Jeevan recalls the time her son Bob died in an accident.
The telephone rang in my room in Santa Cruz, California on June 24, 1986 and it was my son Dave. “Jeevan,” he said, “I have bad news. Bob has been in an accident in LA, and he didn’t make it!” And that’s how I heard that my beloved first-born, 38, had been killed. I was living in California at that time awaiting news that Osho had returned to India, so I could be off to Pune again.
I took a bus down to LA where I was met by Laurie, my daughter and Jan, Bob’s new wife and we drove to the Church of Scientology where Bob had been on the staff for the last 20 years. He had achieved Thetan Seven which I understand is the highest level reachable in Scientology life.
The last time I had seen him was just a week or so before for his 38th birthday, May 25, 1986. I met him and Jan and we ate at a little Italian restaurant near the organization. We never ‘small talked’ and on that night I was able to finally apologize to him for all the shouting and yelling I had done when he was growing up, remembering how he would just look straight into my eyes while I was in my madness. He said it wasn’t pleasant what he was thinking then, but that I felt the way I do now, all of the past is forgotten, now is the moment of truth. We hugged and I, of course, “teared up” or as Dave would say, “mom is hot in the socket!”
After dinner when it was time to go, we went out to the street where I sang to him and we danced together to that old familiar Sufi song we used to sing in Buddha Hall, all those years ago:
“I love you whether you know it or not.
I love you whether I show it or not.
These are the words I haven’t said,
I’ve kept them in my heart.
But now is a good time to start.”
So now Bob is dead and I am bereft. Then I am offered an Auditing Session if I want and I jump at it. Bob had always wanted me to be audited, so to speak, but L. Ron Hubbard never appealed to me. And so I entered a small room with a member of the staff, sat at a table and he looked into my eyes asking if I was comfortable. I said sort of. And then he asked me to tell him of a recent happy incident in my life and I told him about my son Dave’s recent wedding and how happy I was that he had found a partner. He asked me to tell him it again which I did, and then again, and again, and again, and again, and again until I could not tell him any more – finished.
He then asked me to tell him about a recent sad situation which I had experienced and I of course spoke about hearing of Bob’s accident, tears and snot flowing, sobs as I told him about that, and then he asked me tell it again, and then again, and again, and again, and again – each time easier and less tears, less sobs, less sadness until I finally was able to say I had said it enough. Then I was asked to put my hands on little metal tubes connected to what they call an “e meter” and was asked about Bob and my answer sent the arrow to ZERO!
And from that day I never mourned Bob; when I think of him it is with my love and gratitude for having had the opportunity to be his mother. I think of his full life, as a hippie in the late ‘60s, drugs, music – he was a marvelous guitarist – his refusal of a National Merit Scholarship to University in favor of living on Huntington Beach, long hair, 6 months in jail for drugs, and then his discovery of Scientology at age 18!
But there was a problem after my session when I walked into the Memorial Service where many LA sannyasin friends had gathered. I was totally clear but the whole family, my other 3 children, my brother and his wife and my husband were still in turmoil at their loss…and they all looked at me as if I didn’t care – I was a sannyasin! But I must mention that they all refused the offer of a session!
The service was very beautiful – it was more of the kind of send-off we sannyasins give – it was a goodbye to Bob from all his Scientology buddies. I left and returned to Santa Cruz and not long after that I returned to Pune and have never left since. I still live in Pune; the Resort has changed, I have changed – and life continues a blessing for me each day.
More on Jeevan’s family life: Jeevan Bridges the Generation Gap
Jeevan, Osho News
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