A selection gathered from the comments in a Guardian article.


What do a tight pair of trousers and a cheap hotel have in common?
No ballroom.


What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
They both have the same middle name.


What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpee?
I wouldn’t pay £100 to have a lentil on my face.


What’s made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?


What did the traffic light say to the car?
“Don’t look, I’m changing!”


Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
It was outstanding in its field.


Why was the cross-eyed teacher fired?
Because he could not control his pupils.


What’s the difference between jumping your motorcycle across the Grand Canyon and a porn starlet?
We’ll, one’s a cunning stunt and the other…


What is the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
You can mash potatoes, but you can’t….


Who calls the priest “uncle”?
His sons – everyone else calls him “father”!


How do you make holy water?
You take ordinary water and burn the hell out of it.


How does a woman scare a gynaecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist!


What do you get if you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?
A man who stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.


from The Guardian comments

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