A story told in oneliners.
1. Gotta poop, gotta poop, gotta poop, ugh.
2. I’m going to have to use the public bathroom, this can’t wait until I’m home.
3. Ah yes, it’s empty in here!
5. Ew, this seat is gross.
6. Of course there aren’t any seat protectors.
7. TP it is.
8. Okay, just go as if you were home.
9. You can do this.
11. Was that the door?
12. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiii- there’s someone else in here now.
13. But I gotta go!
16. Okay, be cool.
17. I’m gonna just rattle the toilet paper dispenser a bit.
18. This method usually works but this one is stealth quiet plastic.
19. Ughhhhh what do I do to mask the sound?
20. Too late.
21. Shoot, I wonder if they heard the plop.
22. Ahhhhh this is the worst.
23. Just wait for them to flush and you can let it all out.
24. Be patient.
25. Deep breath.
26. Ugh why haven’t they even peed yet?
27. Omg is this a poop stalemate?
29. HOLD IT IN.
30. Ugh, well holding it in didn’t work.
31. I wonder if they can hear.
32. This is so awkward.
33. What are they doing?
34. If they’re pooping they are stealth as shit.
36. Hmm, I’m not sure if this next movement is going to be solid or gas.
37. Oh god it could be both.
38. This is so stressful.
39. I feel exposed.
40. And shamed.
41. And bloated.
42. Okay, wiggle around a little.
43. Maneuver it out stealthily.
44. OMG WHY AM I SO LOUD?!
45. I have no idea what this person is doing but they are taking forever.
46. Maybe I’ll play a game on my phone while I wait for them to leave.
47. Yes, that will take my mind off of it.
48. Ugh, my battery life can’t afford a game right now.
50. I’ll make up my own game.
51. Oohhh stall graffiti!
52. Why would you write your number on a stall door?
53. “Justin Bieber, marry me.”
55. I mean he’s probably not going to see this, hate to break it to you, whoever you are.
56. Oh god, distractions are not working.
57. I havvvvve to go now.
58. I’ve only heard minimal activity in the other stall and I’m just going to have to do me and forget about them.
59. I’m gonna put a pile of paper in the toilet to soften the blow.
60. Fuck conservation!
61. I’m sooooo clever.
62. Alright half a roll should be enough.
63. Let’s do this.
64. You’re never even going to see this person ever in your life so just let it go.
65. Let it goooooo, let it goooooo. ?
66. Ooooh, I’m going to watch Frozen later.
68. Make this quick and then get out of here.
69. Maybe if I lift my legs a bit it’ll be quieter?
71. If I lean forward it’ll all hit the rolled up paper.
73. Alright, maybe I’ll squat a little off the seat.
75. Okay, that didn’t go quite as planned.
76. This person isn’t seeming to notice though.
77. They might be dead, they are so quiet.
78. Oh my god, what if they’re dead?
79. They’re not dead, stop.
80. Focus on the task at hand.
81. Almost done, I think.
82. Scratch that, there’s more.
83. Why is this so never-ending?
84. Apparently I’ll just be stuck here all day.
85. That was a little bit louder than necessary, but I think we’re out of the woods.
86. “Are we out of the woods yet, are we out of the woods yet?” ?
87. Omg stop singing and get out of here.
88. That flush was unnecessarily loud.
89. Okay, just gonna wash my hands now.
91. THEY LIVE.
92. AND THEY’RE POOPING.
94. Hurry, hurry, hurry.
95. Avoid confrontation at all costs.
96. AH THEY FLUSHED, TOO.
97. Damn that was quick!
98. Cut hand washing short.
99. ABORT MISSION.
101. Pooping in public is the damn worst.
Illustrations Osho News