Part 4 of Avikal’s series of notes
As I wrote earlier, during the past few months I have been deep-diving into the Great Doubt. Questioning everything. Have I been wasting my life? Was it worth it, being on the spiritual path? Have I learnt anything really? What about my relating, loving, functioning in daily life? What about my heart? Being a sannyasin? What about Osho? And much more…
I am at ease with questioning. I do not really have a choice, I just witness as the questions arise. I let everything unfold and, most of the time, I am in wonder. And then in ecstasy and then in panic and then falling into the abyss and then flying and laughing and stunned, and…
In spring 2010, I went to Cascina Cavalta in Northern Italy for the first time. I was invited by my friend @Ramdas to see the place, and to hold an afternoon meeting with the participants of the group Dimensions of Being that I was facilitating at Osho Campus.
That afternoon, for the first time, I heard myself use the word SUBMISSION. Feeling the internal surprise in doing so, and even feeling compelled to do so, I heard the gasps of the people receiving it, and saw their resistance – and felt it in my body/mind.
Again, I had no choice. Something bigger than me was unfolding, in spite of myself, using my voice and presence.
A completely unknown path was opening in front of me, and I had to communicate it.
For many years I thought that submission was the way to surrender.
Now I know that surrender is the way to submission.
My experience and understanding of submission: the embodied direct experience that there is nobody inside, there never was any separation and there is nothing I can do. The realization of Suchness.
So, now I know that I AM is the way to JUST THIS.
Now I know and deeply feel that I is YOU and US, all of US.
And the Great Doubt keeps unfolding.
Featured image: photo by the author
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