Satdeva / Peter Marquardt

Ruth, his beloved, writes:

I had been visiting Osho Tabaan in Hamburg since 2006 – and in 2013 I met Satdeva there. We decided to facilitate the Dynamic Meditation in the mornings and so we did for several months. It was a pleasant morning collaboration, a real good thing. We welcomed everyone, gave an introduction to newcomers, followed by one hour of meditation, a refreshing shower, and a cup of tea with a relaxed chat hour afterwards.

We became very close to each other, and one day Satdeva said he wanted to meet me in a nearby café. He said he had simply fallen in love with me… and as he said so, he also seemed a little surprised about it himself. I felt attracted by his emotional warmth, his generosity of any kind… his laughter. I just felt comfortable with him.

We were mutual soul openers – the way we got close to each other had a special quality to me – totally different, right at the beginning, from the normally psychotic ‘falling-in-love thing‘. Directness, authenticity and close connection – these terms define the relationship we had.

Satdeva was in his sixties and I was a late-fourty girl, living in a relationship which was in a bad condition. He told me to read the Sufi story of ‘Mojud: The man with the inexplicable life‘ – meaning: Be always ready for something new; don’t hesitate to jump into the unknown without any expectations. The following months were an emotional rollercoaster ride which ended with me moving into his little home south of Hamburg.

I wanted to start a freelance business as courier driver. And so we visited the used car markets and at the end we found a suitable red station wagon. He often accompanied me as my ‘good spirit’ who could appease policemen in case of parking offences or similar unpleasant situations.

We lived in an old workshop surrounded by a garden. Plants where Satdeva’s passion. In old Poona times he worked as a gardener in the ashram. Later he made flower arrangements in clubs and restaurants in Hamburg, lived in a big tent near the coast as a finca worker in La Gomera or built waterfalls in private gardens. He liked to buy new plant bulbs on the market; he planted bamboo trees…

Everything went well until he began to have problems using his mobile phone… the beginning of dementia. This was a shock – for him and for me. When he realized the consequences he first wanted to end his life. We both went through a lengthy and tough and very painful process – he had to move out to a retirement home, where I visited him daily. Until it was possible he came with me in the car while I made deliveries or stayed the weekends at home – it was a very long goodbye.

I had to learn to curb my impulsiveness and impatience in dealing with Satdeva’s condition. This was the task assigned to me. I decided to stay with him as much as I could, to be there to calm him down, to take him out for picnics in the botanical garden, for boat trips or for joining Nataraj meditation with other sannyasins in a big garden.

I managed to go through the corona nightmare with him, forced to accept prohibition of visits in 2020, wearing masks and being tested every time. But I was there. We celebrated the suppers – he was so happy about salads, cheese or other things I brought him, and I kissed him good night.

Despite the difficult circumstances, I was always able to be with Satdeva in the last days of his life; when he was taken to hospital with pneumonia, washing and massaging his feet at night, talking to him. Because of the pneumonia and breathing difficulties he could no longer speak; he breathed heavily getting oxygen through a tube or mask. I kissed him on the mouth and he reacted with his lips. Every time I left the room I told him that he could fly away if it was getting too exhausting for him.

I was sitting next to him on the phone when I saw that his breath suddenly slowed down… he breathed a few more times…

I was holding his hand in the moment of his death.

A good god or power was holding his hands over us. I am in peace.

Satdeva’s sea burial in the Baltic Sea at Travemünde took place on Friday, 6 May 2022.

Tributes

Thank you for this beautiful sharing of Satdeva’s living and dying… touched.
With love,
Bhaven🙏🌹

As the sun sets in northern Alabama, I am shedding a few tears after reading the Satdeva post for the second time today. This death thing is certainly a difficult thing to face, especially when it is preceded by the horrors of cancer or dementia. What a blessing for him to have Ruth as his beloved. Wow! I’m overwhelmed by the story!
Chintan

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