A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.
The parrot doesn’t have any feet and only one wing.
The guy says aloud, “What happened to that poor bird?”
The parrot responds cheerily, “I was born this way.”
“Holy crap! You actually understood and answered me!”
“Just because I have no feet and only one wing doesn’t mean I’m stupid,” says the parrot.
The man is stunned.
Then he gathers himself enough to say “Tell me, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”
“Well,” says the parrot, “this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my pecker around the perch. You can’t see it because of my feathers.”
He continues, “You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion. I speak Spanish and English; I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I’m especially good at ornithology.”
The guy buys the parrot and takes him home.
Weeks pass. The guy is delighted with the bird who in addition to being highly articulate has a great sense of humor and is an insightful and sympathetic pal.
One day as the guy is coming in after a day of work the parrot hisses “Pssssssst!” and motions him over with his one wing.
“I don’t know if I should tell you this but…it’s about your wife and the postman.”
“What are you talking about?” says the guy.
“Well, it’s like this. When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black negligee.”
“What???”
“Yes. Then the postman came into the house and started kissing her passionately.”
“Oh God!” exclaims the man. “Then what?”
“Then she took his postman’s hat off and slid his mail bag off of his shoulder, and unbuttoned his shirt.”
“Yes? Yes? Then what happened?”
“Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.”
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