A note by Subhan
In my youth, I used the word “individual” to mean someone who stood out from the crowd. Maybe I even experienced them as unique. That’s what made them an individual!
I remember some people who stood out that way. But, I never thought much about what that meant, and why I felt that way.
In the 1990’s I got interested in the real root meaning of words. I often looked to see if I could find root words in the word itself. And I became surprised when I did this with the word ‘individual’: in = not, and dividual = divided. So, an ‘individual’ meant someone who is not divided!
I was surprised by this, and felt the difference between my ordinary scattered life with a splintered mind, and the possibility of living an ‘undivided’ life – not being split.
I recognized the moments when there was this feeling of integration. They were brief, but wonderful. They were the times I felt like I was ‘at home’. For a brief moment, there was no separation – either inside or outside. I was more relaxed and more comfortable with life.
And, I also clearly knew the splintered experience of having multiple parts of the mind, trying to move in different directions, and at war with one another. Osho called this the polypsychic mind. By watching the mind, it became clear that I didn’t have one mind… I had several minds!
So, unless a moment of undivided ‘presence’ was there, there could be no individual. And life has been splintered and painful at times. Watching the splinteredness of the mind became the most significant step toward being an individual.
And the knack of watching has become available! Maybe it has been supported by almost 50 years of meditation. Or perhaps it was being with Osho for years – who always felt like someone of tremendous integrity. Or maybe it’s just the time of life.
As many mystics have said, outside of the mind there is nothing but undivided presence. It has become clear to me that watchfulness opens the door to experience what is beyond the overthinking mind.
Featured image by Andre Furtado
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