Upchara’s little secrets she has kept for many years.
Osho in the belly
I will take you back to the day before Osho died: the 18th of January, 1990.
We are all getting ready to take our seats in Buddha Hall for White Robe Meditation. I am just going to sit down, when I suddenly remember that I’ve left rice cooking on the stove. I whisper to my companion that I have to go home and turn off the stove. I just manage to get out of the gates before they close, and hurry home. When I reach my flat, it’s exactly as I’d thought: the stove is still on. I turn it off.
Somehow, I find myself hopping onto my bed and sitting in meditation. And, in a split second I go very deep (which doesn’t always happen).
It’s White Robe time in Buddha Hall.
In my meditation I distinctly hear Osho’s voice say, “Hello, Upchara,” just the way he did once in Pune One, as an unusual goodbye, at the end of the answer to a question of mine.
Quite remarkable!
I receive it.
Then the following day, when again we are in Buddha Hall for White Robe, Amrito comes in to tell us that Osho has left his body… and I remember the “Hello, Upchara” I had heard the night before!
Now, I am sitting in Buddha Hall and as Amrito walks in – he hasn’t said anything yet – I already know! I am in shock. What I never wanted to experience, has happened. It’s horrible. And I cling to my boyfriend next to me.
And as Osho’s body is brought in, everybody around me (I am sitting towards the back) stands up. Of course, I stand up with them because I am in the middle of the crowd, yet I strongly feel, No, no! I want to sit. I really want to sit! And a voice inside of me very clearly says, Then find a place to sit. I easily make my way through the standing bodies until I reach the rows where people are still sitting, and I sit down.
Everything becomes very quiet.
I know my master has not died. He was not that body.
Now, we are all going to the burning ghats.
The following days I live in a sort of daze.
From the moment Osho left his body I kept having this feeling that I was getting very clear messages – from inside my belly. It was grace, an unmerited gift. How remarkable! Like the “If you want to sit, make your way and sit!”
This goes on for a few days. I really notice it consciously.
I have the feeling – and I’ve never told anybody till now – that Osho is now in my belly.
From the moment they had brought his body into Buddha Hall, I knew that the Osho I loved had never been that body. And now I had Osho in my belly!
Needless to say, I didn’t peep a word about this.
Sometime later, before leaving for Italy, I went to one of those channelling events with Jyoti and Chidvilas.
I just sit there and listen to what is being channelled through Jyoti. Then I hear her say, while addressing me, “Osho is now in your belly!” I am astonished. At the same time, it makes total sense of course!
My boyfriend looks at me with big eyes. I say to him, “Come on. I am just me. I am normal. Everything is okay. Nothing extraordinary.”
This was an amazing gift.
It’s very clear. After all, has Osho not said that the outer Master is there to ignite our inner Master? And that there is a moment when the inner Master takes over?
And I am glad to say that this voice inside comes whenever I need it. It’s not always there. But since then, my way of receiving guidance is through hearing.
Use my eyes!
Back in Italy, on my own, I am travelling on a train from Rome to Tuscany, and as I look at the land, the sky, the clouds, I find myself talking to Osho inside, saying, Yes, please, you can use my eyes. Now you can look and see these hills, this kind of light you may have never seen. This is Tuscany!
And more or less for a month – it didn’t last longer than that – I very often was in the perception that I could lend my eyes to Osho and that he could see through my eyes… which obviously also meant that I could see through his eyes.
So, that’s another one of these amazing, amazing gifts!
Zen wall
Another little story.
We are now spooling back to when we go to the river and collect Osho’s ashes at the burning ghats. We come back, his brother carrying the urn on his shoulders, to place it in the Samadhi in Chuang Tzu.
I sit on the Zen wall, waiting. There is a long line of people wanting to go into the Samadhi. I am sitting on the wall, and all of a sudden I am hit by this huge wave of absolute ecstasy.
I cannot move. I cannot talk. My heart bursts open. I am in absolute bliss. I continue hearing a voice say, Enjoy. This too will pass. This too will go away.
I know that I can enjoy it while it is here. There is no time, no space. I just keep looking at the sky from where I am sitting on the Zen wall. The only concern I have is that my boyfriend might be looking for me – and I just cannot get up. I cannot move. I am sending telepathic messages to him saying, I’m here on this wall. You must come and find me!
So, that was also a very special moment. Another one of the amazing gifts around the time that Osho left his body.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has these kinds of secrets.
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