Rina writes about her experiences as a Manifestor and her inner journey with the help of Osho’s wisdom and Human Design; “It seems our cultural mindset is set out to improve, to fix, to move forward.”
Six years ago, I wrote a Human Design article entitled First Steps of an Emotional Manifestor. This was about how I was coming to terms with the information revealed in my Human Design bodygraph. Recently, when I re-read this article I was somewhat surprised what I had written back then. Unknowingly, I had taken the information about my design as some form of advanced astrology. I surely did not know that I was to step slowly but surely into a deep transformative inner journey. Looking back at these past years, I feel humbled by what I lived through and would like to share what Human Design has opened up for me.
The information that Human Design provides can be overwhelming at first. A few elements I do feel need to be mentioned as they are the bedrock of this system. As with astrology, the birth data provides the information that creates the bodygraph, a unique visual map that shows first of all which type we are.
We all are one of four possible types, each with its own specific auric field. Each type carries its main characteristic within the name of the type. For instance, for the Manifestor this is its natural ability to manifest and act independently. Furthermore, Human Design always provides two poles of transformation: strategy and inner authoritative correct decision-making as two anchors that support us in the process of coming to know oneself.
Human Design does not indicate who we are, rather it explains how each one of us can discover and explore the dynamics of how we are in relation to ourselves and others. The bodygraph can be seen as a multi-dimensional information map, truly unique and individual to each one of us. With the guidelines for each one of us individually, we are invited for an experiment. Only I can discover my design, see it in action and be in awe. It is the only way I can come to know my unique part within the bigger scheme of life.
The basic needs of each design are generally not acknowledged in childhood. Children lose their naturalness when parents and teachers don’t really know who they are. Manifestor children, for instance, are little explorers who require plenty of freedom and explanation when restricted. They feel interfered with, when this is not acknowledged, and eventually feel rejected and abandoned. As a result, they show troubled behaviour that creates difficulties for parents and becomes troublesome and estranged at school.
Due to their enclosed auric field, they live in an auric bubble and others experience them as somewhat unreachable. Their actions are likely considered insensitive, inappropriate and/or disconnected. The outcome is a conditioned, unaware Manifestor who has become secretive and unconscious of the impact.
Each type deals with its own general, conditioned specifics that can be recognised as one moves through this process.
I have been involved with Human Design for more than ten years now. In the beginning, I was mostly overwhelmed and viewed it with a mixture of interest and scepticism. The technical language was difficult to comprehend and also my English language skills were challenged. As time went on, I began to see that it opened many different windows of learning possibilities, for example, in the patterns in nature, cosmology, the human psyche, the mind, our conditioning, the influence of culture and society and the I-Ching. I was in awe and forever fascinated as it started to dawn on me that all this was relevant to how I viewed my own life. Yet, it was still a mystery as to how it related to me as an Emotional Manifestor.
Being a Manifestor I was told about the implications of my auric presence. To have an enclosed auric field felt initially as an offense. I felt hurt and was not ready to see why this was a painful issue. This only came when I started to see the relationship with the many implications I’ve had in past relationships, all the way back to the distance I’ve felt towards my own mother. Many puzzle pieces started to fall into place and over time I started to see and recognise what already the auric presence alone can clarify and remains to do so.
Almost all, Manifestors are misfits and are perceived as difficult to get along with, because we act unconsciously and create an impact that we are not aware of. Consequently, what comes in return is negativity feeding into a negative view of ourselves or the world or both. Over time, this vicious circle creates the internalized anger which is so hard to live with. Not just for me, also for those around me, as the anger energizes the impact. I had learned to accept life as a continuous struggle; my inner reality began to shift when eventually I understood that there was no one to blame. That’s when the wall of defence began to crumble.
There is a beautiful saying: ‘truth sets you free’ and exactly that is how it felt as I began to embrace the truth of what is at stake for the Manifestor. To have a clearer understanding about what it is to be incarnated as a Manifestor started to clear a lot of misconceptions about myself, in relation to myself and the other. It opened up, brought relaxation and continues to do so.
The originator of these teachings was Ra Uru Hu, born Robert Krakower. He always insisted on the fundamental practice of Strategy and Inner Authority. Inner Authority is unique for each one of us and relates to how healthy decisions are made. Strategy relates to what type you are. Although I knew from the beginning that my Strategy is ‘To Inform’, it really took time before I understood that Strategy is the ultimate key to one’s inner truth. To be able to live it, one needs to be present with what occurs and that is not always easy.
Despite all the revelations of my design, deep down I continued to hope that my life would improve and that I would experience some peace of mind. An undercurrent longing within for some more ease. Without realising it, I wanted a fix and that only came into full sight once my friend, Yogananda, started to point this out to me. He suggested to me that the whole western mindset is focused that way. It seems our cultural mindset is set out to improve, to fix, to move forward.
Human Design is, in its core praxis, not about this at all; it’s about re-connecting with whom we really are. Is Human Design so difficult to implement in our day-to-day life because we are drenched in the conditioned longing for improvement?
Recognising the cultural baggage and blind spots it creates was a huge eye-opener. Simultaneously, there is a sense of helplessness as my whole way of thinking is embedded in it. Human Design is definitely bringing me more in touch with the flow of life itself and its revelations become more and more alive as I live it. It has become obvious that Strategy is an essential aspect of the inner practice. More like an inner koan, a daily companion in life through which I observe the sheer contradictions of it all.
The moment I realised to be living a false persona as the identified me, is engraved in my memory. The unconscious self trying to fulfil all the lies I didn’t realise were lies I had internalised. Another engraved memory was while experiencing a deep physically-felt understanding about responsibility. I knew crystal clear: this is it, without any ifs and buts as there always will be internal talk and comments on everything that happens.
Theoretically, most of us know all this as a concept, yet to have a concept drop into your body as a reality is an inner turning point. To experience the intensity and subtlety of the false identified self is tough. You do discover though, that strategy and inner authority are the inner parameters you can trust upon once you slow down within yourself; to pause and wait, no matter what type, design or strategy you happen to have. It’s a form of intimacy and relaxation within oneself that allows one’s own inner intelligence to surface. It’s amazing how hard that really is despite knowing it to be the only way the mind will relax in the now.
I fell in love with Osho’s wisdom forty years ago and despite missing a lot of the significance he shared, the flame for truth inside was kindled forever. Serendipity of life brought Human Design into my life, deepening the process that was initiated so many years ago. I feel very fortunate to have fellow travellers in my life as dear companions sharing a similar journey, who support and ground me in my humanness. I have grasped now that it is about me, that I am here, and as valuable as you and you as me. To even touch these moments of deep peace, which I so longed for, is not something I am fond of sharing but it is the beauty of experiencing the truth of who we are. It’s possible for all of us.
“… Sleep is our common disease; we are born with this disease. It is so common, that’s why we don’t think about it at all as a disease; otherwise this is the greatest disease, according to all the awakened ones.
“Buddha’s suggestion is: Be conscious. Bring more consciousness to your inner being and also to your outer actions. He does not want you to create new desires – holy desires instead of unholy desires. He does not want you to become a saint as against being a sinner. He does not want you to substitute your mundane desires with sacred desires. He wants you to do something totally different, that is his great contribution to humanity: he wants you to become conscious. Out of consciousness a radical transformation happens: desires disappear and peace descends – the peace of desirelessness.”
Osho, The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 9, Ch 9
Rina (aka Punyo) grew up in the Netherlands and took sannyas in 1978. She spent many years in Osho’s Communes in Pune 1 (pottery and travel), Rajneeshpuram (Rajneesh Travel) and Pune 2 (Meditative Therapies, Multiversity, Books). After living 15 years in Germany, she now lives in Ireland. She is trained as a Human Design analyst and is available for readings. www.humandesignimpact.com