Some oldies – but goodies

Jokes

…on marriage and death

lightning

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.

Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?’

Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’

 

A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where did my intelligence come from?’

The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, ’cause I still have mine.’

 

A doctor examining a woman, who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’

‘Me neither, doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

 

An old man goes to the local wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’

The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife.’

 

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four-letter word the doctor used in surgery,’ he answered.

‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.

‘Oops!’

 

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.

 

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.’

 

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

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