Note no. 10 by Avikal from his series, Reporting from the Great Doubt
Forgiveness has pretty much never been a word in my vocabulary. Since I can remember I have had a kind of suspicion and dislike for the word, and what I felt was lying behind it… probably being born in a very Catholic country did not help.
And even listening to many teachers and masters, and reading here and there about it, nothing really touched my heart or resonated with my intellect – and even less landed in my belly.
As I never tried to be “a good person” – and found that in the vast majority of cases that desired self-image was hiding some fundamental rejection of one’s own shadow, and often a deep hypocrisy – I have been open to recognizing my mistakes and apologizing for them when needed; but I rarely expected forgiveness or felt the need to give it to others.
A few days ago, as I was watching a video of Daniel J. Siegel, I heard him share an understanding and give a definition of forgiveness that fully resonated with me.
First of all, he said something that was already clear to me: forgiveness has to do fundamentally with oneself; forgiveness for others is the natural unfolding of me forgiving myself. And: Forgiving myself is letting go of the hope that things could have been different. Yeah!
This is definitely resonating with me, in my intellect as a sort of sparkling brilliancy, in my heart as a sense of empathic expansion and relaxation. And in my belly I can feel that what has been happening inside there has become an openness to repairing the ruptures in various relationships, without expectations.
Thank you, Dan.
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- Follow the whole series: Reporting from the Great Doubt
Featured image: photo by the author
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