Tanmayo comments on the title track of her newest album.
There is a magical moment when suddenly inspiration comes. I grab for a pencil, scrabble together some paper, sit down at the keyboard, and then, what seems like some rushed scribbles on a scrap of paper later…. It’s there!
I’m not even sure how it appeared. Was I out of time? What just happened? I was there, but not there, an exhilarating feeling, like a sweet wind just blew through my soul.
And there…a new song is born.
Then starts the journey of creation – of recording, perfecting, smoothing, mixing – and I’m lost in the details.
And yet, once it’s all complete, the piece is reborn. And I listen once more with fresh ears…and find myself amazed. Like all the songs that come knocking at my door, this too contains a blueprint for my life. In fact, it seems to be exactly the message I need right now if only I was able to really listen.
And so it is with the title track of my new CD, Lost and Found.
Actually, the title appeared out of the blue one day and in that moment I knew that whenever or however, this would be the name of my next album. At that time I had no idea the direction the music – or my life – would take. It was a time of my life when I felt more lost than found… I had been searching for so many years, yet felt I had lost my way.
I was praying to Osho each night, “Please help me!” burning in a feeling of ‘not-knowing’, struggling with the lostness in my own soul. And around that time, this song appeared, just like that, just out of nowhere.
I thought it was over, the journey was through
I felt I had lost my way, ‘til I met you
I had struggled, going around and around
Without ever knowing, that I’d have to be lost to be found
I could not go further, I could not see clear
Lost in shadows, til you came near
And then in an instant, my life turned around
Cos there in your presence, I was lost and was found
You came into my life, you picked me up and led me inwards
You showed me how to stand, and brought me back to where I started
You looked into my soul, the deepest part of me
You showered me in love and taught me how to be
They say that the Master’s compassion is so,
He is waiting… for his flowers to grow
And when they are opening, he beckons them near
And whispers those secrets, they’ve been waiting to hear.
Now I’m lost yet in wonder, I’m drowning in grace
Path’s disappearing, with each glimpse of your face
I look back in wonder, how life turned around
For heart is now longing, to be lost and be found
In your silence I’m drowning, yet there’s nothing to fear
Lost in wonder, now you are near
And I bow to the mystery, upon this sacred ground
For here in your presence, I am lost and am found… in You.
As I write, I am once again facing a period of ‚unknown’, a gap and questions, inner and out. Once again I find myself vulnerable to the currents of life – a leaf blown hither and thither in the wind. And as I read these final verses I feel as though Osho is whispering to me once more,
“Tanmayo, there is only one way, drown, get lost, so utterly lost that you cannot help but be found.”
My name Tanmayo means ‘drunk and dissolving’. And for me, music is all about just this:
It’s about disappearing.
It’s about being so possesed by the sound, by the energy, by Osho’s mystery while playing…
that, if one is lucky… maybe magic happens.
It’s about crying from the heart… crying out the longing to be dissolved in his love.
It’s about silent fire, passion, joy, tears and letting go.
It’s about being drunk with the divine.
Read Madhuri’s review: New CD – Lost and Found
Tanmayo grew up in the north of Scotland and started to learn classical violin and piano when she was 7. In her early twenties she dropped her classical studies completely and instead, immersed herself in the Celtic music traditions. Around this time she also discovered she could sing. She came to Pune in 1994 where she took sannyas. Whenever she was there she played in Buddha Hall for the White Robe meditations and Music Groups, together with musicians like Prem Joshua, Manish Vyas, Bindu, Nivedano and Chinmaya Dunster. She now lives in Cologne, Germany with her musician partner, Prem Parijat. Lost and Found is her 3rd CD. www.tanmayomusic.com