The fear of death

Chapter one from Sanjiva’s new book, Living with the Inescapable: Consciously Accepting Death

Most people die with fear, before and during the process, with unfinished business. Without saying the necessary “I love you,” the “I forgive you,” and most importantly, forgiving themselves. Doing so beforehand is very healing and brings deep peace. But all of this is often avoided or ignored. The end should be filled with gratitude, peace, and light. Can this be achieved?

It has powerfully caught my attention since I was very young – the fear that exists, the fact that the problem is never discussed, that it is always something terrible, better avoided, that everything is taboo, very sorrowful, and even heartbreaking. Is it not possible to celebrate that person who has lived a full life? Is it possible to change what exists today?

The Vietnamese Zen monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, said in a talk, “our greatest fear is that when the moment of death comes, we will become nothing.” A great majority believes that our existence is only a fleeting moment, which begins at the moment of conception or birth and ends at the moment of death. They believe that they are born from nothing and that when they die, they will become nothing again. And they are terrified of that annihilation…

Perhaps it is the inevitability and unpredictability of death that causes so much fear. One never knows when it may come or why… except if you reach an older age and your body goes through its natural disintegration phase.

People are not afraid of death itself; they are afraid of losing their separation, they are afraid of losing their ego. You will no longer be separate – what will happen to your identity, your personality? And we have cultivated the personality so carefully, with so much effort; we have polished it all our lives, and death will come and destroy all our work…

The fear of death is the refusal to cease to exist in this world. We see how death approaches us long before our time comes, we see impermanence in the changes that occur in us, with the arrival of old age and the suffering of losing our youth.

“If you understand, if you see, if you can feel and experience that you are not separate from existence, that you are one with it, all fear of death disappears because there is nobody to die inside you. In the first place, there is no one at all – existence lives through you,” the mystic Osho tells us.

Death is an intense reminder of the fragility of life and the fact that, at some point, it will happen to us as well. This shock often lasts only a short while; life goes on and we watch in awe as the world continues to function as it always has.

Many people think that merely just talking about death can bring it closer before its time… That’s why many think that it is even in bad taste to discuss such a relevant topic…

Yes, it creates fear – the possible pain in the process, the attachment we have to our bodies, to our loved ones and friends… But in the end, all of this is, to a large extent, a mental game…

Now, the issue of death is much more transcendental than being afraid of it or not. As the American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and many others say, although death happens every day, we ignore it, we avoid it, we deny it. Something happens in our mind that diverts us, makes us numb, we press the button of unconsciousness so that we can continue functioning in daily life. Some may say that if it were not so, we could not function. That is possible… but we must make some effort, out of respect for our passage through this life and the moment in which we happened to exist.

We clearly have survival mechanisms: the desire to live is very powerful and it is good that it is so, but it is imperative not to ignore that everything is transitory. Today, there is the possibility of being aware of this reality, transforming our world and those around us. That is at least what I aspire to and I am sure that it is possible to achieve with a little work… How could it not be fascinating to invest energy in knowing to support oneself on this subject?

The German philosopher Martin Heidegger said, “If I take death into my life, recognize it and face it in all its dimensions, I will be free from anxiety and suffering, and only then will I be free to be myself.”

This fear that has society in a permanent neurosis, the subject of death produces the classic signs of disorders: anxiety, depression, hypochondria, insecurity, etc. The list is long and from time to time, they manifest themselves, generally unconsciously.

The big wake-up call

Death is an alarm clock: the individual who begins to relate with death begins to search for what does not die… and it is at this point where the key to each person’s spiritual path lies. A teacher told me, “What remains?” after discarding all the labels and roles that we carry with us during this life.

The Indian mystic Ramana Maharshi always asked his disciples the same question: “Who are you?” It is a wonderful way to understand the mind and to know if those thoughts have any value, beyond the finite body.

What is it that does not die? Is there really something in our being that does not die? Could it be our divine consciousness, which is infinite within a finite body? Not many people ask themselves this question, and we are always – but always – very busy with more “important” matters.

When the day of our death comes, we will have an awakening, something like what happens to the caterpillar… which at the moment, when everything seems finished, turns into a butterfly. Now, why not provoke that awakening before? That is why one of Sammasati workshops is named “Dying before Dying.”

That is what it is all about, at least in my case, the spiritual search that manifests itself constantly in my life… It is a daily, intense topic. For me, it is not just about sharing this in a one-day workshop, a weekend, in a café, or at a meal.

“Consciousness is eternal, it knows no death, only unconsciousness dies. So, if you remain unconscious, asleep, you will have to die again. If you want to get rid of all this suffering of being born and dying again and again, if you want to get rid of the wheel of birth and death, you will have to be alert. You will have to go higher and higher into consciousness,” the mystic Osho reminds us again.

Is this true? Dogmas and/or beliefs are of no use in this regard… the idea is to explore, and for each person to discover the answers during their life. It is something fascinating, it is not something dramatic, and much less self-flagellating.

It would be recommended for us to begin to face the subject of death from an early age, so that the development of the person is complete. In this way, they would have fewer fears and a fuller life, full of gratitude. I would have loved it to have been like that for me.

I am convinced that my death will not be a minor event in some hospital or church. And I hope that yours will not be either. We must prepare for this, for this “graduation” in which we will all have to participate. It is always “someone else” who dies… but when it is our turn, it will be others saying the same thing. Death is like the elephant that is always in the room. It will always be there: impossible to ignore it, no matter how much one wants to.

Being aware of our mortality is what defines us as individuals; thinking about death is thinking about LIFE, in capital letters.

This book is not intended to be a guide, but rather a contribution to the discussion of how to face and live the death that we all carry within, hopefully relating to it at an early age in order to accept it, understand it, so that a unique opportunity to transcend is not wasted, and to be grateful for our passage through this time and place.

The idea is that this topic of death stops being taboo… that it becomes a matter of common knowledge. If this happens, we will be able to live with more wisdom and be better prepared for what will be our destination, the last journey we will have to make. The challenge is to be prepared to die consciously.

Osho said that you must always remember two things: “If you reject it, if you say no, you will live death in a totally unconscious way; if you accept it, you will be fully conscious.”

Living with the Inescapable:
Consciously Accepting Death
by Alfredo (Sanjiva) Ovalle
BookBaby, November 2025, 196 pages
Available as Kindle and paperback from Amazon *, Barnes and Noble, books a million, Bookbaby store, Apple book
ISBN-13: 979-8-31781-582-0
ASIN: B0FX3KLFK6