Puns

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

Worrying works! Case in point: 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.

It takes a lot of balls to golf like me.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never again.

I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said “Don’t mention it.”

Local man killed by falling piano. It will be a low key funeral.

Featured image istockphoto.com