“The disappearance of the I is a conscious returning to innocence where we recognize and embrace infinite possibilities in infinite combinations. In every single moment,” writes Avikal
As humans, we go through our life supported and sheltered by a system of beliefs, points of view, and an idea of self-image molded by our accumulated experiences.
However, occasionally, we find ourselves pushed out of our cocoon to ask ourselves: Who is experiencing all this? Who is holding these beliefs? Who is aware of it all? Who is the subject here, that can feel, recognize, often be at the mercy of all these objects, all these ‘whats’ that crowd life?
You might already be familiar with the question Who am I? which has been part of human evolution for centuries. As seekers tirelessly contemplate Who am I? they often reach a moment of sudden simplicity of “I am me”, or “I am that”, or, as God told Moses, “I am that I am” (Exodus 3:7–8, 13–14), or just, I AM. Am-ness, a pure, direct, unequivocable presence. With nothing attached to it. A direct experience of subjectivity as one’s true identity.
There is another question, more uncomfortable than Who am I? that takes us on an even more radical exploration. Who is in? focuses on examining the very existence of this Who, and of it being present anywhere, specifically inside. It throws us inwards where we recognize not only the obvious and familiar ‘me’, but also the inexplicable and ungraspable ‘me’ – the Who. Ultimately, we find emptiness.
Who is in? relentlessly points towards the fundamental nature of that I: emptiness. It makes us realize that in spirit, the duality of ‘in and out’ does not exist. Nor does any duality, in fact. When we look, feel and sense with full attention, and relaxed intensity within ourselves, we inevitably find that there is nobody inside. No ‘little me’ driving this body/mind. Who is in? mercilessly shatters any personal sense of identity. Our identification with, and attachment to, ‘Being Someone’ starts melting, while, simultaneously, what becomes clearer is the simple need to define oneself as belonging to the form, to the embodiment for survival.
A momentous shift happens, from I Am to All Is.
Buddha’s words: “Fullness is emptiness and emptiness is fullness” are experienced as the living paradox that you are, that I am. Then, whatever leftover sense of grandiosity or accomplishment might be hiding in the realization of I AM, is annihilated, erased. We are left with nothing and no-one, disappearing into the vastness of the Mystery.
The questions Who am I? and Who is in? are like two wings of a bird. Both are needed to fly, and more so to enjoy and celebrate the magnificence of being human. Who am I? takes you to your center from where you experience all. Who is in? erases any and every answer, finally erasing itself, leaving the seeker free even from the question. A sudden jump from the Unknown into the Unknowable!
As I started writing this article, I found myself flying, like when I was an infant, and my father would throw me up in the air and then grab me as I fell. I experienced the same impossible, indescribable merging of terror and joy, stillness and dynamism, trust and surrender, ecstasy and suspension.
The disappearance of the I is a conscious returning to innocence where we recognize and embrace infinite possibilities in infinite combinations. In every single moment.
First published in the Winter 2025 issue of the magazine Watkins Mind Body Spirit (watkinsmagazine.com – Featured image shutterstock.com)
Related articles
- Who is in? Beyond Self-image – Sudasi reviews Avikal’s book (November 2022)
- Who am I? Who is in? – Avikal’s article subtitled, About Liberation and Fulfillment
- Who is in? Who am I? – Avikal speaks to Brian D Smith, author and founder of Grief 2 Growth (video and podcast – March 2023)
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