Bhavi from Kannagara Journeys Podcasts interviews Svarup about her Teenage Work
Listen on kannagarajourneys.com – spotify.com
Teenage is a very intense period in our lives – for one because of the hormonal changes. Our body suddenly feels different; we have longings, we have attractions, we have romantic ideas, and we become aware of the opposite gender or of the same gender. And there is physical attraction, a movement toward the other. That’s one part.
The other is the activation of the frontal lobes. These are the latest development of the human brain. The frontal lobes suddenly create in us an atmosphere of impatience, passion, visions, and especially a wanting to have it all. Now, these frontal lobes will take time to pair up, to connect to our adult part, which has a self-regulatory function. For now we just get a lot of impulses, a lot of ideas, but we are still only in a phase of elaborating; it will take a few years to know how to manifest these ideas.
It’s a lot about intensity. Intensity is oozing out of our pores in many different ways. That intensity is not necessarily welcomed by our surroundings – our family and the larger world – (note: as teenagers we have now become aware of the world around us!). That impulse, that intensity, gets blocked, judged, ridiculed, rejected, or in many ways stopped in its tracks.
What that creates in us is… shame, which becomes the main emotional experience for a teenager. We become ashamed of our sexual drives. We become ashamed of our body. We become ashamed of our dreams. Shame is a very subtle emotion because it is just on the surface of the body. It’s based on a micro-tension, on holding the energy that is unwelcome, that is not received.
Shame is the main emotion we have to deal with in our teenage years. Shame is hidden, not expressed. You never hear a teenager saying, “I’m ashamed.” Shame itself is then something we are ashamed of – it’s a double holding. But the energy we hold is powerful, intense. It is sexual energy, it is vision energy, and somehow it tends to go inwards and stay hidden.
When we do that, and we don’t have the tools or the surroundings to process that shame, it goes very deep into the unconscious and often becomes a self-destructive, or destructive energy, because it wants to come out. If it cannot come out in a vulnerable way, it becomes a form of excess or implosion. Many teenagers now isolate themselves, sitting in front of their tablets the whole day.
Or that energy of shame becomes an acting out. Exaggerating. Pushing oneself into more sex or more ideas in a way that doesn’t take into account the vulnerability, the fragility, the sensitive beauty of our bodies and our mind. Shame is the main emotion we need to contend with – we need to embrace it and transform it while working with teenage. It is very different from working with childhood.
With childhood, the emotions are primarily visible in the muscles of the body. With teenage, shame hides. Our task as adults is to let the teenager show us what her or his longings are, in a way that, with our adult capacity to manifest things, we can help them so that’s not self-destructive or destructive.
I recently read a book that said you cannot give a Ferrari to an 18-year-old boy or girl who has just passed the driving test. That boy or girl might be more skilled to drive that Ferrari at 25, but we can only hope that at 25 they will still have that same elated feeling they had at 18, and enjoy driving that Ferrari! It is a metaphor that reflects exactly the situation of teenage – being a teenager is like being a Ferrari without the know-how to drive it safely.
Could you please expand a little bit more on the ‘longing of the teenager’?
The longing of the teenager are all the dreams that come up once you realize that your energy is much larger than the confines of your school, your home, and you start looking at the world at large. You begin to develop longings that are unusual. Maybe you were a very good and quiet child, and then suddenly, in your secret dreams, something else appears.
These longings are secret, covered in a very delicate layer of shame. Maybe you were a quiet child, and then suddenly as teenage kicks in, you dream of becoming a rock star. Then you dismiss that dream because you think it is unrealistic, or dangerous, or it doesn’t fit with the expectations of your family about your future.
In our Teenage Work, we wouldn’t teach you how to follow your longing and become a rock star. However, we can show you how to absorb the essence of that longing – not deny it, not cover it in shame – but understand that there is an essence which you can implement in whatever work you have chosen to do as an adult. It is about retrieving the quality, the flavor, the excitement, the enthusiasm, and the passion by remembering what you were longing for as a teenager.
You offer a series of 10 Teenage Deconditioning sessions – what kind of things will you do in these sessions?
In the first stage we will establish the map, which includes also the child part. We will see how, and if, the adult in us, the child in us, and the teenager in us are relating to each other. We can see where the energy gets boxed in, or is separated, so that we can establish a flow between these three parts and begin to understand a connectedness.
From there, we will start our exploration, which will be about the longing of the teenager – remembering the longing and reliving that longing in a way that is supported by our adult part. Then from there we will move into exploring the dark side of teenage, all that which has been repressed and denied within the family atmosphere, and how that has created a darkening of shame, and turned into revenge.
Revenge against the world, revenge against ourselves. We will bring that feeling of revenge to light and transform it into compassion – compassion for ourselves, and compassion for the people who, mostly unconsciously, shamed us – so that we can move on. We can be reborn as a teenager in the embrace and holding of our adult consciousness.
From there, we move into an exploration and a re-learning of the energy movement in our male body and in our female body, and understand that to improve, expand, and enjoy our relationships, we first need to love ourselves.
We then need to feel the bonding with and support of our same gender, so that we are not isolated when facing the opposite gender, while trying to please them or trying to be what we imagine they want us to be. In the end, we will feel supported when meeting with the opposite gender. We will feel that we are rooted in our energy and meet the other out of abundance and expansion.
After that, we will explore our own male side, and female side, and how they can connect deeper within ourselves.
This is the journey. It is very colorful, it is very exciting, it is also very silent and meditative, and especially, it is very compassionate and embracing.
I remember you saying that the anger of a child is different from the revenge of a teenager. Could you expand on this?
The anger of a child has to do with movement, with physical movement. It has to do with expressing the exploratory, adventurous, and enthusiastic spirit of a child. It has to do with wonder, with going out physically. Anger is a primary emotion.
With the teenager it’s different. The teenager can master all the movements of his or her body. The emotion is no longer in the muscles. It’s more subtle. When we are stopped in our longing or our attractions, shame appears. Shame is not something that goes deep into the muscles. It’s more of a wrapping around the body, which happens the moment we hold our energy when we feel it’s unwelcome.
That repressed energy is so passionate and so strong that it cannot just vanish or disappear, but it can be wrapped in a layer of numbness, self-destructiveness, or arrogance toward others. There are many, many ways. The impact of that passion is so strong that when we cannot express it, it turns inward, it goes dark. That’s when that original passion, that original longing, turns into a feeling of revenge.
Revenge is a feeling that arises in someone who feels they have less power than the surroundings. It is not a straightforward reaction. It broods inside; it’s a lopsided attempt to bring balance back. Because revenge is something we do not usually acknowledge, or express directly and consciously. A balance is never restored, because unknowingly we are caught in our unconscious strategies of giving it back to others, blaming others for it.
So we end up hurting ourselves, and often hurting others, but especially hurting ourselves. Revenge has a way to transform itself, not through catharsis – although we are going to go through a very short cathartic moment. Revenge transforms itself through understanding the larger picture and by opening our adult hearts to the beautiful landscape of “everything is possible,” which is the feeling of a teenager.
I suppose that the feeling of revenge would come from a situation or a family environment that has harmed us, or from caregivers who were not able to give us enough guidance and support. Is that correct?
Revenge comes from shame – from being shamed in many different ways. The feeling of being shamed comes from a lack of understanding, a lack of compassion, and a lack of guidance from those people who have shamed us. So, ultimately, a very important aspect of this process is to realize that now there is an adult part in us. That part can now provide us with tools and situations in which we feel safe and supported, and that now we can express our passion.
Is there an age limit for this kind of work?
There is no age limit. Actually, the wiser and older we are, the more we are going to enjoy this reborn teenager inside of us!
Svarup, and several therapists she has successfully trained, offer this work on a ten-individual-sessions format. The sessions can be done either online or in presence, once or twice a week. The gaps between the sessions allow the client to mirror themselves in daily life and observe, through specific homework and meditations, what is being moved inside.
For more info: primaltantra.com
Featured image credit Getty Images via unsplash.com
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