Since I have been able to trust more and more in existence, everything is going so easily, so softly, so beautifully.
I get everything I need, and even when something goes wrong, after a while I can see its sense. I feel so thankful that I can see that existence is always providing the right thing for me. It gives me so much trust. Would you please talk about it?
Prem Parijat, the phenomenon of trust has to be understood a little more clearly; then I can discuss your question.
First, trust has to be unconditional, not just that nature goes on fulfilling your needs, existence goes on giving you help, supports you…. What about if it doesn’t support you? What about if it creates hindrances on your path? Your trust will disappear. This trust is not very authentic.
And another thing to remember: the trust in existence can only be real if you trust in yourself, because you are the closest experience of existence. Otherwise, when things are going right you will trust; when things are not going right the trust will start disappearing. […]
When everything is going smoothly and beautifully, you can trust. But you are trusting somebody else – God, God’s only begotten son, any messenger of God, a prophet, a tirthankara or a Gautam Buddha, it does not matter. You are trusting somebody else and things can go wrong any moment. The basic trust has not to be in existence, it has to be within you.
is such a blessing,
such an ecstasy!
You should learn to become more conscious and alert to trust yourself. Do you trust yourself? If you trust yourself, that cannot be for any particular reason. That will be unconditional trust. And out of that unconditional trust will grow many branches: you will become a huge tree with great foliage. You will trust love, you will trust the truth, you will trust godliness, you will trust beauty; you will simply trust because your heart is full of trust and there is not even a shadow of distrust. Even if you want to distrust, you cannot.
Only when you cannot distrust, even if you want, have you come to the very center of your being, from where arises the trust in existence, in life, in people, in trees.
And that is not because of any conditions; trust itself is such a blessing, in itself such an ecstasy! Once you have tasted it within yourself you would like to taste it in the whole cosmos. If it is so great just within you, how much greater it will be when you trust everything. It does not depend on any condition to be fulfilled.
You say, “Since I have been able to trust more and more in existence…” How do you manage to trust more and more in existence? On what grounds? The existence gives you birth, which is a pain; the existence gives you life, which is nothing but misery; the existence gives you hopes which are never fulfilled; the existence gives you promises and the goods are never delivered; and finally the existence makes you old, and then one step more – Ronald Reagan’s step forward – and you are finished.
Love is another
dimension of trust.
What has been able to create in you more and more trust in existence? And remember there are things which either you have or you don’t have; you cannot have them more or less.
Love is another dimension of trust. Have you ever thought about it? People go on saying, “I love you more and more.” But love does not know any quantities; it is a quality, you cannot measure it less or more – one kilo or two kilos or three kilos. It is good that people don’t use that: “I love you two kilos, and it is growing. Don’t be worried, soon you will see I will be loving you three kilos.”
It is not a quantity, it is not part of the world of quantities, it is not matter that it can be measured into more or less. Trust is the highest fragrance of love. You cannot say, “I have been able to trust more and more.” You are saying it because existence – perhaps just by coincidence – has been of great support to you, or perhaps you are imaginative enough that whatever existence brings to you, you start imagining, “This is what I always wanted.”
In either case it is not trust, so first I would like you to see that trust is not a quantity, but a quality. Either you have it in total or you don’t have it in total; either it is nil or it is one hundred percent. You cannot divide it in slices; it is indivisibly one, organically one.
But I can understand why you say “more and more” – because every day you find everything is going so easily. But everything is not going so easily in Ethiopia. Everything is not going so easily for the millions of poor on the earth. Everything is not going so easily for the millions who are sick and ill and just on the waiting list of death.
What is going easily? You cannot find a more insane world than that which surrounds you. There are millions of people behind bars in the jails; things are not going easy for them. And there are millions of people who cannot manage even a single meal in a day; things are not going easy for them. And don’t be so egocentric as to say that if they are going easy for you then you can trust existence.
What about the whole world? How many people are committing suicide? How many people are murdering each other? How many people are insane? Things are not going easy for them. If that is your criterion of trust, soon it will disappear. A small accident, a car crash and things are no more going easy.
You say, “Everything is going so easily, so softly, so beautifully.” It is good, but don’t depend on this. What is beautiful today may become ugly tomorrow, and what is smooth today may become very tough tomorrow, and what is so soft may become the greatest hindrance. One never knows about tomorrow.
Rather than focusing your eyes on the trust in existence, first find your center, because that is the only guarantee that the trust in existence will be unconditional; whatever happens, there is not going to be any change in your trust.
You are saying, “I get everything I need. And even when something goes wrong, after a while I can see its sense. I feel so thankful that I can see that existence is always providing the right thing for me. It gives me so much trust. Would you please talk about it?”
Prem Parijat, you are living in an illusion. You don’t mention any trust in yourself, and a man who has not experienced it in his own being can only imagine. And you have tremendous capacity of imagination: if things are going good, naturally anybody howsoever stupid will trust. When things go wrong your trust must be wavering a little, but you wait – perhaps finally, in the end, what looked wrong is not wrong. Then again the trust settles more deeply. But this trust is not going to transform your being, because this is a secondary trust, it is not the primary trust.
You are making a castle of sand. Everything is going right, the castle is coming up and you trust in existence that no disturbance… But you never know! Just a strong wind may disturb your castle, destroy it, or just a small child out of joy may come and jump on your castle and it will be finished. There are a thousand and one possibilities of the castle being destroyed. Perhaps you will console yourself that “there must be something good for me in the destruction of the castle. Perhaps it is time to go back home. I’m feeling so hungry; that’s why existence destroyed the castle. Go back home and eat something. Existence is taking so much care….”
Belief is a fake trust.
In this sense your trust is not very trustworthy. It may give you a few beautiful moments, but they are like a dream. I would like you to have a trust so solid that whatever changes it will remain with you without any change. But the beginning has to be from within. From within you can reach to the without, but not vice versa.
It is good that you have been thinking of trust. It is good that trust – the very idea has been surrounding your mind and its atmosphere. Don’t feel hurt if I say to you that this is the time you should turn your trust, the arrow towards yourself. Do you trust in yourself? And you are the closest to existence; existence penetrates you to your very being.
You should begin from ABC, not from somewhere in the middle or somewhere at the end. You are beginning almost at the end, XYZ. This is not a right way of progression; there is danger because the whole alphabet is missing. Start from ABC and let it grow spontaneously to XYZ. It will grow, it certainly grows. Your being is an immense potential of growth. Start from the being.
You may have the perception that existence is not against; it is simply trying to clean all the crap that has gathered into human mind, human beings, so much that it has to be taken out.
But to have that perception you need a trust in yourself. And how will you find this trust? It is not a belief; it is not just a Christian sermon from any stupid missionary who knows nothing about religion at all, but has crammed beautiful phrases from the Bible and is telling you things which have created all the troubles in the world. More people have been killed by religious wars than by political wars. In the name of God, in the name of religion there have been so many crusades, jihads, religious wars, that one cannot believe that these people are going to bring a better humanity, a loving earth.
If you have the perceptivity that arises out of trust within yourself, it is not a belief. The Christian missionary and all other missionaries of other religions only create belief. Belief is a fake trust; trust cannot be created in you by anyone.
You will have to dig deep through meditation to find the pure waters of trust within your being. It is going to be your own work on yourself. It is going to be your own creative exploration, adventure. Yes, Buddhas can show you the path, but they cannot help you in any other way. I can tell you about meditations, but I cannot do meditations for you. Except through meditation you will not be able to find trust in yourself.
And the day of finding the trust in yourself is the greatest day in your eternal life. It changes all the vision, all perception, all judgment about existence and about other people. The trust goes on growing and spreading all around you. Only then will you have unconditional trust in existence.
Prem Parijat, you are groping for the right thing, but in the wrong direction. Change your direction: grope within. You will find it. If your longing and your thirst are strong enough, there is no reason why you cannot find it. It is just there within your being, not far away.
You don’t have to climb Everest; you have just to settle into your own center, unwavering, undistracted, in utter silence and peace, and the trust will grow out of it without any of your effort. Only that trust is trustworthy. Then no changes in the world, no changes in people are going to make even a dent in your trust; otherwise just a small thing and all your so-called believing, trusting disappears.
Never start from the secondary; always remember as a fundamental rule to start from the primary. And the primary reality and existence is you.
Hidden within you is satyam, shivam, sundram – the truth, the godliness and the utter beauty of it. That is the seed; take care of it, and you will soon have a vast tree arising in you, spreading its branches in all directions with millions of flowers.
But the beginning is you, and unless you begin right from the interior of your being, all your beginnings are wrong.
Osho, Satyam Shivam Sundram, Ch 21, Q 2 (excerpt)
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