘Well, I was washing the outside of windows on the sixth floor of an apartment building when my scaffolding broke and I fell. I thought I was a goner but at the last moment, I grabbed the edge of the balcony one floor down. I was hanging on by my fingertips when this man burst onto the balcony, ran back inside, came back with a hammer and started smashing my fingers. I had to let go but I fell into an awning outside the apartment one floor down and I thought I was saved but the crazy guy with the hammer pushed a refrigerator off his balcony. It landed on me in the awning and I fell to my death.’

St. Peter was trembling. ‘Sweet Jesus! What a story! Just g…go inside now and visit God.’ And the man left.

Several seconds later, the third man, who was naked, came up to the desk.
‘H…h…hello,’ said St Peter. ‘I h…h…have a short interview then you can go see God.’ He asked his questions in a voice all a-quiver and finally came to the last. ‘One final question.’ St. Peter mopped his brow. ‘How did you die?’

The naked man said, ‘Well, I was in this refrigerator…’