Humour — 07 January 2018

Rodney fancies a pizza and calls the pizza joint around the corner.

“Hello! Vinnie’s pizza?”

“No sir, it’s Google’s pizza.”

“So it’s a wrong number? Sorry…”

“No sir, Google bought it.”

“OK. Take my order please.”

“Well sir, you want the usual?”

“The usual? You know me?”

“According to our caller ID data sheet, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, and thick crust.”

“All right! That’s the one…”

“May I suggest for you this time to have ricotta and arugula with sun-dried tomatoes?”

“What? No! I hate vegetables!”

“Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”

“How do you know?”

“We crossed the number of your fixed line with your name, through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”

“Okay, but I do not want this pizza! I already take medicine…”

“Excuse me, but you have not taken the medicine regularly. I can see from our commercial database that 4 months ago you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at Drugsale Network.”

“I bought more from another drugstore.”

“It’s not showing on your credit card statement.”

“I paid in cash.”

“But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.”

“I have another source of cash.”

“This is not showing as per you last Tax declaration, unless you bought them from an undeclared income source.”

“What the hell?”

“I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.”

“Enough! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp! I’m going to move to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone line and no one to watch me or spy on me!”

“I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first as it has expired 5 weeks ago.”