Humour — 20 November 2016

Born 1903 – Died 1942: Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

London, England, cemetery
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767

Ribbesford, England, cemetery
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon me
For not rising.

Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

Silver City, Nevada, cemetery
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.

Lawyer’s epitaph in England
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery
Reader, if cash thou art
In want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.

Cemetery in Hartscombe, England
On the 22nd of June
Jonathan Fiddle
Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.

In a cemetery in England
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon will be.
Prepare yourself and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I’ll not consent
Until I know which way you went.

Last one, from Boot Hill, in Tombstone, Arizona
Here lies Lester Moore
One slug from a 44
No Les
No More

 

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