Humour — 01 October 2010

They’re back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the bloopers)  actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church  services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes  meals.

The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’
The sermon  tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale… It’s a chance to get  rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your  husbands.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile  at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much  about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help..

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’  giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a  nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all  the help they can get.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in  the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school  days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What  Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be  recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the  deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super  entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park  across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to  sin.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please  use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in  the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend  this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian  Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan  last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up  Yours.