Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven’t decided where to go for Christmas – The Living Room or the Bedroom.
Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
Home schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.
This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog… we laughed a lot.
So, after this quarantine… will the producers of “My 600 Pound Life” just find me or do I go find them?
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
Day 47 of home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
I’m so excited – it’s time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I’m tired of living in Los Livingroom.
Classified ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.