Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.
After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands – that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
Every few days I try on my jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder.
I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a six-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
I overheard two of my elderly neighbours bragging about their precious darlings. One of them said to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch.
I finished Netflix today.
Another long day at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
Credit fatherly.com
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