Turning point

Remembering Here&Now

Ageh Bharti recalls an experience he told Osho about, to which Osho responded, “It is the highest stage of mind that has happened to you.”

Sparking ball

Although life is a constant process there happens to be some moment that can be said to be a turning point. Now I am going to tell a very small invisible event that proved to be a turning point in my life.

In early December 1966, in the late morning, I was sitting in the clinic of my friend Dr K.P. Pandey along with one of my relatives, Bhagwan Singh. Dr Pandey was busy with his patients. We were told he would be free in 15-20 minutes.

While waiting, I looked out of the window and saw two sparrows hopping on the road. They looked so beautiful! I got absolutely fascinated. Then a thought occurred to my mind that when sparrows, whose wings are of such a dull colour, look so beautiful, then how beautiful will those birds look which are really beautiful?! Then a thought occurred that if two of all kinds of birds in the world would be collected and kept in cages in a room it would be great! I could enjoy looking at some bird’s beautiful wings, some other’s beautiful hopping, and hear yet another’s musical twittering.

Then no sooner the thought of needing a very big and long room occurred, I saw it presented right in front of me. The door was closed but I had the key. As I opened the door and saw the first cage with a beautiful bird in it, I recoiled. Someone was saying within, ‘You are not like this. You are lover of freedom. How can you watch birds encaged! If you will see them encaged for ten minutes, it will cause you so much stress and pain, you might go mad. The sparrows looked beautiful because they were free! They were hopping in freedom.’

Hearing this, I just wanted to open the doors of all the cages and let the birds go out to fly freely into the sky. Having just wanted this to be so, I found that the birds and the big room had entirely disappeared. Then a question arose as to who it is within me who always comes like a well-wishing friend and guides me onto the right path? I clearly remembered, that he always comes. The first thought is always mine but soon this well-wishing friend appears to guide me in the right direction.

Today this question as to who this greatly well-wishing friend is, pierced straight into my heart. I recited the whole occurrence to Bhagwan Singh and asked him, “Who is this second person who is such a great well-wisher? He said, “There is nothing to think about this. Just a thought came and is now gone.”  Bhagwan Singh was a nice boy, had done his M.A., but on that day for the first time I scolded him using the word idiot! I said, “You are an idiot! I am going to accept it as the greatest inspiration of my life and you say it is nothing.”

Feeling a strong urge to be alone and silent, I decided not to wait for Dr Pandey but to leave and also left behind Bhagwan Singh although he had come to accompany me.

I reached home and went straight into my bedroom and lied down on the cot. I was absolutely alone, that means, I was with myself. After a little while Sambodhi ji called me to have lunch. I went into the dining area, ate and returned to my room. I just wanted to be alone. However, I had noticed that even while talking with someone my aloneness continued. After resting for a while, I woke up and found myself still in aloneness. The mind’s going here and there had totally stopped.

A while later something started happening. I saw a big ball of red colour which was revolving at very slow speed. Thousands of sparks flashed away from it on one side and thousands of sparks were coming in from the other side. It felt to me as if the big ball were God and sparks flashing outwards were souls going to take birth – and the sparks on the other side flashing inwards were also souls, after having travelled the world. Then I understood that when someone says that he is an atheist and does not accept the existence of God, even in that moment he is in Him, he is He.

Then I saw that from endless ends thousands of energies in the form of rockets were rushing at immeasurable speed to reach the other endless ends. Starting from endless ends and reaching the endless ends was happening at one and the same time. It reminded me of Arjuna telling Krishna that he is seeing millions of souls taking birth and entering the mouth of death at the same time. Perhaps he was talking about the same subject.

And then I found that there was no earth, no moon, no stars, no mountains, no rivers. Only the expansion of endless emptiness existed. I thought that this empty vastness was God. And I remembered that I was there in this emptiness. Then I realized that I was in its heart.  And by remembering the heart, I realized that He was in my heart. That means only He is. Isness is God. All that exists is God. You, me, the stars, the moon, the sun, the wind, the grass, all are but God!

Thereafter I started living as God. Desires, anger, ego, greed all disappeared. I was absolute energy, absolute peace, absolute awareness, absolute bliss. Even in sleep awareness was there. In fact, ‘I’ was not. Only He was. Then I realized that all that I can hear, all that I can see, all that I can touch and experience and all that I can’t hear, and can’t see, and is beyond capability to touch, all is God. There is nothing but He.  And thus, I started living a godly life. Every act and movement became bliss. Even taking a shower became such a beautiful event that my tears flowed in extreme bliss. That which is being desireless, is being unattached to anything, is being a non-doer, all that became my spontaneous living.

This state lasted for about two months. Then a feeling arose that someone else should confirm it. It was the right time when I saw Osho on February 10, 1967 at his residence, Yogesh Bhavan in Jabalpur. He asked me what had brought me to him. I told him about my experiences. I also told him, “I have become enlightened and want to leave my spouse and children to spread the message of love and peace across the world. Moreover, I do not know what thought has made me come to you when I left home.”

Osho responded: “Mind has several stages. It is the highest stage of mind that has happened to you. You must have performed some very good deeds in your past lives due to which it has happened, because it is not common. It is rare but it is not ‘that.

“It may be a door to ‘that’, but it is not ‘that’. When ‘that’ happens, there is no memory of it; nothing remains as a memory. The duality of the seer and the seen dissolves completely. Happiness too is not there in that state. Just an emptiness; a nothingness remains here (Osho points at the middle just below the chest).

“And as far as leaving wife and children [is concerned], that is not right. They are not obstacles at all. Leaving is also egoistic. Who will leave and to where? And the bliss that has happened to you is not common. It is rare. So, enjoy it within yourself. Do not tell it to others. Because they will not understand. On the contrary, they would think you have gone mad and you are talking all nonsense. And this too is not good that many people should say you are mad.”

Osho continued, “And whenever there’s anything, whenever you feel like coming, come, the doors are open.”

I paid my obeisance and left Osho’s house with due regards. I returned home with the experience of perpetual bliss.

How can one resist from talking to people? They are miserable and struggle to find happiness in the mundane world. They work hard and earn money by sweat and toil, depriving their body of due rest. However, really no one could even have an inkling of what I have described. As I went on speaking to people, gradually, my bliss started waning. Whenever I spoke to somebody on the subject – of course, out of love and compassion – often my happiness diminished. My body felt tremendous pain, as if bulldozed by a heavy vehicle.

This way, slowly and gradually, I reached a state of vacuum. Only memories were left.

However, it certainly changed the whole outlook and course of my life. The greatest thing that had happened is that it provided me the inner sight to recognise Osho and realise his aural significance.

Edited and expanded version as told in the book by Ageh Bharti, ‘Blessed Days with Osho’

Ageh BhartiAgeh Bharti is a regular contributor

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