Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette inherit the family farm
Louis C.K. is widely known as one of today’s most prolific comedians who has been invited to various famous US shows. Inspired by the work ethic of George Carlin, he has committed to dropping all of his existing material and starting over every year.
When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year old business I ran with 1,800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter.
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I’m so happy, because I live at number 71. So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And as its the same side of the street, I don’t even
A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco’s supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walking into the
Bert feared his wife Peg wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the emergency call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby… Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother
A friend hosted a dinner party for family far and wide and everyone was encouraged to bring all their children as well. All during the sit-down dinner one four-year-old girl stared at the uncle sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The uncle checked his tie, felt his face
An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who,nevertheless, started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said,”You Australian folk eat the whole bread?” The Australian frowned, annoyed
John Cleese, one of the most witty and intelligent British subjects ever having graced this planet, tells us how Europe is reacting to the latest crisis.
A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids… “Wow!” the social worker exclaims, “Are they all yours? “Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats. “Well,” says the social worker,
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s head office is situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.
There was a Japanese man who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. The Japanese tourist leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled: “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After a
The husband leans over and asks his wife, “Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.” “Yes,” she says, “I remember it well.” “OK,” he says, “How about taking a
So you’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Congressmen. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 2 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list. 3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Two little old ladies, Dorace & Jackie, were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.