A letter from Guilherme.
Hi Punya, how are you?
It was in November last year that we talked and you asked me to talk a little more about me. It’s hard, I don’t know if I have a lot to say, so I’ll let my heart write for me, without a script.
I can start with the fact that I was watching Wild Wild Country again and I was crying again. It was an experiment that I don’t know if we will see again soon – a group of courageous and rebellious spirits ready for a change. Sometimes, feeling emotional, I ask myself, “Why was I not born at that time, Osho?” I really wanted to be a part of it, but I think I have a purpose to be born later.
My name is Guilherme, I’m 25 years old, I’m Brazilian and, recently, I sat down with my parents in a sincere and emotional conversation. I said with a lot of tears something that I’d kept inside for a long time: “I have a lot of hurt about you. You gave me everything materially, but you gave me nothing about my being.”
I then went for my independence and an attempt to live well with them – Osho is very important for this. As difficult as it is to forgive my parents, I felt that it was necessary to be well within myself.
Taking responsibility and total independence in my life has improved our relationship. At that specific meeting, I felt something significant. I saw my father’s figure collapsing – I felt that he became my friend. It was kind of scary and I felt insecure. But it was necessary.
I can’t imagine better parents. I think they were the ones I needed to support my path. I was a difficult child and teenager. They gave up on me a long time ago. Although they are still a little disappointed that I am different from everyone else, I feel their compassion.
And now I’m here, in the dark night of the soul. There are days when everything makes sense, love flows towards me and I share it with the world. And there are days when I am the worst person in the world – anger and negative feelings take me over. There are days when I dance for no reason and there are days when I feel bad about myself, unmotivated. There are days when meditation gives me glimpses of the beyond and there are days when the ego gives me darkness.
I don’t know what will happen to me. It seems that the whole world is against the awakening of people.* And in the middle of everything, music became a joy. Committed to being a musician, writing my music and poetry – even if it brings many inconveniences – reminds me that this is one of the factors that make me happy. This is what I want. Maybe I have something to say through my songs… Well, I hope so.
I have a lot of love for all of you and a lot of admiration for your courage. You have no idea how much the reports of sannyasins who lived with Osho helped me. Especially this one from Shivananda. It’s so beautiful: “So we went to a place that I knew before, a place that I really liked, on top of a cliff. A beautiful place with an oak. When I saw the sun setting so beautifully, I suddenly started crying, crying and crying. I felt that the guards, who were sitting next to me, could feel me and that they were a little ashamed at the same time .”
March 21, Osho’s day of enlightenment, I could feel him. The master of masters. No one will ever be like him, not even Lin Chi (that silly Zen master). Thank you Osho! Thank you Osho News! Thank you for existence!
*) While reading through my letter again I noticed that when I wrote it I was a little sad, but I wrote it with my heart. Now I feel much more meditative, loving, sensitive, creative and dancing, and would like to add the following quote by Osho from the book, Tao: The Pathless Path, Vol 1, Ch 14, Q 3 ”
“If you can start living totally, fully, not holding anything back, if you start flowing totally, your life will have a fragrance; that fragrance I call ‘religion’.”
Guilherme
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