From Avikal’s collection, Coming Home – note no. 11
A few days ago, I finished leading a three-day retreat, where participants ask and answer the koan ‘Tell me who is in’ or ‘Tell me who you are’ for many hours a day.
I still do not know what blessing led me to receive the gift of leading these retreats. It is such an honor.
People come for various unforseen reasons: some are going through a particularly difficult phase in their lives, some are in a troubled relationship, some want to meditate, and some want to become enlightened but don’t know which path to take.
Whatever their incidental motivations, they all have certain things in common.
- A vague sense of being far from home and the longing to return there,
- The perception that life is more than mere survival, and the frustration of not knowing how to break free from the vicious circle of survival,
- Having touched, even if only for a moment, the mystery of their own Being,
- The fear of leaving the familiar behind, and the thrill of leaping into the unknown.
I watch their faces and the posture of their bodies; I catch the scent of fear and passion; I feel the presence of the divine pushing to be recognized by their very own eyes; I recognize my own story in their words.
When each person, in their own way, ventures onto the winding path of their quest and passes through the layers of the mind – its resistances and prejudices, its unshakable beliefs… – little by little, an essential door begins to reveal itself: that door is called ‘I don’t know’.
I don’t know who I am, I don’t know why I am here or what this life is. I don’t know where I am going or if I am going anywhere at all. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.
When these blessed words begin to be whispered, shouted or wept, the collective mind starts to dissolve and the contract of mediocrity starts to break. Someone has taken the first step into the unknown!
The arrogance of the mind that ‘knows’, that claims to control existence through knowledge, is allowed to fall away; the veil of falsehood is lifted, and timidly, the right to the present as mystery and sole reality asserts itself.
‘I Don’t Know’ are the words of the soul, of its simple innocence, of the present rediscovered and recognized, of the pleasure of being rather than becoming.
Translated from Italian by Osho News
Tornando a casa
Frammenti del già e sempre
by Avikal Costantino
ilmiolibro self publishing, 2019, 52 pages
ISBN-10: 8892359398
ISBN-13: 978-8892359390
lafeltrinelli.it – amazon.it
Related articles
- “Boh?” by Upchara
- “Not knowing is the most intimate.” – an excerpt from a discourse by Osho
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