Henry Kissinger

Satire / Comedy

Osho jokes about Henry Kissinger and Richard Nixon.

In July 1974, President Nixon was in the Soviet Union, hoping to achieve a nonaggression pact between that country and the United States, but he was having a hard time of it.

“Before we sign,” declared Prime Minister Brezhnev, “you Americans will have to announce to the world that Adam and Eve were communists.”

Nixon, uncertain as to how he should cope with this dilemma, decided to consult an authority on Genesis – in this case, Henry J. Kissinger – who assured him that he had read several pages of the Bible in his younger days.

Kissinger retired to his study, pored over the Old Testament and the text. Next day he told Nixon to go ahead and sign the pact with the Soviet Union. “The Russians are right,” he said, “Adam and Eve were indeed communists. After all, they did not have a stitch on their backs, they had nothing to eat but apples, and they still thought they were in paradise!”

Osho, The Dhammapada: The Way of the Buddha, Vol 9, Ch 10, Q 2


Richard Nixon was suspicious of some of the politicians surrounding him, thinking there was a conspiracy developing against him.

So he gathered together his closest aides and they went to a small village somewhere in the Alps to investigate the problem.

On the second morning Nixon opened the blinds to his bedroom window, and there in the snow someone had pissed: “Nixon is an asshole.” Disturbed by this, Nixon set his smartest forensic scientists to work to find the culprit.

After forty-eight hours they reported back to him.’We have bad news,” they said. “We’ve analyzed the urine and found that it came from Henry Kissinger.”

“Oh no!” said Nixon.

“But there is even worse news to come, sir. We’ve also discovered it is Mrs Nixon’s handwriting!”


Richard Nixon, Henry Kissinger, a Catholic priest and a hippie were riding in a small airplane when the landing gear fell off.

The panic-stricken pilot rushed out of the cockpit. “I’m sorry, boys, this plane’s not going to make it. There are only four parachutes and as I’m the captain I get one.”

He grabbed a parachute and jumped out.

Richard Nixon stood up and said, “I’m the President; the nation needs me — sorry, gentlemen….” He grabbed a parachute and jumped.

Henry Kissinger jumped up shouting, “I’m the smartest man in the world! The world cannot afford such a sacrifice!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped out.

The priest spoke next: “My son, you are still young – you take the last one!”

“Don’t worry, father,” the hippie said. “There is a parachute for each of us – ‘the smartest man in the world’ just grabbed my backpack and jumped with it!”

Osho, Walking in Zen, Sitting in Zen, Ch 12, Q 8

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