From recently declassified documents it has emerged that during the Bush presidency a public school teacher had been arrested trying to board a flight at JFK.
It was disclosed that the reason for the arrest had been that the teacher was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a press conference, the Attorney General said he believed the man to be a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He had been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, ” the AG said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.”
He added that “They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle.'”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said at the time, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
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