A disgruntled Earth speaks up on its birthday
Me: Happy Birthday.
Earth: Thank You.
Me: How are you feeling?
Earth: Just like anyone who is half way through life.
Me: What do you make of the times we live in?
Earth: Sorry, remind me, which mutation are you again.
Me. A human being.
Earth: A what?
Me: I am one of seven billion Homo Sapiens.
Earth: Now I remember; sorry I have seen a lot of life forms come and go.
Me: So again, what do you think of the times we live in?
Earth: Pretty boring.
Me: Aren’t you scared of high fossil fuel prices?
Earth: No. I was around, when swamp land covered the earth for hundreds of millions of years. Wet and rotting vegetation under pressure created all fossil fuels. If it took hundreds of millions of years, to create something; I think your mutation is either not intelligent enough or arrogant, to believe you can deplete the work of millions of years in two hundred messily years. Can’t you guys divide?
Me: What about global warming?
Earth: What global warming?
Me: You warming up because we are burning fossil fuels.
Earth: I think you should be more worried about the next ice age. Every 20,000 years, since continental drift formed Panama, and changed ocean currents, there are new ones.
Me: So you don’t mind us burning fossil fuels?
Earth: Have at it. You can burn as much as you like. It isn’t going to make one iota of difference. Just make sure you tell your future inhabitants to buy real estate in Mexico. Glaciers will be tall enough to cover all of Manhattan’s sky scrappers and will cover most of America.
Me: Most of America??
Earth: Yes. Trying picking up a book once in a while. Check out past glaciers on a map. You are living in the ice ages. You just happen to be living during a middle of one of them.
Me: What will your future look like?
Earth: Well as long as I have a molten mantle, continental drift will be my only form of entertainment. When there is no molten mantle, continental drift will end and I will be as dead as my friend Mars.
Me: What about us?
Earth: What about you?
Me: What do you think our future will look like?
Earth: Hard to say. I have seen life forms come and go. Ever heard about a Black Swan?
Me: The book?
Earth: No stupid. I am talking about cataclysmic events like a meteor hitting the earth every 100 million years ago. They are black swans. They are out there; you just don’t know when they will happen.
Me: Are you scared of a meteor hitting the earth?
Earth: No. I have been around 4.5 billion years. When the next meteor hits me, they destroy most species that thought they ‘were all that’. As for me, I enjoy the debris, covering me up in a blanket of dirt, and burying irritating mutations like you.
Me: Well thanks for talking to me, I guess.
Earth: The next time I will talk about your mutation is when someone digs up your bones. You will not be here then. But I will be.
by John Jazwiec
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