by Steven Wright.
If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famously erudite scientist and comic who once said: “I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” His mind sees things differently than most of us, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:
1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 – Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.
3 – Half the people you know are below average.
4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 – All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand.
10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend… but she left me before we met.
12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
To be continued…
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