Sarita gives an overview of the differences between the sexes in regard to sexual fulfilment.
Woman’s sexual fulfilment
Even though it appears that adults are knowledgeable about sex, sexual anatomy and sexual functioning. In my experience of having worked with thousands of people, the important subject of sexual relations remains under an obscure cloud of confusion in the minds of many.
Too often, a woman tries to force her sexual response to become like a man. This happens because both men and women are unaware of their opposite and yet complementary natures in regards to sex.
The woman has three areas in her genital region, which are important for sexual orgasm to take place, the clitoris (and clitoral network inside her body), a nerve in the sacrum (which is the trigger for orgasm), and the vagina (where contractions of orgasm take place).
Generally, a woman will become aroused firstly through touching, caressing, kissing or holding her entire body in deep loving embrace. She needs to experience a quality heart connection before opening up sexually. This slow buildup of arousal may take approximately 20 minutes. The woman has 3-5 thousand nerve endings in her clitoris all devoted to pleasure. These nerves come from erogenous zones all over her body. When she is touched and embraced, these nerves all over the body are activated, and her clitoris simultaneously ‘wakes up’.
It is best not to go directly to the clitoris as a way of stimulating a woman. A more teasing approach works much better. Nipples have nerves linked directly to the clitoris, so touching and massaging her breasts is of great importance.
If a lover holds the lower belly of his beloved, and simply remains present with her, within a few minutes, she will begin either laughing or crying. This is a signal that her second chakra is open. The second chakra of the woman is of tremendous importance for her to open up sexually, as it is from her lower belly that she will be able to discover the phenomenon of multiple orgasm. Emotional fluidity helps a woman to know all the joys of her sexual response, and a man needs to discover how to be comfortable just holding space while the woman moves into emotive waves.
Stroking the outer lips of her Yoni, her inner thighs, slowly and teasingly working your way to her inner lips, and finally encircling her clitoris with wet fingers or tongue, will drive her wild.
When her yoni is copiously wet, and her outer lips, inner lips and clitoris are in erection, then it is time to move into penetrative sexual union. A woman is changeable according to where she is in her monthly cycle, so the approach to her sacred portal may be different each time.
After having one orgasm, a woman’s body remains on an orgasmic plateau for at least 20 minutes, ready for more orgasms. If a man has his orgasm before she has enjoyed more orgasms, she may be very frustrated with the sex act. The game ended just as she was getting started!
In ancient Taoist Tantric texts, it is stated that a skilled lover will stimulate the woman at precise points and in particular ways, all over her body as part of the build up for sexual union. He is advised not to move into penetration unless she begs him to, with tears in her eyes, because she is so aroused that she cannot wait anymore!
In our culture, of instant coffee and instant everything, we have forgotten the joys of slow food and slow sex. A woman has been designed by existence to savor timeless, intimate and loving sexual union. For women’s sexual fulfillment, the art of Tantra is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
Man’s sexual fulfillment
The charisma and potency of a man resides in his sex center. He will be most attractive to women, and most fulfilled in himself, if he is able to celebrate his genitals and his sexual energy. The first chakra is a positive pole in the male body, which means his consciousness will revolve around first chakra issues. These are: sexual arousal, instinct for procreation, security, possessiveness, goal orientedness, competition. The more civilised a man is in his conditioning, the further away he may be from his basic instinctual nature. When he is dissociated from his genitals, a whole plethora of anxieties will haunt his being.
When moving into sexual union with a man, it is wise to deeply honour him in his sex center. If a woman lovingly holds his Lingam, his testicles, and massages the whole genital area, with deep reverence, he will begin coming in contact with his deeper nature, his Godliness. Each man has the potential to be a God. The definition of a God is: he who moves into sexual union in full consciousness.
With one ejaculation, a man releases enough sperm to populate half the planet. Nature has invested a tremendous amount of energy in each man, making him a co-creator with existence itself. This tremendous power needs to be recognized by both man and woman, and treated with reverence.
When a man ejaculates each time he has sex, he will gradually diminish his pleasure and power. It is wise for a man to learn how to move into the sexual act with no goal, discovering ways to ride the waves of pleasure for hours on end. His body has it’s own timing when ejaculation will be needed, and this is according to his age and health. A younger man needs ejaculation more often, while an older man needs genital release less. A man can attain phenomenal ecstasy states when he makes love often and ejaculates only sometimes. He will eventually be able to experience full body orgasm without ejaculation.
A man can further develop his capacity for deepest fulfillment, when he learns to become the meaning of the word Lingam, Pillar of Light. This quality of being arises when he is centered enough to contain contradictory elements within himself. When he can be both powerful and vulnerable in one and the same moment, he will be able to truly be with a woman.
A woman is made of contradictions, she is Shakti, and behaves in much the same way as the weather, i.e. unpredictably. When a man discovers his essence as Shiva, a Pillar of Light and consciousness, he will then be able to hold and be with Shakti in equanimity and inner mastery.
Meditation combined with a sense of humor will help him discover this state of being.
A beautiful poem from a Tantra Scripture says:
Behold the Shiva Lingam
Beautiful as molten gold
Firm as the Himalayan Mountain
Tender as a folded leaf
Life giving like the solar orb
Behold the splendor of his sparkling jewels!
First published in Vivid Life Radio
Illustration by Shivananda (www.shivananda.ch)
Sarita met Osho in Mumbai in 1973 and shortly afterwards received sannyas. She spent the next 26 years in his communes where she worked cleaning Osho’s house, as a medium in energy darshan, in the PR department and as a holistic healer. Osho gave her the title ‘Mahasatvaa’ meaning ‘keeper of esoteric wisdom’. Since 1997 she has been teaching Tantra, holistic healing and meditation across the world. She lives in England and France. www.tantra-essence.com – more articles by the same author on Osho News