First steps of an Emotional Manifestor

A few weeks ago Kumud presented the Human Design System with an article entitled Uniquely So and with a Factsheet: What is Human Design? which you might want to refer to while reading Rina’s story.

Human Design found me through the backdoor: a beloved came back into my life and embraced me with this new knowledge. I must have been ready for it.

From the reading it turned out that I am an emotional Manifestor, with a split definition and a 6/3 profile and it was explained to me that Manifestors in Human Design are powerful, independent energy-beings, people who do their own thing and who get to know themselves through the impact they have onto their surroundings.

“They must be talking about somebody else,” I thought. “This has nothing to do with me!”

“But this is the potential you carry,” I was told, “but through conditioning and experiences in early childhood things might have changed.” I had to agree because I turned into a rather obedient servant of others!

As there are only 8% of people in the world who are Manifestors we are inevitably misunderstood and misjudged – and probably also envied. In fact, almost everybody, at least in the American business world is trained to be, guess what, a Manifestor! “Take the initiative! Go for it! Be independent!”

And we, Manifestors, try to adapt to and become like the people around us from early childhood. At least this is what I seemed to have done.

I also found out that Manifestors have a closed aura. I can now differentiate this a bit more: it does not mean that I cannot give or receive love, but that I might get a handshake whilst the person next to me gets a hug. We are also pretty much loners because we feel uncomfortable in groups, at parties and the like.

Another thing which characterises Manifestors is to carry a lot of anger: an instant irritation can come up at any time and under all possible circumstances. This probably has to do with the resistance we get confronted with when we just go for what we want to do. As children we get punished and as grown-ups we meet resistance. I must have given up quite early on to make my life survivable.

But my signature is ‘peace’ and oh, do I long for that!

This became my ‘carrot’. When I took sannyas Osho said to me that by dropping the past, peace would become my inner quality and so here I was told something similar: if I followed my ‘inner authority’, peace would follow.

Human Design calls ‘inner authority’ that place from where we make our decisions (certainly it is never the mind – we heard Osho say this too many times…). In my case it is the emotional centre, the solar plexus. And the rule is that if you are emotionally defined, you need to take your time.

And, oh, that sounds so simple but, initially, it surely is not! It confused me, I felt stupid, judged, interfered with, all kinds of ego-related stuff came up. It did relax me though, and I saw (and can always see) that it is hugely important for me. I need to live in a time-frame of my own and I need to ask for time to find my own inner clarity.

Being emotional also means that we live with a constant emotional wave. It goes up, which means that we feel good and then it goes down which makes us feel low and sad. It took me quite some time to even detect these waves! I still fight them, especially the ‘downs’.

It also took me considerable time to detect the anger which Human Design was talking about. Then I felt it in all its degrees and intensities. I still judge myself for being emotional, I think I cry too much and I am shocked when I see when the rage, at times, comes out of nowhere. But I have learned to trust this emotional process as my true inner guide. It is definitely work in progress.. and with no end in sight!

Another element I learned from Human Design is what they call ‘strategy’. This is the way we best ‘navigate’ in the world. For some it is to be invited, for some it is to respond, for Manifestors it is to inform others about what they are intending to do. This works to reduce the resistance we meet in life and it sure is true!

It sounds so simple: “Just inform the other what you are going to do!” “Oh yes,” for anyone else but not for me or any other Manifestor I know. I went through huge ego-depleting feelings to finally reach a more comfortable place inside myself and to trust this ‘strategy’. I am doing better now and it becomes more natural.

And I see clearer and clearer also the other side of it: when others inform me what needs to happen no irritation comes up, but it sure does when I get asked (told) to do something… which is another type-related mechanism. Now to explain to others that I would rather be informed instead of being asked or told, is not easy. It is still a dream.

I’d rather hide than face the world and this has become very much second nature. And only now I start to become aware that this has been my way of coping with the pain of punishment and rejection. The wounding is deep and this sharing is an encouraging experiment on my part.

As I move deeper into the experiment to find out about my type – and living it – what is being revealed is huge! It is a process which is definitely not done overnight… it feels more like learning to walk through life in a whole new way.

Human Design is not easy. For me it is like a peeling process and I remember, again and again, that Osho compared our transformation process with that of ‘peeling an onion’.

Yet, while I am writing this, there is a taste of peace inside of me that is so yummy!

I am grateful to Human Design and especially to Kumud (for the many hours on Skype during which she taught me what Human Design was all about) and to Yogananda (for his love and his openness to let me experiment in our daily lives with the information I have received from this system). Thank you!

Rina (aka Punyo) grew up in the Netherlands and took sannyas in 1978. She spent many years in Osho’s Communes in Pune 1 (pottery and travel), Rajneeshpuram (Rajneesh Travel) and Pune 2 (Meditative Therapies, Multiversity, Books). She has lived 15 years in Munich, working in different areas (Midheaven Bookshop, Götterspeise a.o.) and now lives with Yogananda in Ireland.