Kavindra remembers the beginning of his ‘golden years’ (part 2 of his series, Glimpses of a Life)
My first morning at the Osho International Meditation Resort, was spent (after registering) in Buddha Grove. I had bought a small toy from a street vendor in Delhi. It was a device which you catapulted into the air, and it floated down to earth like a little helicopter with lights flickering. Being there in Buddha Grove, playing with this toy, was so joyful. I can remember a very strong feeling that I had come ‘home’. During the following three months, I threw myself into everything that was happening in the Resort, Dynamic, Kundalini, Who is In and many other groups. During the morning celebration in Buddha Grove I danced and danced like a madman, and at the Saturday disco I was just supercharged dancing from beginning to end. It was fantastic. I’d never before felt so free.
It was during one particular group that I met the love of my life. This was ‘Watching The Fire’, a Tantra group. There were so many beautiful women there, I was in heaven. During the course of the group I was partnered with many different women, but one in particular really attracted me. Her name was Shakti. We had a very beautiful connection.
One day during lunch break I asked her if she would like to walk to the shop with me. We strolled down the back lane and purchased some snacks. On the way back we were sharing some cashew nuts. She was giving me the cashews in a very deliberate way, directly into my mouth, and I was doing the same for her. It was such a Tantric experience, walking so slowly, giving each other cashews! It took us almost one hour to walk the short distance back. When the final day came, and the group was finishing, many of the participants were showering, as we were in a constant state of sweat from the exercises and all the energy being generated. I remember saying to Shakti, ‘Would you like to shower with me?’
She said yes and I thought, fantastic, bingo! There was no sex involved and we hadn’t slept together, but just being together in that shower was beautiful. We shared times together over the following period. She then decided to join the Women’s Liberation group. So during that group I would see her every night at the Evening Meeting. We would just acknowledge each other.
Then one night everyone was walking out and she was beside me. I reached down to hold her hand. She took hold of mine and then suddenly and very deliberately let go. I had gotten a shock rejection, again! Oh, she doesn’t want me any more, or she’s found another boyfriend. I was really shocked and disappointed.
For the next several days I was obsessed with being with her again, wanting her to want me. She was still in the group at this point. I was so upset about the whole thing that I could hardly sleep. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I had almost given up being with her again.
Then one evening at the very end of White Robe I was sitting, stewing in my misery. Almost everybody had left the hall. I sat there with my eyes closed, in silence. I waited for quite a long time as I enjoyed the silence and aloneness I could feel. Eventually I opened my eyes, and there sitting right in front of me was Shakti. I can’t describe the feeling, except to say tears flowed down my cheeks. I was so happy that she had come back to me. We hugged for ages and ages. I’ll never forget that moment.
It was to be the beginning of a long relationship, which continues to this very moment of writing.
It heralded what I refer to as the ‘golden years’ with beloved Shakti.
To be continued…
Related article
- What’s wrong with me? – Part 1 of Kavindra’s series, Glimpses of a Life
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