Adolf Hitler is getting worried about his public image, as things aren’t going too well for Germany, so he decides to put on a disguise and go and talk with some ordinary Berlin residents. He meets this guy in the street and starts a conversation with him. Hitler then asks the guy “What do think
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? One. What did you expect you sexist pig! (or “No-one knows, it has never been done.”) How many gender equality ombudsmen do you need to change a light bulb? None. Let the cow wash up in the dark. (from Finland) How many Germans does it
A Belorussian says to the other, “After all that’s happening in the Crimea I will have to stop speaking Russian!” The other Belorussian says, “Why, are you scared that you will be attacked by Ukrainians if they hear you?” The first Belorussian replies, “No, but I am scared that the Russians may come to save
Knock, knock……..Who’s there? Amos…………….Amos who? Amosquito. Knock, knock……….Who’s there? Ann……………….Ann who? Ann other mosquito Knock, knock……….Who’s there? Helen……………..Helen who? Helen other mosquito! Knock, knock………..Who’s there? Shirley…………….Shirley who? Shirley, not another mosquito! Credit: comments to The Guardian
Doc checks out 88 year old Ole at his old folks home. “You’re fit as a fiddle, heart like a fifty year old. How are you feeling emotionally?” “Great! You know, Helga, at the end of the hall, and I are getting married next month.” “Wow! That’s fantastic. Er, uh, but I think I should
After Quasimodo’s death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a German were doing construction work on a scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
A famous quote by Meher Baba and used in a song by musician Bobby McFerrin used by mainstream media in the US.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life.
Q: Is Romance Dead? A: Never! The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their mobile phones. The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She sent the following
“Papa,” little Sammy asks his father. “What is the stockmarket?” “Oh, Sammy,” replies the father, “you are much too small to understand!” “I am not too small! I want to know, now!” Sammy protested. “Ach, wait a few years, then you will understand better.” “Papa, I don’t want to start life poor, like you, selling
An elderly couple is having problems remembering things, so they decide to go to their doctor for a checkup.
This should make you smile. You have to love little kids. The children began to identify the flavours by their colour: Red……………….Raspberry Yellow…………….Lemon Green……………..Lime Orange ……………Orange Finally the teacher gave them all ‘Honey’ lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. The teacher said, “I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realised he had made it
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It’s always dark before the dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you’re not getting any. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you
Mayzoon Zayid is an incredible courageous and beautiful women who not only overcame the problems living with cerebral palsy but transformed herself into a charming, witty and outstanding comedienne.
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.”
Outgoing Personality: Always going out of the office Great Presentation Skills: Able to bullshit Good Communication Skills: Spends lots of time on phone Average Employee: Not too bright Exceptionally Well Qualified: Made no major blunders yet Active Socially: Drinks a lot Family is Active Socially: Spouse drinks, too Independent Worker: Nobody knows what he/she does
Published in The Guardian / The Observer on December 29, 2013: Science is a very serious business, so what tickles a rational mind?
A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an “older” woman he met at a bar. She looked pretty darn hot for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he’d ever had a “sportsman’s double” – a mother and daughter threesome. He
SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. Drink unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another drink. Opposite wall
During the seventies, the media in Germany played around with the name ‘Bhagwan’ and called sannyasins the ‘Backwahn Sekte’.
Anncouncement The US government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government’s political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed.