It had been snowing all night and when I woke up, the snow had piled up all over the driveway and in front of the house.
I got out of bed and the following happened:
8:00 – I made a snowman.
8:10 – A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 – So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 – My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 – The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 – The transgender ma..wom…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 – The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 – I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 – The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.
8:40 – The Police arrive, saying someone has been offended.
8:42 – The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 – The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 – The TV news crew from ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow women? I reply, ‘Snowballs’ and am now called a sexist.
9:00 – I’m on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 – I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.
9:29 – Far-left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded.
Will I ever make a snowman again? Take a wild guess…