In a Hindi discourse, Osho answers a question by the late Om Prakash Saraswati after listening to the first discourse on the Gita of Ashtavakra: “These words are of the sky. These words come from the homeland, come from that from which source we all come, the source to which we must return.”
while listening to the discourse yesterday, I felt I was not of this earth, but was a small particle of light in the free and infinite sky. After discourse, an experience of lightness and aloneness continued and I wanted to keep wandering in this sky. I do not know what knowledge, karma, and devotion are, but in aloneness I wish to remain immersed in this state. Still, the feeling sometimes arises that this may be madness, that this may be a trick of the ego. Kindly shed light on my path.
We are on this earth, but in fact we cannot be on this earth, and we are not. We feel it: we are strangers to this earth. We have made a home in our body, but our body is not our home.
It is as if someone settles abroad and forgets his homeland. Suddenly in the market one day he meets someone who reminds him of home, who speaks his own language. For a moment the foreign country will vanish and his homeland will be present.
This is the significance of scriptures.
This is the real purpose of the words of the masters.
After listening to them, for a moment we are no longer here. We go where we belong. We flow in their music. The situations which had completely involved us vanish, and that which was very far away comes near.
Ashtavakra’s words are absolutely unique. Hearing them, it will happen again and again: again and again you will feel you are not on this earth but have become part of the sky – because these words are of the sky. These words come from the homeland, come from that from which source we all come, the source to which we must return. Without going back to it we will never find peace.
Where we are is like an inn, not a home. No matter how much we may insist it is a home, still an inn remains an inn. Try to explain it away, to forget it; it makes no difference. The thorn goes on pricking us, the memory keeps on coming. And sometime, if we happen to encounter such a truth that pulls us, and like a magnet would show us another world, then we feel we are not part of this earth.
It is good: “While listening to the discourse yesterday, I felt that I was not of this earth.” There is no one who is of this earth. We appear to be of it, we feel as if we are: in reality we exist in the sky. Our nature is of the sky.
Being means the inner sky.
Body means the earth, the body is made of earth. You are made of sky.
These two have met within you.
You are the horizon where the earth seems to be meeting the sky. But has it ever met it? Far away the horizon appears – sky touching earth. Start walking towards it, expecting to reach it in a minute or two. Continue walking for life after life – you will never reach a place where the sky touches the earth. It is only a mirage. It always appears that you can touch it a little further on, just a little further.
The horizon does not exist, it only appears to. It is the same inside us as with the outer horizon. Inside no contact ever happens either. How will being touch body? How will the mortal meet the immortal? Milk mixes with water – both are of the earth. But how will being merge with body? Their basic quality is different. However near they come, they cannot touch. They may be forever near, still they cannot touch, they cannot meet. It is only our assumption, our concept – the horizon exists only as our idea.
If you allow Ashtavakra’s statements to penetrate your heart like arrows, they will awaken and remind you. They will arouse that long forgotten memory. For a moment the sky will open, the clouds will break, and your life will be filled with sunlight.
It may be difficult: the experience goes against our whole way of life. It will cause discomfort. And you did not disperse the clouds within, they were dispersed by the words of a master – the clouds will gather again. Before you reach home, again the clouds will surround you. You won’t drop your habits so quickly. Again the clouds will gather, and you will be more uneasy. You will doubt. Was it not a dream that you saw? Was it not some kind of projection? Was it not a trick of the ego, of the mind? Perhaps you fell into a kind of madness?
Naturally, the weight of your habits is heavy, very old. Darkness is ancient – it doesn’t exist, still it is ancient. Whenever rays of sunlight burst in, they are fresh – absolutely new, freshly bathed. You see them for a moment, and again you are lost in darkness. Your darkness has a very long history. When you weigh these two, doubt arises about sunlight but not about darkness. Darkness should be doubted. Instead sunlight is doubted because its rays are new, and darkness is very old. Darkness is like a tradition coming down from century to century. The rays of light have just arrived – fresh, new. So new, how can they be trusted?
“I felt I was not of this earth.” There is no one who is of this earth. We cannot be of this earth. To think otherwise is our belief, our projection. It seems so, but it is not the truth.
“… And I felt I was a small particle of light in the infinite sky.” This is the beginning, “a small particle of light in the infinite sky.” You will soon feel, “I am the infinite sky.” This is the start.
Right now we are not ready to be completely absorbed in the infinite sky. And if we feel the flight coming, the storm coming, that winds are carrying us away, still we keep separate and save ourselves. “… a particle of light.” You are no longer darkness, you have become a particle of light. But the difference from the sky is still there; the division remains, a gap remains. The ultimate will happen the day you become the sky. The particle of light is also separate. The day you become integrated, one, on that day you will feel “I am the vast empty sky.”
That’s how we express it in language: “I am empty sky.” But how is it possible as long as ‘I’ is there? If ‘I’ is, then the sky remains separate. When the feeling of empty sky comes, then ‘I’ will be gone, only empty sky will remain.
People say aham brahmasmi – I am God, I am Brahma. But when Brahma is, how can “I” remain? Only Brahma remains, not I. But there is no other way to express it.
Language is for people who are asleep. Language belongs to those who have settled in a strange country but consider it their homeland.
Silence is for those who know.
Language is for the ignorant.
So as soon as you say anything, just saying it, truth becomes untruth. Aham brahmasmi – I am Brahma, I am the sky. Say it, it becomes a lie. Only sky is. But to say, “Only sky is” is not the whole truth, because ‘only’ indicates that there must be something more; otherwise why the emphasis on ‘only’? ‘Sky is’? There is difficulty even in saying this because ‘is’ can become ‘is not’.
We say, “The house is.” Some day it will cease to be, it may fall down, become a ruin. We say, “The man is.” Some day the man will die. The sky is not like this, that sometimes it is and sometimes not. The sky always is, so to say “Sky is” is a repetition. The very nature of the sky is to be. So why repeat ‘is’? It is correct to say ‘is’ for those things which some day cease to exist. A man is. One day he was not, today he is, and tomorrow again he will not be. Our ‘is’ exists between two ‘nots’.
The isness of the sky was yesterday, is today and will also be tomorrow. What is the meaning of ‘is’ between two ‘ises’? ‘Is’ has meaning between two ‘is nots’. So to say “Sky is” is also a repetition. Let us say, “sky.” But when we say sky, when we make a word, even then it is wrong. Just to say sky means there is something which is different from it, separate from it; otherwise what is the need of a word? If there is only one, there is no need to say one. One is meaningful only when two is, three is, four is – where there are numbers. Why say sky?
This is why wisdom is silent. It is impossible to bring the ultimate wisdom into words.
But we are fortunate that rare individuals like Ashtavakra have made untiring, impossible efforts. As much as it is possible they have made the effort to bring the fragrance of truth into words.
And note: few have been as successful as Ashtavakra in their attempt. Many have attempted to bring the truth into words – all were defeated. Defeat is certain. But if you look among the defeated, the least defeated is Ashtavakra. He is the most successful. If you listen rightly you will be reminded of your home.
It is auspicious that you felt you were a particle of light. Prepare to be lost. One day you will feel that the particle of light is also lost, and only sky remains. Then drunkenness will completely overwhelm you. Then you will drown in the wine of truth. Then you will dance. Then you will experience the full taste of nectar.
“After discourse, an experience of lightness and aloneness continued. I wanted to keep wandering in this sky.” Here we make a small mistake. When we have any pleasant experience, we want it again and again. How weak man’s mind is! It is full of desires, full of greed; temptations go on arising. It wants to repeat whatever is pleasant. But remember one thing: repetition is already wrong. As soon as you wish “Let it happen again” it can never take place, because the first time it occurred it was not from your desire. It happened by itself, it was not your act.
This is where Ashtavakra puts the whole emphasis: truth happens. It is not an act, it is a happening. It happened to you while listening. What were you doing? Listening means you weren’t doing anything. You were sitting feeling empty. You were silent, you were alert, you were awake, you were not asleep. Good! But what were you doing? You were simply a receiver. Your mind was mirrorlike – what came before it was reflected, what was said was heard. You were not adding anything to it. If you were adding anything it would never have happened. You were not making commentaries. You were not in your mind saying, “Yes, this is right, that is wrong. I agree with it, I disagree. It is according to the scriptures,” or “It is not.” You were not making logical statements about it. If you had been lost in logic, this happening would never have taken place.
The one who has asked – Swami Om Prakash Sarasvati – I know him. His mind is far away from logic, far away from doubts and arguments. Those days are gone. He may have made logical arguments once, may have raised doubts. Now he has ripened from the experiences of life. Now that childishness is not in the mind. This is why it could happen. He was simply listening, sitting, not doing anything – he just went on sitting and it happened.
It happened the first time without your doing anything. If you want it to happen a second time, this will create a disturbance. Desiring was not the cause of its happening. So when such a rare happening takes place, do not desire. When it happens, accept it joyously. When it doesn’t happen don’t complain, do not ask for it. Ask and you will miss. In asking is a demand, an insistence: “It should happen. It happened once, why doesn’t it happen now?”
This occurs every day. When people come here to meditate, in the beginning they are fresh and new. They have no experience, so it happens. This is very surprising. You must comprehend this – it will help you understand Ashtavakra better. This is my daily experience. When people come new and fresh and they have no experience of meditation, it happens. It happens and they are filled with joy – but the very experience creates difficulty. Then expectations begin: what happened today should happen tomorrow; not just happen, but happen stronger. But it doesn’t happen again and they approach me, crying. They say, “What happened? Have we made some mistake? It happened once, but now it’s not.”
“This is your mistake,” I tell them. “When it first happened you were not expecting anything; now you are. Now the mind is no longer innocent. Your expectation has contaminated it. Now you are not genuine, you are not open – asking has closed the doors. Expectation has arisen, and this expectation spoils everything. Now desire is aroused, greed enters.”
This happens every day. People who have meditated a long time go on trying many methods but drop into meditation only with great difficulty. Their experience becomes a barrier. Sometimes someone just comes, flowing with the vibe… he had never even thought about meditation. A friend was coming, so he thought “Let’s go see what it is.” He came out of curiosity – no desire, no spiritual searching, no efforts toward meditation – he just came. Something was triggered inside when he saw others meditating and he joined them. Then it happened! He was surprised: “I didn’t come for meditation, but meditation happened.” Now the problems start. Now, when he comes again there is expectation. The mind is interested: it must happen again. There is greed, a desire for repetition. The mind has come in and the whole process is disturbed.
It happens only when there is no mind.
Remember, mind is the desire for repetition.
Let the pleasant happen again, let the unpleasant never repeat – this is the mind. The mind chooses: let this happen and that not happen. Let it happen again and again like this, but never like that – this is the mind.
When you begin to flow with life: whatever happens, okay; what doesn’t, okay…. Suffering comes, it is accepted. Suffering comes, there is no resistance. Happiness comes, it is accepted. Happiness comes, there is no excitement. When there is calmness, in both happiness and suffering, an equanimity starts arising. Then happiness and suffering begin to appear very similar – because no choice is left. Now it is out of our hands. What happens happens.
We go on watching – this is what Ashtavakra calls sakshi-bhav, witnessing. And he says if witnessing is attained, everything is attained. Inside, sakshi-bhav awakens the witness, outside it brings equanimity.
Equanimity is the shadow of witnessing.
Or if you achieve equanimity, witnessing comes. These two go together. They are the two feet or the two wings of the same phenomenon.
“I wanted to keep wandering in this sky.” Be alert. Don’t give the mind a chance to destroy the moments of meditation. This same mind has already destroyed your life. It has spoiled all of your relationships. This mind has made your whole life dry like a desert. Where many flowers could have blossomed there are only thorns. Do not bring this mind with you on your inward journey. Say good-bye to it and take your leave. Lovingly, bid it farewell. Tell it, “It is enough. Now I won’t demand anything. Whatever happens I will be awake, I will be watching.”
As soon as you demand, you can no longer be a witness. You become identified as the one who enjoys and suffers. Then meditation vanishes. To be identified means you are saying: “I am the one who enjoyed this, it made me happy.”
“I do not know what knowledge, karma, and devotion are, but in aloneness I wish to remain immersed in this state.” Throw this wish away, and you will slip into the same state. Not only in aloneness but in the crowd you will slip into it. Even if you are in the market you will remain immersed. This state has nothing to do with aloneness or the crowd, the market or the temple, the masses or isolation. This state is related to your mind becoming quiet, to its being in equilibrium. This happening will take place wherever there is peace, equanimity. But do not demand it, otherwise the very demanding becomes uneasiness, creates tension.
Ashtavakra says, “Right here, right now.” A demand is always for tomorrow. It cannot be here and now. The nature of demanding is that it is not in the present. It jumps. Demanding means: “Let it happen – tomorrow, after an hour, in a moment, let it happen.” A demand cannot be right now. Time is required. It may be very short, but time is required. And the future does not exist. The future means what is not. The present means what is. The present and demanding are not related.
When you are in the present you will find there is no demanding. And then the happening takes place.
When there is no wish for it, it will happen abundantly.
Understand this double bind well. Become familiar with every aspect of it. The day you don’t demand anything is the day everything will happen. The day you aren’t running like a madman after godliness, it will come after you. The day you don’t show any eagerness for meditation, when there is no tension within you, that day you will be filled, overflowing with meditation.
Meditation does not come from outside. What is left inside you when you are not tense is called meditation. That which remains when there is no desire within you is called meditation.
It is a lake. Waves arise, then sudden gusts of wind. The surface of the lake is covered with storm and winds; everything goes topsy-turvy. The moon is in the sky, full; but no reflection is made because the surface is shimmering. How can it be a mirror? The moon’s reflection is broken into a thousand pieces – like silver spread over the whole lake, but no image is made.
The lake becomes quiet. Have the waves gone somewhere? Did the waves come from somewhere else? They are from the lake. Now they have gone back to sleep, they have returned to the lake. The lake has regained its stillness. The moon, which was scattered like silver all over the surface of the lake, is now gathered in one place. The image becomes clear.
As soon as there are no waves on the lake of your mind, desiring waves, demanding waves, waves of, “This should be so and that should not be so,” when there are no waves on the lake of the mind, then truth is reflected as it is. Then how can the beauty of the moon within you be described? How can its ecstasy be told? A river of ecstasy showers. One meets the inner beloved. Then there is a honeymoon, only a honeymoon.
But if you desire it, you will miss.
And I know this desire looks completely natural. But this is a great hurdle. So much joy comes in such moments, how can you avoid desiring? It is human. I don’t say that you have made a big mistake, unworthy of a human being. It is an absolutely human error. When for a moment the window opens and the vast sky flows into you, when for a moment darkness vanishes and rays of light descend it is impossible, almost impossible, not to wish for more. But the impossible will have to be learned. Learn it today, learn it tomorrow or learn it the day after, but it will have to be learnt. The sooner you learn it the better. Become ready right now and it happens immediately. There is no need to wait even a moment.
“… I wish to remain immersed in this state.” This state will come. It has nothing to do with your mind, so leave your mind behind. Whenever it sneaks in, you have to tell it again and again, “Excuse me, but you have meddled more than enough! You have messed up the world, now don’t mess up the divine too. You have spoiled all of life’s happiness. Now happiness is coming from the inner depths; at least don’t spoil this.”
Remain alert and say good-bye to the mind.
Gradually, increasingly, such moments will be coming.
They will come through your experience. Whenever mind is not, immediately the window opens again. Again the stream of heavenly joy flows, again the light descends. Again you are radiant, intoxicated. Again you drown in nectar.
When this happens again and again, it will become clear. You will become skilful at keeping the mind away from you. When it happens, let it happen. When it does not happen, wait quietly for it. It will come. That which has come once will come again and again – just do not wish for it. Do not come in between at all. Do not create any hindrance.
“Still, the feeling sometimes arises that this may be madness….” Such feelings will arise in the intellect, because it cannot believe that bliss is possible. Intellect is absolutely at home with unhappiness. It has totally accepted unhappiness because it has given birth to it. Who will not accept their own offspring? So the intellect says, “If there is unhappiness, it is absolutely right. But ultimate happiness? Certainly there must be some mistake. Does it ever happen? It must be imagination. You saw a dream, you were lost in some daydream. You went into hypnosis. Certainly you have gone mad.” The intellect will often say such things. Don’t listen to it. Don’t pay any attention to it. If you give attention to it, the experiences will stop. Those doors and windows will never open again.
Remember one thing: Bliss is the definition of truth.
Wherever you find joy, know it is the truth. That is why we have called God, sat-chit-anand – truth, consciousness, bliss. Anand is the ultimate definition for him. Bliss is above even truth, even above consciousness – truth, consciousness, bliss. Truth is a lower step, consciousness is a lower step, bliss is ultimate. Wherever bliss flows, wherever you find ecstasy – don’t worry at all, you are near the truth.
It is like someone nearing a garden. The breeze becomes cooler; he begins to hear the singing of birds, he begins to feel a coolness. The garden is not yet visible, yet these signs tell him that he is on the right path, he is nearing the garden. Similarly, as you start approaching truth, springs of bliss well up. The mind begins to cool down, you begin to be in equilibrium, patience begins increasing, happiness increases. An exultation overwhelms you – uncaused. No cause can be found. You haven’t won the lottery or made a big business profit, nor been offered a prestigious job. Or it may happen that you lost the job you had, you lost what was in your hands, your business went bankrupt – but there is an uncaused exultation that goes on dancing within, never stopping. The intellect will say, “Have you gone mad? These are the signs of madness!”
This is a very strange world. Here, only the mad look happy. This is why the intellect says you must have gone mad. Have you ever seen anyone here cheerful and happy besides madmen? There are thousands of reasons to be happy, but still man is not happy. He may have a big palace, wealth, all sorts of comforts; still he is not happy. This world is a world of miserable people, the majority are miserable. So if you begin to laugh without cause here, people will say you are mad. And if you say, “This laughing comes for no reason, its waves arise within, it just spreads,” people will say, “Enough! His mind is disturbed.”
But if you pull a long face, look so dejected that seeing your face even ghosts are frightened, then you are fine, then you are okay here: no problem, everything goes smoothly for you. You are a man just like any other man. You are human the way human beings should be. But when you start smiling, start laughing, start humming songs, when you begin dancing at the side of the road – then certainly you have gone mad.
This is the way we have denied God. If he should come here, we would put him away in a madhouse. Perhaps this is why he doesn’t come. He is afraid of coming….
Imagine: if you met Krishna on the street, playing on his flute, wearing his peacock feather crown, his yellow silks, his girlfriends dancing all around – what would you do? Run immediately to the police station, reporting: “There’s trouble on the road. What’s going on there? That kind of thing is not supposed to happen!” You would throw him in jail.
Bliss has been boycotted.
We have banished joy from our lives. We sit embracing unhappiness. Here, a pessimistic man appears intelligent, a cheerful man appears insane. Our whole criterion is upside down. It is natural: if all of a sudden what you had considered intelligent throughout your life begins disappearing, begins slipping away; if the foundation of your so-called intelligence begins shaking, and suddenly you start seeing joy everywhere, and remember “without cause”…. This is what insanity means, happy without cause – no cause at all. You are sitting alone and you start smiling. Enough, you’ve gone mad, because we have seen only mad people sitting like that.
Understand: the insane and the paramahansas, enlightened ones, are a little similar. The insane laugh and are happy; they have lost their intelligence. Paramahansas also laugh and are happy; they have gone beyond intellect. Both laugh – an insane person because he has fallen below, a paramahansa because he has gone beyond intellect. There is this small similarity between the two. The insane and the paramahansa have one thing in common: both have lost the intellect. One has forsaken it consciously, the other in unconsciousness. Hence the difference is vast, as different as earth and sky, and yet there is this similarity. So sometimes you see a paramahansa as a mad person and sometimes a mad person as a paramahansa. Mistakes go on happening.
In the West there are many people locked up in asylums who are not insane. Recently a great revolution has begun there. Some psychologists, notably R.D.Laing and his co-workers, have started a movement. They claim that many in asylums are not insane. If these people had been born in the East they would have been respected as paramahansas. R.D. Laing does not know that the opposite happens in the East – here many madmen are taken for paramahansas. But to err is human. Here in the East are many madmen who are understood to be paramahansas. These mistakes happen because the boundaries of these two touch. This confusion is natural.
Make it a point that if joy is increasing, no need to worry. But joy can increase due to insanity also. Then what is a safe criterion for it? This is the criterion: if your joy is increasing and at the same time you are not causing anybody’s unhappiness to increase, then continue untroubled. Your joy should not be dependent on violence towards anyone, on aggression towards anyone, or on making anyone unhappy. Then there is no reason to be afraid of going mad. Even if you are going mad, it is a good sign, it is right. Go into it with no hesitation.
You need to be concerned only when you begin to harm somebody. Nobody is bothered by your dance. But if somebody is sleeping and you play your drum over his head and start dancing?… Dance, there’s no problem in it. Chant your prayers, that’s fine. But if in the middle of the night you set up a mike and start non-stop kirtan singing, then you are really mad – although in India no one would call you mad because you are singing devotional songs. Many madmen do this. They say, “We are performing a non-stop kirtan – twenty-four hours straight. Whether you sleep or not is your problem. And if you object to our program, you are irreligious.”
See that your joy is not violent. This is sufficient. Your joy should be your own. Don’t disturb anybody else’s life with it. Let your flowers bloom, but in blooming, don’t let anyone be pricked by its thorns. If you always make sure of this, then you are moving in the right direction. When you feel that now others are being disturbed by your behavior, be careful – you are not moving towards enlightenment but are on the path to insanity.
Nobody is disturbed by Om Prakash. You can proceed without hesitation, fearlessly.
Yesterday I was reading a poem: “All that was beautiful, lovable, desirable; what was good, refined, new, true and real, I picked and brought, presenting my offerings. But what happened? It all withered where it was placed. Dried out. Wilted. Not a thing did he lift a hand to take, though somewhere it is written he would accept…. But what I gave, received, drank, knocked over, what I poured out, spilled, what I uncovered, covered, what I unloaded, what I loaded up – all that was recorded. Then I saw that it all fell into the same sacrificial fire and at that moment I felt, Oh! I am released, I have made it across! Alright, I accept it, my head has spun away in craziness.”
The man has made it – from his head spinning away. You may go on offering very select things to God, the very best – but nothing will come of it until you offer your head.
Listen again: “All that was beautiful, lovable, desirable; what was good, refined, new, true and real I picked and brought, presenting my offerings. But what happened? It all withered where it was placed. Dried out. Wilted. Not a thing did he lift a hand to take….”
Find the most beautiful and bring it, find the most valuable, offer the Kohinoor diamond – all will pale into insignificance. Pick flowers, lotuses, roses, offer them – all will wilt. Only one thing is accepted here: your head, your ego, your intellect, your mind. These are different names for exactly the same thing. You must offer yourself here.
“… and at that moment I felt, Oh! I am released, I made it across! Okay, I accept it, my head has spun away crazily.”
Om Prakash, people will tell you the same thing: you have gone mad. Let them say so! Don’t worry about what they say. When people call you crazy they are trying to save their own heads, nothing else. When they say you are crazy, they are saying, “Keep away from us, don’t come near us! Don’t sing these songs to us, don’t bring this laughter to our doors, don’t show us your wine-filled eyes, don’t bring us this message.” They will feel threatened.
They have this same music within. They have a veena lying within them, waiting many lives for someone to caress its strings. But they are afraid, insecure. They have built much and become settled in this phony world. Now they fear being uprooted.
I was in Allahabad, and a friend was sitting right in front of me, listening to me. Millions of people have sat before me and listened, but there are very few who have listened with as much feeling as he was listening. Streams of tears were flowing down his face.
Suddenly, he got up in the middle of the lecture and left the hall. I was a little surprised and I asked the organizer what happened. It turned out that the man was very famous – I hadn’t known. He was a literary man, a poet, a writer.
The organizer went to his house and inquired…. The man told him, “Forgive me – I was becoming disturbed. After twenty minutes I thought, It is better to run away from here. If I stay a little longer, something or other will happen. This man is already cuckoo – he will drive me mad. I will come, but not now. I will certainly come again, but give me a little time. I could not sleep for two nights, and what he said is echoing in my mind. No, at present I have so much work. Now my children are young, I have a house and family to look after, but I will certainly come. Go and please tell him I shall certainly come – but not now.”
When someone says you are cuckoo, he is only trying to protect himself. By deciding you are mad he means he is repressing his attraction. He also has an irrepressible longing within him. Who has not sought God? Who has no thirst for bliss? Who is not longing for truth? Such a person has never existed. Those you call atheists are people who have become frightened. They say, “No, there is no God” – because if they don’t deny him, they will have to seek him.
It is my own experience that there is a deeper desire for truth in an atheist than in a believer. He is afraid of going to a temple, but you are not. You are not afraid because the desire in you is not so strong that it will drive you mad. You go to the temple as if you were going to your shop. You go in and out of the temple but you are not affected at all.
An atheist is a person who knows that if he enters the temple he will not be able to return. If he enters he will not return the same as he entered. So there is just one escape; he says, “God does not exist – religion is all hypocrisy.” In this way he saves himself, persuading himself, “There is no God, so why go to the temple? There is no God, why get into all this mess? Why meditate? Why pray?”
As I see it, the atheist is inwardly trying to save himself. I have not yet seen a real, authentic atheist. How can man be an atheist? An atheist means a person who tries to live in “no.” How can anyone live in no? How can anyone live in atheism?
To live one needs yes.
Do flowers ever bloom in no? Yes is needed. Acceptance is needed. The more acceptance of life, the more flowers bloom in it. But you are afraid flowers will bloom beyond your capacity, that the flowers will be so abundant that you will not be able to contain it….
Last night a young man told me, “Help! This experience is becoming uncontrollable. I am so elated, it seems I will burst. The ecstasy is too great, I cannot contain it. The vessel of my heart is so small. Help me! It is carrying me away. All my limits are being smashed. And I am afraid if I flow along with it there will be no return.”
Losing control – this is the fear. Ego can readily live with unhappiness; control is not lost in unhappiness. No matter how much you weep in misery, you remain the master. Control is lost in joy, the limits are shattered. Limits are never broken in misery. Even in hell limits are never broken. If you fall into hell you remain strong inside. Limits are broken in heaven – there, control is lost. And where control is lost, ego is lost. Where control is lost, the grip of intellect is lost, the power of reasoning is lost.
This is what is happening. Don’t be afraid. The moment of being carried away comes near you. But that current has never carried anyone away unless they have gone mad.
“I am searching for a song not yet on my lips, which would dance in my veins, boiling like lava. I am searching for a fire that will vibrate each and every cell with joy and reduce me to scattered threads, weave me into a fine net so I become transparent. I am in searching for a fragrance to make me weightless, so I can float on the air and quiver in the soft shower of a light rain in the slatey sky of the darkening evening. I am searching for a flashy color….”
Om Prakash, I have given you this flashy color; these orange clothes are the flashy color. Go on flowing, transcending limits. Float beyond intellect. Let go of control. Control means the doer – leave control aside. If there is a doer, it can only be existence. Do not compete with existence, do not become its adversary. Don’t fight with it. Surrender, flow with its stream. You will float.
Those who drown are carried afloat – those who try to swim are drowned.
Osho, The Mahageeta, Vol 1, Ch 2, Q 1 (translation from Hindi)