A few short ones…
Morris, an 82-year-old man, goes to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor sees Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor speaks to Morris and says, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replies, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’”
* * *
A little old man shuffles slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulls himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he orders a banana split.
The waitress asks kindly, “Crushed nuts?”
“No,” he replies, “arthritis.”
* * *
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand can have sex with me tonight!”
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”
Bessie thinks a minute and says, “Close enough.”
* * *
A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.”
“Sir,” replied the doctor, “You’re 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?”
“You’re darned right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!”
* * *
I’ve sure gotten old. I’ve had 2 by-pass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation. Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends, but…..
Thank God, I still have my driver’s license!
* * *
Photo by Mathias Konrath on Unsplash
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