It seems so unfortunate that existence had to give women this thing called menstruation every month.
It’s one of those things you know is coming, and you know all the emotions and crazy things that follow with it. And yet it is the most difficult thing to be able to watch and not be identified with – at least for me. Funnily enough, even the men seem to get involved and identified with it when we are in it.
How can we watch something that is such an intrinsic part of our biology?
The art of watchfulness is the same whether you are watching something outside of you or you are watching something in your own biology – it is also outside of you.
I know it is difficult, because you are more identified with it; it is so close. But the problem is not watchfulness, the problem is identification. That identification should be broken.
When you feel that your menstruation is coming, try to watch, try to see what it is bringing along with it – anger, depression, hate, a tendency to fight, a desire to throw tantrums. Just watch – and not only watch but say to the man you love, “This is going to come within me. I will try my best to be aware, but if I get identified you need not get involved in it, you can simply watch. You are far away and outside of it.”
And the man can know that a woman in menstruation is in difficulty. She needs your compassion.
And the same should be done by the woman, because you may not know, but man also has his period every month. Because it has no physical expression, for centuries nobody has been aware that man also goes through the same cycle. He has to, because he and she are parts of one whole.
A man also, for four or five days each month, goes into a dark hole. You can at least throw the whole responsibility on your menstruation. He cannot even do that because his menstruation is only emotional – he passes through the same emotions that you pass through. And because there was no physical expression of it, nobody ever thought about it. But now it is an established fact that every month he passes through the same situation as you. So he is not superior in that way, and you are not unfortunate in comparison to him.
The difficulty arises, that when you love a man and you live with him long enough, slowly, slowly your body rhythms become very, very harmonious. So when you have your menstruation, he also has his menstruation. That creates the real trouble – both of you are in a dark hole, both are depressed, both are sad, both are in despair. And you throw the responsibility on each other.
So the man has to find out when he has his period. And the way to find out is to just write down in your diary, every day, how it is. And you will find a block of five days when you were continuously in depression, in a bad mood, ready to fight. Watching for two to three months – noting in your diary – you will come to an absolute conclusion: these are the five days. Make your woman aware: “These are my five days.”
If they are different from your woman’s, it is good, fortunate, because the trouble will be only half. So, the man can watch when the woman throws tantrums and does all kinds of stupid things. He need not participate, he need not answer, he need not react. He should play cool and give the woman a chance to see that he is playing cool, which means “I should be aware.”
But if these periods coincide, then there is a real calamity. But then, too, you both can be aware. You can see that he is also suffering from his menstrual period and it is not good to throw anything more upon the poor fellow, and he can understand that you are suffering and “It is good to keep my load on myself.”
Just be watchful.
Soon there will be a possibility…. It was really the religions of the world who have been preventing it; otherwise, the menstrual period can disappear – and from women more easily than from men.
If you are on the pill, perhaps it may disappear. To most women the pill is a perfect thing – the period disappears. So there is no harm; be on the pill.
And just a few days ago I heard they have discovered a pill for the man too, so he can also take his pill.
But that will only change your biological situation. What is more important is to be aware. If you can be aware of the situation and not get identified, that will be far more significant.
But the pill will take away your physical pain. And I am perfectly in favour of that. There is no need to suffer any physical pain unnecessarily – if it can be alleviated. So find a pill and forget about the physical, the biological suffering.
And the man should also do the same, because he goes through the same period. It’s just that the poor fellow has not been aware of it for millions of years because there is no physical expression of it. But there is psychological expression, and it is exactly the same.
So first, find out when the period is. And if the pill is now available in the market for the man too, he should also take the pill.
And awareness you can practice in a thousand other ways. There is no need to suffer bodily, physical pain unnecessarily. Certainly the pill can stop your period; it can also stop the possibility of your getting pregnant – which is a blessing, because the world does not need any more population.
But meanwhile, try awareness.
Osho, The Transmission of the Lamp, Ch 8, Q 2