Jewish mothers


…of Mona Lisa, Columbus, Michelangelo and more.

Santa Maria

Mona Lisa’s Jewish mother: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”

Columbus’ Jewish mother: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still could have written!”

Michelangelo’s Jewish mother: “Can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that junk off the ceiling?”

Napoleon’s Jewish mother: “All right, if you aren’t hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.”

Abraham Lincoln’s Jewish mother: “Again with the hat? Can’t you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”

George Washington’s Jewish mother: “The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!”

Thomas Edison’s Jewish mother: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!”

Paul Revere’s Jewish mother: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.”

And, of course, these two, who really did have Jewish mothers:

Albert Einstein’s Jewish mother: “But it’s your senior picture. Couldn’t you do something about your hair?”

Moses’ Jewish mother: “That’s a nice story. Now tell me where you’ve really been for the last forty years.”

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