The hard lesson that Prince Harry needs to learn – by Subhuti
“It isn’t about me!”
The hard lesson that Prince Harry needs to learn – by Subhuti
If I meet Prince Harry walking down the street, I will be sorely tempted to slap his face and say, “Shut up, wake up, and face reality!”
Of course, in the world of spirituality, this is what every enlightened Master says to every disciple. With my own master, Osho, it has happened to me, more times than I care to count.
But with Harry, I am not talking spirituality. I am talking basic survival strategy. I am talking about his ongoing war with the media and his conflict with his own family, the Royal House of Windsor. Because whatever he has been doing up to now has not been working, and will never work, no matter how hard he tries.
For a moment, let’s go back in time to his mother, Princess Diana, to a fleeting incident that happened, years ago, in the early Nineties, as she was returning from a trip abroad.
Her sons came running to meet her. They were very young then, not yet teenagers. Diana crouched down and opened her arms wide to receive them, and, just by chance, Prince William reached her first. Instinctively, Diana’s arms closed around him in a loving embrace and Harry, arriving a split second later, was left out.
It only lasted a moment.
After giving Wills a quick hug, Diana opened her arms and embraced them both. But it was too late. The damage had been done. Harry had been excluded and the expression on his hurt, bewildered little face spoke volumes for the inferiority he already felt.
Because, even at that young age, Harry already knew he was ‘the spare’, the second string of a Royal insurance policy that guaranteed another heir to the throne, should anything happen to William.
Fast forward, and in 2023, ‘Spare’ became the title of Harry’s best-selling book. Into it, he poured his anger and resentment, not just towards family members like Prince William and King Charles, but especially towards the media, whom he blamed for the death of his mother in her tragic car crash in Paris, in 1997.
By the time his book came out, Harry had been married for five years to the American actress, Meghan Markle. And, as so often happens in such partnerships, the prince found in Meghan exactly the right woman to perpetuate his own psychological wounds.
Meghan simply did not know how to handle the intrusive behaviour of the British press, and soon became an emotional wreck, thereby pushing Harry even further into conflict with the media in an effort to protect her.
The prince did succeed in winning a couple of lawsuits but now, just recently, he has lost a huge one that is likely to cost him millions. Together with musician Elton John and five other claimants, Harry accused the Daily Mail of ‘abhorrent criminal activity’ in its news gathering methods. But the judge threw out the case, saying there was no evidence of criminality, and adding that the case should never have been brought in the first place.
Now Harry and the others must immediately pay damages of £9 million, with another £25 million being demanded by the newspaper.
By this time, of course, Harry was no longer a resident in the UK. A few years earlier, in a desperate effort to reduce media scrutiny, the prince had given up his Royal duties and fled abroad with his wife, eventually landing in Hollywood.
The couple were welcomed by the entertainment industry, and at first enjoyed some commercial success with Netflix and Spotify, but their projects lacked staying power. Now they are returning, at least temporarily, to the United Kingdom.
So, what does all this mean?
In a nutshell:
Fighting with British newspapers does not work.
Running away to other countries does not work.
In which case, Harry may reasonably ask: well then, what does work?
The answer will not be to his liking, because it implies that his brother, Wills, and his father, Charles, were right all along. Their motto, in approaching public life, is the same as a great many of their Royal predecessors: “Never complain, never explain.”
This maxim, first coined in the nineteenth century by British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli, enshrines the idea that, in the face of criticism, one should respond with dignity and silence. Combined with a certain amount of stoicism, this attitude accepts that public figures will always attract negative as well as positive feedback from ordinary people, and that one should not react hastily, nor get upset by it.
Harry’s grandfather, Prince Philip, was pretty good at it. He hated what he described as “the Murdoch press”, including ‘The Sun’ and ‘The News of the World’, and would have happily punched Rupert Murdoch on the jaw, but was wise enough to restrain himself.
Harry’s uncle, Prince Andrew, ignored this golden rule and paid a devastating price. He granted a television interview, in which he tried to explain his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein and deny his affair with 17 year-old Virginia Giuffre, but nobody believed him.
Condemned by a disgusted British public, Andrew was stripped of his Royal titles and kicked out of the family circle.
Seen from a similar and yet slightly different perspective, Harry needs to understand the Law of Reverse Effect: the more you complain about the thing you hate, the more attention you give to that very thing.
Right now, Harry isn’t speaking to William’s wife, his own sister-in-law, Kate Middleton, who is now the Princess of Wales. But he could definitely learn a thing or two from her.
Kate has played a brilliant game with the British media, knowing exactly how to handle the public spotlight. What is required is a certain distance from the role, a certain detachment from people’s opinions, while at the same time projecting a smiling, attractive, positive image.
Poor Meghan, being a naïve California girl, had no clue how to manage this, and took every criticism personally, like an arrow in her heart. She did not understand that nasty comments published in today’s papers will be forgotten by tomorrow, nor that the public’s attention is fleeting, ever changing, always moving towards new gossip and fresh scandal.
Jackie Kennedy understood this very well. The most talked-about woman of her generation, and subjected to the relentless, 24-hour spotlight of the world’s media, she simply shrugged and said, “The river of sludge will go on and on. It isn’t about me.”
That last sentence contains the magic key: “It isn’t about me.”
In other words, Jackie Kennedy could put enough distance between herself and the image generated by the media, so that she could remain unaffected by it – at least, to a certain degree. She was a woman of remarkable contrast: universally famous and yet intensely private.
If they are to find any peace in this life, Meghan and Harry need to learn from Jackie Kennedy and the British Royals. They need to understand that lawsuits are useless, even if they result in victory. The world’s newspapers and TV stations are never going to stop commenting on their lives, and the tabloids will always be looking for scandal and sensation.
They also need to understand that there is nowhere to run. Wherever they are, they will always be found and they will always be spied on.
This is their fate. And so, like actors, they must distinguish between the public image and the private person. They must learn how to play the part without getting identified, without protesting and complaining every time the role is criticised.
It is a tough challenge, but many public figures have succeeded and there is no reason why Harry and Meghan should not do the same.
Meditation would certainly help, because it gives people a deeper sense of self, pushing the superficial personality even further away from one’s essential interiority.
And, by the way, I’m sure Harry would love Dynamic Meditation, which would give him permission to scream, shout, and let it all out, as well as experience his own peaceful, silent centre. But he seems a long, long way from understanding how something like meditation can be of help to him and Meghan.
There is no sign yet that he will stop fighting with the press, although being ordered by a judge to hand over £9 million may make him pause and reflect on the wisdom of his crusade.
My message to the Windsor’s second son?
Harry, old chap. It’s time to wake up. Your approach just isn’t working. Try to become a better actor and remember Shakespeare’s insight:
“All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts….”
Listen to the Bard, Harry. It’s way past time for you to play a new part.
Related articles
- ‘Spare’ by Prince Harry – “Spare is a firm rebuttal of the myth that wealth and privilege equal happiness,” writes Christo (February 2025)
- Harry gets heavy with the British press: But the price tag for being ‘royal’ is higher than he realizes – Subhuti reflects on current – and past – affairs (October 2019)
- Prince Harry: a high-flying Number Seven comes down to earth – In his Enneagram series Subhuti takes a British Royal as an example of Number Seven’s ‘everything is fine’ attitude (May 2017)
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