A video clip showing Donald Trump’s apology has gone viral in the USA. Prem Geet asked herself, What if Donald T-rump became Enlightened? Maybe this is how his recent video would have gone:
Following is a revised transcript of the tape in which Donald J. Trump repeatedly made vulgar comments about women.
In “After EnlightenMen” Mr. Trump revealed what he really meant.
T-rump Before EnlightenMen: I moved on her, actually. You know, she was down on Palm Beach. I moved on her, and I failed. I’ll admit it.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: I approached the Goddess but I had to purify myself more – She could see through me and my self-loathing and powerlessness. Total fear!
Unknown voice: Whoa.
T-rump Before EnlightenMen: I did try and fuck her. She was married.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: I did try to merge with the Goddess but She was busy with Lord Shiva and they knew I was not ready – it takes years or a lot of sincerity.
Unknown: That’s huge news.
T-rumpBeforeEnlightenMen: …She wanted to get some furniture. I said, “I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.” I took her out [to a] furniture [store] –
I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: My bombastic ego was so afraid of the mighty vagina and its rumored shark teeth of Birth and Death that I made silly overtures and thought I could seduce the Mother of All Furniture with mere furniture from the store and She scorned my lack of creativity and I can see why. My ego knew no limits. I was so afraid I even said her breasts were fake.
Billy Bush: Sheesh, your girl’s hot as shit. In the purple.
T-rumpBeforeEnlightenMen: Whoa! Whoa!
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: I bow at the feet of the Divine Mother in all women. Stop the Bus!
Billy Bush: Yes! The Donald has scored. Whoa, my man!
T-rumpBeforeEnlightenMen: Yeah, that’s her. With the gold. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: That’s her! I want to kiss the Mother of the Universe – can’t help myself She is so beautiful! Divine She accepts my love unconditionally! I am a male bhakti! And these human women I also adore as Her reflection – maybe I could uplift some of them and use my power to launch their businesses and support their essence! It is so much fun to see women blossom with adequate support!
Billy Bush: Whatever you want.
T-rump Before EnlightenMen: Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: Oh yes – I used to be so afraid that women didn’t like me that I would do anything to degrade and denigrate them! But now I invest in start-up women-owned businesses – especially those of dreamy, sexy female artists whom society has exploited – I can use my money and power and position this way – to protect and value women! I can hire and nourish women! I can let them play in the world!
Billy Bush: Uh, yeah, those legs, all I can see is the legs.
T-rump Before EnlightenMen: Oh, it looks good.
Trump AfterEnlightenMen: Oh yes, all women look like the Goddess and She looks good! I want to serve all women! Maybe she can send me her business plan! I hope so! We can get started right away! God, I love women and want to love and bless, protect, and nourish them! I am so grateful for the Mystery of Divine Mother in all women!
Prem Geet is a regular contributor
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(Excerpts from the original transcription were by Penn Bullock of The New York Times.)