Perfectly politically correct jokes
A friend mentioned to a blond man, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
To which the blond man said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to the police station.
One asks, “But, what if one explodes on the way, before we get there?”
The other replies, “We’ll just lie and say we only found two.”
A woman phoned her blond neighbor and said to him, “You better close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
To which the blond man replied, “Well, the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”
A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts from the bedroom, “Did you finally find the shampoo?”
“Yes, I did,” he replies, “but I’m not sure what to do… It says it’s for dry hair, but I’ve just wet mine.”
A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
“I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.
The vet takes a good look at it and says, “It seems calm enough to me.”
The blond man insists, “Just wait until I take it out of the bowl.”
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope in big letters: DO NOT BEND.
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the doctor.
“No, damn,” he shouts down the line, “this is her husband!”
An Italian tourist asks a blond man, “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the blond man replies, “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat, wouldn’t they?”
Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
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