Subhan ponders on the saying, “It was difficult for us to connect.”
Someone shared with me about their relationship with someone, saying, “It was difficult for us to connect.”
It reflected the way I used to feel when I was in a situation like that. And underneath those words about “us” was the feeling that the other was responsible for the missed connection…
But then somewhere it became more obvious that connecting belonged to me, first with myself, and then with the other.
The other could choose to join me or not, but the openness and availability – the connectedness – belonged with me, not with them. My connectedness with them was an invitation for them to also connect. It wasn’t dependent on them accepting it, in order to get to what I had thought connection was.
I realized: I am either connected or not; there’s no need for a “we” to be involved.
I know, I know! Of course, it has a different feel when the other is also available for connecting. But, regardless of what they do, my ability to connect with me gave me the ability to meaningfully connect with them!
And often that ability to connect has created an invitation for them to connect with me, which many have accepted. It doesn’t always happen that way.
But either way, it is possible to find a space where it is OK being with them, just as they are!
If they are not connecting, it’s possible to move back, within myself, into silence. Or… I can simply move on….
I know this isn’t what most people experience or do. Maybe it’s not your experience. I share this so that if you’re interested in connecting with others, you may not have to wait for them to reciprocate.
Try it! First find as rich and heartfelt a connection with yourself!
And only then, put that out to the other. (You can even note the mind’s expectation that they should reciprocate…)
You may be surprised how relaxed you can become with whatever the other is doing.
And the “we” is no longer required!
This article was first posted on Facebook – reproduced here with the author’s permission
Featured image credit to cottonbro studio
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