A Tantra meditation from Osho – described by Madhuri, with an accompanying poem

I learned this in the early 90’s, during the Tantra group in the School of Mysticism.

My experiments with it proved to be revelatory. Particularly once I was in a real Tantric partnership, from 2005-2012, in Missouri, I had the leisure to observe the effects of this simple, gracious practise: as a female, being gazed at but not touched for half an hour allowed my receptivity to relax and open. By the time the meditation was over and my partner and I lay down together, I’d lost my usual keyed-up Doing-ness, my rather freaked-out guard, my performance anxiety – and could simply be present – and, amazingly, widely receptive – to him. There is something absolutely marvellous about being gazed at in my femininity! And yet safe from invasion! To have time to just be, and feel my own nature, while the man is doing the looking.

In fact, my Tantra partner and I did this meditation – and others – for weeks before we ever joined sexually. I really wanted to do things differently with him, and not just go through the honeymoon/plateau/boredom/fight-and-break-up riff I’d known before. I recommend this, if you have the luxury of it – meditate before the honeymoon! A sort of stateliness and respect was in our relating, and remained there for the duration of our time together. There never was a tear-each-other’s-clothes-off sort of passion. Instead, a calm and deep joy bathed us.

But any stage of a relationship can benefit hugely by meditating together – beginning, middle, or the comfortable-old-bathrobe stage (which didn’t seem to exist in Poona, but out in the world it can).

Note

Some women have told me that they are insecure about their bodies and do not want them to be gazed at. I think you could try this technique with safe-feeling clothes on; or postpone it until you really felt like doing it, if ever. (There are plenty of other meditations to try!) If you trust your partner and want to experiment, you could do the meditation as described and simply observe your discomfort. But I’d only suggest trying that if you really wanted to, and both of you really felt ready. Tantra stirs up all kinds of stuff from our subconscious, which then we have to allow and process… and it’s great if both partners are on board for that. The man need not do or fix anything, but just hold space and be there…

The Theory

A man is naturally made to look at women – and a woman, to be looked at.

When you do this in a meditative way, with a time-frame around it, and no touching allowed, each partner has a chance to thoroughly experience their role. Whatever the mind offers, insinuates, demands, and all the other things that minds do – while you’re sitting there, observing or being observed – just watch it. This is a great opportunity to observe the stuff that goes on, without dispersing the energy, and distracting yourself, in ‘doing something’. Embarrassment? Desire? Plans? Memories? …Just let them march past. In allowing the mind to just do its thing, while you hold to the procedure, you have the space to settle deeper and deeper into your nature.

Note

Osho says that we must never, ever do the meditation the other way round! The woman should not gaze at the man!

A rather immature young man I was with long ago once insisted that we try it backwards! I have often said Yes to things I should not have, just because the other person wanted to! It’s called ‘being kind of spineless’! It’s a pitfall of my Human Design! Anyway, we did it and all I remember is that it was… kind of blah, and he did not get whatever buzz he was looking for!

(If you are in a same-sex relationship or any permutation thereof… I’d suggest seeing which partner experiences themselves as more female right then, and which more male, and then just do the technique accordingly. But I cannot say this from any experience of my own or anyone I know. You’d be a pioneer!)

The Method

Prepare the space: you’ll need a bed, pillows, candles, a chair, and soft, meditative music.

Make sure you have a free hour with no distractions. Turn off your phones, and for timing use an old-fashioned clock, which is visible to the man from where he sits. (Of course you can use a phone to time the sitting if you must, but it’s apt to be distracting. Plus, phones are crawling with germs, so you’d need to wash your hands before the getting-into-bed-with-your-partner stage. Women really don’t benefit from germy hands in their goddess-portal! This I can tell you from my own bitter experience! I’ll spare you the details!)

Clean the room well, and place candles wherever you’d like them. It’s good to have soft lighting, but enough of it to gaze by. A too-bright light will not be good as it could make the woman feel uncomfortably exposed.

Bow to each other in namaste: “I bow to the god in you.”

“I bow to the goddess in you.”

If you use Aura Soma, you might like to apply it now.

Normally for Tantra meditations I would suggest undressing each other piece by piece, but that’s up to you. The man will be most comfy ending up in just a bathrobe, and the woman, either nothing, or whatever she feels like wearing – a shawl, or a light gown.

The woman now positions herself at the head of the bed, with pillows behind her and supporting her anywhere she likes. She should be comfortable yet alert – I used to sit in half-lotus, well-cushioned at the back. If your knees don’t bend well any more, the legs can be stretched out. The point is to be in a meditation posture where you can be alert and yet at ease.

The man sits in a chair at the foot of the bed – this is close enough that he can see well, but far enough away to give the woman space, and to let her remain temporarily untouchable.

Man, note the time. You are going to be sitting for 30 minutes. The music, if it wasn’t going before, should start now.

Woman, close your eyes and go within.

Man, sit upright and gaze at her. Just gaze! Don’t do anything! Just watch your thoughts as they move. Let energy settle and move and do whatever, but you are just sitting and observing.

No talking from either! It’s all in silence.

After 30 minutes, the man gets up, turns off the music, takes off his bathrobe, and lies down with the woman.

Just let whatever happens, happen. If you make love, let it be as conscious as the meditation was. No need to go for a goal! Just float and be.

Before you go to sleep, or in the morning, or after a nap – whatever happens – share with each other how it was for you.

Thank your partner.

Gazing at the Goddess

When Miss Missouri received her crown,
she said,
“I am totally doing this for God!”
And she was right – Miss Goddess-Pie, you’re in his eye,
He’d kneel, and heel, and wheel, and steal
To gaze upon one half hour of your
Cushioned glow –
Or the riverine lit-hip flows
Of any of your billion sisters –
In Jimmy Choos or barefoot blisters –
The silver mooned musing of your heart unbound
Is food for God, who sits up a little straighter
And says, Look, look what I found!

Five thousand years ago
A meditator lived with his wife
In a thick-walled house
Under a sky blue as the hottest sea
Or raining like a washing machine.
He loved his beautiful-browed
Twinkle-ankled, darksome lily,
And he could not sit quietly
For ardent imaginings of her.

And so he gazed
While she sat nearby
And it was a kind land then,
So mangoes bobbed at windows,
And the floor did not need cleaning,
There was no Walmart clutter,
Just birds calling the background –
And so he gazed
With soft half-ingone watching

And did not rush to her –
Just gazed –

Until she calmed in his sights
Like a ship gone dormant
And her breasts did not torment him
And his warm loins walked North
Of their own accord
And transited to Tibet
Out the snowy crown of the world –
And daily gazed he,
And she was murmured
Into existence by the tiny pattings
Of his eyes’ hands
And settled she deeper
Small smiling like mangoes nodding
And they brought themselves home
Into Yin/Yang paradise, cool as evening
Without saying a word
And with two metres between them.

And even god was silenced
Looking at Miss Missouri;
And even he stayed back his hand.

Feb. ‘07, published in Dancing Leaves – illustration for Osho News by the author