Celebrating Togetherness

Kul Bhushan on the outdatedness of marriage per se.

A marriage is almost finished by the time the honeymoon is over. Especially an ‘arranged’ marriage such as in India that happened after the age, education, income, family and horoscope of both partners were matched and agreed upon. Both husband and wife now know what they have to live with for the rest of their lives. This marriage is a security: the registry office, the police, the court are all behind it. Where is love? It may come much later, if at all.

The love marriage starts with a romance, blossoms into love, flowers into passion and then life partnership in marriage. Many obstacles have to be overcome and it starts with great and wonderful hope of living happily ever after. Many times this never happens as both partners face the realities of their background and habits plus pressures of survival.

Then there is ‘live-in’. Two people like each other, fall in love and decide to live together without typing any bonds of marriage. Called live-in relationship, it is as good as marriage with freedom. If they want to separate, they face no hassles of divorce. However, courts have accepted it and consider it as good as marriage and award benefits if they want to live separately. It has been acknowledged as common-law marriage (sui juris marriage) in many countries.

No marriage existed before man became civilized. All three types of man-woman bonding have failed to some extent today. Osho declared that marriage is not natural and outdated for man; it is imposed by religion, society and the law. That all sounds very radical but making sense after looking at the social trends today with single mothers and casual relationships and live-ins.

Marriage is the ugliest institution invented by man…
Marriage is against nature.
You can be certain only of this moment that is in your hands.
All promises for tomorrow are lies –
and marriage is a promise for your whole life,
that you will remain together,
that you will love each other,
that you will respect each other till your last breath.

And these priests, who are the inventors of many ugly things,
say to you that marriages are made in heaven.
Nothing is made in heaven; there is no heaven.” (1)

So what is Osho’s vision of marriage?

“Marriage almost always never happens, because marriage means the celebration of togetherness. It is not a license. No registry office can give you marriage; no priest can give it to you as a gift. It is a tremendous revolution in the being, it is a great transformation in your very style of life, and it can happen only when you celebrate togetherness, when the other is no longer felt as the other, when you no longer feel yourself as I. When the two are not really two, a bridge has happened; they have become one in a certain sense. Physically they remain two, but as far as the innermost being is concerned, they have become one. They may be two poles of one existence but they are not two. A bridge exists. That bridge gives you glimpses of togetherness.” (2)

From arranged marriage to love marriage, from live-in to same sex marriage, it is a long way for social mores and acceptance. This is how society has evolved over the past century. We have come a long way. But we still have a long way to go. When Osho says marriage is outdated, he is looking much ahead. We are still catching up with his vision.

Anand Kul Bhushan

Quotes by Osho
(1) From the False to the Truth, Ch 15, Q 3 (excerpt)
(2) The Empty Boat, Chapter 7 (excerpt)

Photo Credit to Tripti