The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It’s always dark before the dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you’re not getting any. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you
The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It’s always dark before the dawn.
So if you are going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper,
that’s the time to do it.
Sex is like air.
It’s not important unless you’re not getting any.
Don’t be irreplaceable.
If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
No one is listening until you fart.
Always remember that you are unique.
Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you do criticize them,
you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat
and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.
Don’t squat with your spurs on.
Some days you are the bug.
Some days you are the windscreen.
Don’t worry.
It only seems kinky the first time.
Experience is something you don’t get
until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
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